Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 14

(Ruel's pov)
I turn around when I hear irregular breathing and I see Yasmine sitting on the floor. She's pulled her legs up to her chest and rocks back and forth with her hands to her ears. She is in a panic and is completely red. Her cheeks glow with tears and her chest rises and falls very quickly.

This can't just be a closed door, can it?

In a kind of shock I sit on the floor in front of her.

I put my hands on her knees and so my hands start to rock too.

Ruel: "Yas what's going on?" I ask concerned.
She does not respond and instead all the muscles in her face tighten. She presses her hands even more to her ears to cover them even more.

What will happen to her? It seems like she's taken over by someone else or something?
The calm she can sometimes radiate is replaced by panic and unrest.

It also makes me very restless, because I don't know what to do with this. Should I help her? Comfort? Leave alone? I do not know.

I should have just opened the door when she asked for it.

Ruel: "Yas? What's going on?" I repeat again.

Again she doesn't respond, so I take her hands off her ears and I hold her wrists tightly when I notice that she wants to struggle.

Ruel: "Tell me what's going on." I say sternly.

Yasmine: "No!" She screams.
She's trying to get me out of the grib, but it's no use.

I push her to the ground and place her hands next to her head.
I hang over her to keep her in place. So she can't escape from me.

Her eyes are filled with anger and she starts screaming.

Yasmine: "Yas what the fuck! What is going on?!"

And then something breaks in her.
Yasmine: "Let me go!" She screams as loud as she can.
Ruel: "I won't let you go until you've told what's going on."
I must not now surrender to the anger, fear and sorrow she radiates. I need to know what's going on.

(Yasmine's pov)
I have nowhere to go. But I want to get out of here, I have to get out of here. It is not going well in my head and I have to take my medicines before it is too late. I struggle as best I can, but I don't want to hurt him.

Yasmine: "You are pushing me! Can I choose something else, NO!"
I can already feel my throat hoarse from screaming. But I will continue until it is no longer necessary.

I turn my head away, I can't look at him. I see someone else I don't want to see. If I looked at him, I would hurt him. And I can't get over my heart.

Ruel: "Look at me and tell me what's going on!" He recommends.

I get even more angry and completely filled with anger.

Yasmine: "What the hell isn't going on! I have to constantly pretend that nothing is going on at all! No I am fine .... I haven't had another panic attack! I trust everyone, I trust myself. No I can't trust no one at all. I will kill myself, if it goes on like this. Oh wait .... I could have been that. I have been threatened with a gun and my brother was killed before my own eyes. My father should have aimed better, I wouldn't have been here now! "
Ruel: "Yas calm down." He says in a calm tone. He cannot control his tears because his eyes are beginning to shine.
Yasmine: "I don't think I was finished yet! I just have to pretend I'm happy. Pretend nothing happened. Pretend I'm just living a normal life ..."

My anger gives way to sorrow and surrender. I have squeezed my fists so hard that I feel the blood running in my palm.

Yasmine: "My dad is out of jail because I couldn't win the lawsuit against him. Because he threw a lie that almost everyone wants to believe. My family has turned against me and I only get attention when they want argue. All lies are told to me and things are kept secret. While it is about me. I talk with a therapist, but it doesn't help for a second. My medicines just get heavier. And everyone leads under my past. Friends are threatened, people are put on the death list and I can't help it at all. I don't want any more victims and that's why you have to stay away from me. "
Tears flow from my eyes and I am completely out of breath.

Yasmine: "Let go of me." I beg.

He lets go of my wrists and I crawl out from under him like a scared hare.

I see it has become too much for him. He keeps himself big but he cries inside. He regrets it.

My legs have shaken so much that I can barely stand on my legs. I seek support from the bed and sit on it. I close my eyes and squeeze the blanket.

Yasmine: "Fuck." I mumble.

He sits down on the bed next to me and wants to rub his hand on my back.

Yasmine: "Don't touch me and open the door."
You can still hear the panic in my voice and I can no longer calm myself. I just have to go home now before I do anything to Ruel or myself.

He opens the door for me and his whole body says he is sorry. But that is enough. He pushed me and that is it. You can't make it better.

Ruel: "Yas sorry."
Yasmine: "Just figured that out before you pushed me, sucker."
Out of anger I give him a good punch to his chest, causing him to recoil.

I panic out of the house towards my house.

*Home*
Out of breath, I run to the front door and take the key out of my pocket.

???: "Yasmine wait?! What's wrong?" I hear a man's voice asking.

My heart rushes into my throat and as soon as I can I enter and slam the door.

I flee to the kitchen, fill a glass of water and swallow my medicines.

I start shaking even more when there is a knock on the door.

???: "Yas open up, I know you're in."

I walk to the door and keep my hand on the door handle.

Yasmine: "Who are you?"
???: "Yas it's me, Blake."

Then a smile appears on my face and part of my peace returns.

I open the door and he comes in.

When the door closes I fly into his arms and start crying again.

Blake: "Hey what happened?" He says in his calm tone that I have heard a lot before.
Yasmine: "I had to tell Ruel a part." I say sobbing.

He puts a hand on my head and kisses my between hair.

Blake: "Congratulations by the way."

I break away from him and gently wipe my tears away.

Yasmine: "You're almost the only one who remembers it."
Blake: "Of course I don't forget. I know how much it means to you."

We are in my room and I feel my phone vibrate when a message comes in.

Unknown:
Yas, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you. Please call me.
- Ruel

I roll my eyes and then call him back.

Yasmine: "How the fuck did you get my number?!" I ask angrily.
Ruel: "It doesn't matter."

I get up from my bed and put my hand on my side.

Yasmine: "Well that's what it's all about!"
Ruel: "Grace gave it to me, you're fine now. But-."

I don't let him finish his sentence and push the conversation away.

Yasmine: "Blake ... We're going to the party tonight." I say spontaneously.
Blake: "Wait, you don't like parties at all."

That's true, I hate parties. And I shouldn't go crazy there. But I must and will be at that party.

Yasmine: "Let's pretend it's Justin's party."
He nods and I walk to my wardrobe to see what I want to put on.