Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 70

It's finally time. Together we walk into the tattoo shop. Although I've done it before, I feel the nerves in my stomach. I know how the needle feels. I know it's going to hurt. I know my tattoo artist. I know this place. I am sure of my decision. Nothing can go wrong. And yet the nerves are there. My heart beats faster than usual. Two beats faster to be exact. I hang up my jacket and when I turn around I see Ruel's eyes looking concerned. But in a way that at the same time he says that it will be okay. His eyebrows are slightly higher.

When we sit on the couch in the waiting area, he takes my hand in his. Evan had asked if we wanted to wait a little longer. He still had to clean the place and stuff.

Yasmine: "So, will it be 'kleine poep' on your arm?" I ask playfully.

Ruel shrugs.

Ruel: "Maybe. As a surprise for when we go back." he says with a smile.

He holds out his arm and shows the spot what he had in mind, although I know he wouldn't really let it be set.Not yet anyway. There is a bit of fear over that decision. But I think, it's your body if you want it now take it now, don't think about what it looks like when you're old, live your life in this moment.He thinks so too, but he is afraid of the needle. The pain. That stops him. For me it was the opposite back then. I longed for the pain of tattooing because I already felt so much pain. So it wasn't a very big step. Except the trust. And now I have it.

Evan comes around the corner with a big smile on his face.

Evan: "Ready for it princess?"

A smile appears on my face. The corners of my mouth curl up and my eyes narrow. I nod and walk over to him. Closely followed by Ruel.

When Evan pulls out the design my mouth almost falls open. This is exactly how I want it and it's beautiful. It is very minimalistic but full of meaning. He also slides the design of Ruel's tattoo across the table. Made for fun. But I think despite that, it's very close to what's in Ruel's head. Subtly Ruel's eyebrows raise slightly and he nods. Without interrupting the conversation between me and Evan about the tattoo.

We've discussed everything and it's time to stick on the blue template. Since it becomes the spot on my hip bone I have to take my pants off. Otherwise, the denim fabric will get in the way every time. I lie down on the black upholstered semi-hard table and lean on my arms to keep myself slightly up. Evan turns my way again and without examining my body I see his eyebrows rise. I think out of enthusiasm. Judging by his eyes and smile.

Yasmine: "No questions." I say sharply as he moves closer to the hickeys on my body.

The quantity is noticeable. Until I lift my shirt. But I don't. There is only one purple spot on my hip and two on my thighs. I quickly bring my glance at Ruel, who makes eye contact with me with a grin on his face.

Evan holds up his hands for mercy, but he can't resist one comment.

Evan: "I'm glad he makes you feel safe." This was more sincere than I thought. The look in his eyes softens.

I stand in front of the mirror and look at the spot on my body. The still blue stripes that together represent a twinkling star. I'm in love. It's beautiful. I nod my head enthusiastically. Maybe a little too enthusiastic.

I lay back on the tattoo table and get ready. I don't expect it to take too long. It's not very big. Evan puts on his black gloves and grabs the tattoo machine from the rolling cart next to him. The sound of the vibrating needle and the buzzing sound of the machine itself don't bother me.

Ruel offers his hand which I grab too. Every other time I've done it without holding hands. Went completely fine. But I appreciate his caring. I squeeze his hand for a moment as the needle goes into my skin. But then I get used to the feeling again. To the pain. To the movement of the needle. Every now and then Evan wipes the ink off my skin with a cloth and checks out what it looks like so far. I can't suppress the curiosity in myself and the moment he stops for a moment I come up to check it out. Halfway through.