Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 50

* End of flashback *

Ruel: "Okay Yas, I know enough now. Please breathe. It is going to be fine. I'm still with you. Nothing can happen to you. This is all your past, you're here with me right now. You're safe."
I hear his calming voice say.

He begs me to take a good breath. And only then do I have any idea what is happening to my body. It's shaking, hyperventilating, crying, and it could pass out any moment. Ruel doesn't know what to do anymore. He panics to experience what I feel.

He looks around with wide eyes and runs his hands through his hair. Then he comes and sits in front of me and slides close to me. He takes my hand and brings it to his chest. I can feel his rapid heartbeat beat against the skin of my hand. He starts to breathe in and out exaggeratedly but gently.

Ruel: "Yas we are in the here and now. Nothing can happen anymore. Please will you follow my breathing."

I look away from him and cannot regain control of my own body.

His hand grabs my cheek and steers my head, forced to look him in the eye.

Ruel: "Darcie look at me ... I'm with you. I'm going to protect you." He says calmly.

When my eyes look into his hazel green eyes, a blanket of tranquility comes over me. Everything around me disappears except Ruel.

Ruel: "We are going to try to breathe again."

I try to follow his breathing, but panic again.

Yasmine: "I can't do it." My voice trembles and jerks from the crying.
Ruel: "You can do it. Trust me. You can do it. I am going to help you."

There is a tingling sensation in my lip from the rapid breathing and I feel light-headed. I want it to stop but I can't get it under control. As much as I want to keep following his breathing.

Ruel: "We're going to do it differently. Watch my breathing and tell me what I am wearing."

I have no idea what he is doing or how this is going to help me, but my eyes scan his outfit.

Yasmine: "Long dark blue pants ... Ehm ... And a blouse with white and blue stripes." I try to speak.

My body doesn't seem to stop shaking. It is starting to hurt and I want my muscles to calm down.

Ruel: "Now. Tell me what you smell?"

As I breathe, absorb in the scent.

Yasmine: "The salty sea ... And your cologne. Météore by Louis Vuitton."
He gets a little smile on his face because I recognize his cologne.

Ruel: "Okay and what do you feel?"

I focus on the things that touch my skin. From my feet to my fingers.

Yasmine: "Sand, grass, wind ... your hands, legs ... My clothes and hair." I mention.

Without realizing it, I have calmed down. Making my mind think about other things has helped. These are very simple questions, but it did help me.

I take a good breath again and blow out all the negativity. And then a calm feeling comes to me. I fall backwards in the sand and a sense of discharge escapes. And there come the tears again, the tears of discharge.

Ruel lies on his side next to me and rests his head under his hand.

Ruel: "I am so very proud of you that you dared to tell this."

I turn my head to him and give him a smile, not knowing what to say.

Ruel: "It actually hit me quite a bit. It never thought it could be so intense ... Not that you're a poser, not at all."  He says the last sentence quickly after it.
Yasmine: "Ruel I get it." I say, laughing softly.