Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 3

It is finally a break and we have arranged to meet in the school courtyard.

When I walk outside I almost fall over, because I'm flown in the arms of Maeve. To be honest, I didn't really miss that enthusiasm. It is all a bit too cheerful, but I will have to accept it again.

Maeve: "You are really crazy in your head." She says jokingly.
Yasmine: "Why?" I ask.
Maeve: "You didn't even tell me that you were going to move. And that you could also go here."
Yasmine: "I didn't really feel the need to tell you, because you would find out either way."

We walk to a picnic table and Skyler and Grace give me a hug. I didn't miss them that much, maybe Maeve did, but not the rest.

Skyler: "How are you doing?"
I sigh and think what to say.
Skyler: "If you'd rather not tell, it's okay too."
Yasmine: "No it's fine. Let me put it this way, it's not great."
Grace: "Do you want to talk about it?"
Yasmine: "I don't want to burden you with a burden on me."
Maeve: "It's okay. We'll listen to you. Anyway, how's Blake doing?"
Yasmine: "I think fine. It was fucked up to leave him there, but he said it would be better for me to leave. Maybe he come visiting in these weeks."
Maeve: "Will you let us know then?"
Yasmine: "I'll do it." I say half laughing.

During the entire break I mainly listened to the conversations and looked around me. It was fun, but I didn't think it was fantastic either. But that is entirely up to me.

*Home*
Blake: "How was it?" Blake says on the phone as I walk into my room and lock the door.
Yasmine: "Really awful." I say with a sight.
Blake: "How does that come? Wall made too thick around you." He says sarcastically.
Yasmine: "What?!" I shout at him.
Blake: "Just kidding Yas. I know how you are." He says laughing.
Yasmine: "I really miss you very much. It's not much better here either."
Blake: "It's going to be okay, trust in yourself."
Yasmine: "I can't do that anymore."
Blake: "I know, but I will keep saying it until you succeed."

I walk downstairs to make dinner, since I have to make it by myself again. My mom is at home, but she's been making me do it myself for the last few days for no reason. I hate it, anyway if she has cooked we will not eat together. Can't we just be a normal family, with a normal pleasant background.

I just took a pizza from the freezer and baked it. With my pizza I walk to the living room where Nola is watching something on Netflix.

Yasmine: "What are you watching?" I ask as I slide onto the couch.

She doesn't react but she has heard it.
I sigh and roll my eyes.
After a few minutes I find out, but she could have just told me.

When I have half eaten my pizza, put my board on the table and want to walk upstairs, I am stopped by words.

Nola: "You should not starve yourself."
This makes me stand still and cross my arms.
Yasmine: "You haven't said anything to me all the time, and now I'm told I'm not eating enough, your disgusting. You always have something to say!" I say angry.
Nola: "I was watching Netflix."
Yasmine: "You don't even bother for me."

My head is spinning again and I quickly go upstairs before it gets out of hand again.
I lie down on my bed and put in my earohone. I put the music so loud that I can't hear my thoughts anymore.

*The next day*
I put my books in my locker and close it.
Yasmine: "Goddammit!"
I am completely shocked, my heart is in my throat.
Maeve: "Haha, sorry." She says laughing.
Yasmine: "What is it?" I say rolling my eyes.
Maeve: "Nothing, wanted to walk to class with you."

*During class*
Fortunately, Maeve has come to sit next to me and I finally feel a bit more comfortable again.

Maeve: "Why exactly did you move?" She says softly so that hardly anyone can hear it.

But behind me I hear Ruel getting into his seat better so I turn my head to him. And of course he sits closer to us to eavesdrop on us. I give him a dead stare and he leans back again and I put a middle finger at him.

Yasmine: "I wasn't really safe anymore." I say softly.
Maeve: "Have they already been found?"
Yasmine: "No, still not." I say shaking my head.

If only they had been found. I'm not getting well at the thought of meeting them. I'm starting to feel sick and my head is getting lighter. It may not be long before my legs start to tremble.

I feel my phone vibrate because messages are coming in. I secretly take it out of my pocket, otherwise I'm sure I won't see it again all day.

Agenda:
Don't forget to make an appointment for your medicines again.

Blake:
They've gone completely crazy here, I'm afraid Yas!

Fuck! Now I'm completely freaking out. I need to speak to him. Why is he scared? What is happening? Are they back?
All nauseating questions that I will not get an answer to.
It's too late, I can't control myself anymore. I feel that the muscles in my calves are starting to tighten uncomfortably and start to tremble. Maeve notices my panic and gestures with her head at the door.

Maeve: "Mister? Yasmine is not feeling well, can I go outside with her?"
Teacher: "It's good, go with her."

She picks up my bag from the ground and takes my hand and then pulls me out of the room.

(Ruel's pov)
Goddamn, I haven't been able to listen again. Something is going on with her and I just can't figure it out. She won't let me in with her at all. She just pushes me away from her. I haven't done that much wrong, have I? She really won't be that cold, will she? And why does she suddenly feel unwell? I just want to find out.

I came out of the room because I said I had to go to the bathroom. I walk through the school looking for them, but it is not very successful.

After walking around for a while I hear voices coming from outside.

Yasmine: "Blake pick up your fucking phone, I'm totally stressed about it." Yasmine says in a trembling voice.
Maeve: "Yas, just calm down. Maybe things are going well now."
Yasmine: "Yes maybe! There you already say it!"

I want to help, but I don't know if she will. But I can't stand here and eavesdropping.

Maeve: "You are really not doing well. Did you really not take them?"
Yasmine: "No! Soon the police will come and I'll be fucked!"

My facial expression ranges from astonished to curious to wondering. I have no idea what they are talking about.

I can't stand here and really go to them now. But I have to pretend that I have just arrived.

Ruel: "Are you ok again?"

Yasmine is startled and her phone almost falls out of her hand.
She looks at me angrily and I get the feeling that I have to withdraw before lashing out at me.

Maeve: "Ruel you better go away." She tells me when she turns to me.

I look at Yasmine, where tears have come. I look at her with a questioning face.

Yasmine: "Get out!" She screams.

I immediately take steps back and look at her in shock. I remove the lump from my throat. After which I turn around and walk back to the room.