Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 68

MATURE CONTENT

Time is ticking. That's also how the rain hits the window. Ticking. Increasingly louder. Drops of water shattered. Split into smaller drops, rolling down the window. The world outside becomes gray and dark. But that's something that just embraces me. The weather that makes me feel good. Even the flash of lightning wakes me up. Let energy flow through my body. It lights up the whole room over and over. Show that the little light we have on in the room is not enough. The heavy storm is so close that you can feel the floor shaking under our feet with some impacts.

It is not responsible to take a shower now. That's something I've learned. Do not shower if the thunderstorm is very close to you. Too dangerous. Unless you want to be electrocuted on purpose. I don't recommend it anyway.

When I see an incoming call from my mother for the umpteenth time on my screen, I get out of bed and walk towards the bathroom. I know what it's about. My father. I bet she's not worried about me. Not about where I exit. Not about how I'm doing. Because I started something that wasn't meant to be started. Something that could potentially put Austin in danger. Not that I would ever protect him from that. Own fault. I don't care if he has to go back to jail. Being questioned again. They can suck him completely empty for information. As long as they get hold of the other people involved.

Yasmine: "Ruel would you unzip my dress?" I ask Ruel as I walk out of the bathroom. He stands by the large window and looks at the dark surroundings outside.

Ruel: "Sure."

He comes walking towards me, so I stop in front of the bed. For a few seconds his eyes are clued on my body. His face lights up. He completely scans me before his eyes meet mine again. Then I turn around to turn my back to him. Take my hair off my back and hold it so it doesn't fall back again. Ruel's cold hands go to my shoulders. So I can get used to his touch. A shiver runs down my spine at the feeling of his hands sliding down slightly. He slowly opens the zipper. The skin on my back is now also having to deal with the drop in temperature in this room. The spots where his fingers come into contact with the skin of my back seem to burn away under his touch. This makes the area even more sensitive.

Ruel: "You're welcome." Ruel says very softly in my ear. His arms are wrapped around my waist from behind. His grip loosens slightly as his lips touch my temple. My head tilts slightly so I can look at him and thank him. And he uses that moment. My body seems to heat up almost ten degrees as he kisses my jaw. Right down to my neck. A place that turns me on, without me being able to stop that feeling. My eyes close as Ruel's hands slowly, at the same pace as his lips go, explore my body. The exposed areas of skin, just as much as the areas that are still covered. I can feel the blood flowing faster through my veins. And I'm pretty sure Ruel hears my heart beating. Getting a little faster entry time. Until it seems to splash out of my chest. I feel my carotid artery beating against the soft tender lips on my neck. Sucking at my skin, they bring blood to the skin's surface. Perhaps linked to the butterflies in my stomach. Connected with a thread. Fluttering every time the thread moves, even for just the tiniest bit. Sometimes they drive me crazy. And there are certainly some quirky ones. I can feel his warm breath blowing against my skin as he sets my skin on fire every time. It's going to crackle soon. Like it's a bonfire. For us alone.

Ruel: "Tonight I'm going to kiss every inch of your body — and I really mean every inch." Ruel whispers in my ear. For a few seconds I don't know how to breathe.

He turns me around with his hands still on my sides. I have to switch gears at the sight of the six-foot-tall boy I've only felt for the last three minutes. My eyes slide from his lips to his magical eyes. They seem to change color every time I see them. And every time they take me into our own world. The world where the words don't bleed, where there are no casualties. It's quiet here. Own. Perhaps familiar. And again I was swept away by the world behind his eyes. A comfortable silence hangs in the room. Yet my chest begins to rise and fall faster and faster. Unconsciously, I begin to breathe faster. Somehow I want to step away from this tension. Afraid of what's to come. But it attracts me. As if he is a magnet with the pole just the right way. The closer I get to him, the harder it is to step away from him. But that isn't really necessary. I'm afraid, but not for him. Not for his words. Not for his actions. I'm afraid of myself. What will happen from within. My head. The traumatized girl somewhere near the speakers. At the big red button to tell me to stop. Just because she panics. But honey this time you're not going to win.