Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 36

TRIGGER WARNING

I didn't come to school yesterday. I didn't dare anymore. In the place where I still felt somewhat safe, my safety has been taken away. I don't want to have to run. Not like all those other times. Still, I'm going to try again today. I have to. If I get scared in every place, then I won't dare anything at all. Then I let myself go down to the deepest end of myself. Because I can't be safe even at home.

Liam: "Good morning."
Liam walks next to me and hangs his bag slightly over his shoulder.

Liam: "Are you okay? You've turned a little white." He asks quietly.

Yasmine: "Um, yeah ... Just a little nauseous." It is not a lie. I feel genuinely nauseated. I am shaking slightly, but I just have to be in here for as long and experience that there is nothing to be afraid of.

Liam: "Will you walk with me to class then?"
Yasmine: "Yes it's fine."

It's lunch break and I'm going to see Blake. I haven't seen him all day. In the distance I see Ruel, he cannot be missed either. I scan the area around him and quickly see Blake's black hair. I find my way through people and get closer and closer.

Blake has joined Ruel in the meantime and I will also join.

Blake: "Hey where did you go after the day before yesterday?"
There is a smile on his face and I don't know why.
I frown and ask why.
Blake: "Did you read the messages or not?"
Yasmine: "Yeah kind of."
Blake: "And?"
Ruel frowns and folds his arms.
Ruel: "Dude, you are doing strange."
Yasmine: "Where do you want to go, because I already feel like shit."
An annoying smile reappears on his face.
Blake: "Okay okay. There was no real danger. I just think you too are so cute together so I sent you out together."
I glare at him. I am also really angry, because how could he make fun of this. But reason is funny.
Yasmine: "I'm going to kill you!" I say angry and laughing at the same time as I punch him a few times and kick the ass when he runs off.
Ruel: "Okay, stop both. But seriously Blake. Who was in that black SUV?" He says as he takes my arm and pulls me away from Blake.
Then Blake looks at us questioningly.
Blake: "What black SUV?"
Ruel: "We were chased by a black SUV."
He looks around in a panic.
Blake: "Oh shit, I don't know about a black SUV."

And then I panic again. Why did he send us away and pretend I was in danger. But then don't know anything about the SUV that followed us? How could he not know?

Ruel: "Who were those messages on your phone then?"
I turn and look at him.
Yasmine: "An unknown number. I've had that before. I probably know who's behind it. But that can't be planned."
We both look at Blake with wide eyes.
Blake: "I told you, Skyler is not sick And yes I read what was said, but there was no reason to leave here."
I roll my eyes and then glare at him.
Yasmine: "You know how I react in situations like this Blake. You shouldn't joke about this."
Blake: "I didn't just send you away alone."
Yasmine: "Better not. Otherwise I would have killed you by now. And I'm not kidding."
Blake: Okay sorry, I won't do it again. But I stick to my opinion that you two are really cute together."
Ruel and I look at each other and a small smile appears on our faces.

Is it so striking then? Well, Blake has known me long enough to recognize my body language. When I feel comfortable with someone or not. Or when I'm in a panic. But me and Ruel still keep a lot of distance when we are at school. Only if you would pay attention to us, a few small things might stand out. I think. It's not that we walk through the school holding hands, certainly not. There are sometimes just a few looks we share that stand out. Still, I think and hope no one knows.