Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 61

We have a week off from school. Not that that matters much to me, because I skip school quite a lot of days. It may not be very smart if you have to take your exams this year, but I need it. If I just personally kill someone in my family, then I don't have to take my exams anymore. Okay no that was a joke. We will see how I do it. But we are not going to think about that any more. Because I had made a promise to Ruel. That I was going to tell him the rest of my story. I didn't do that on the day of the beach, because I wanted to tell it on the spot itself. So we're going on a sort of mini vacation.

Yasmine: "Ruel come on! It's okay to hurry up!" I call into the house when I'm outside by his car. Leaning against the side, looking at the open front door.
Ruel: "Yes, yes, Her Majesty, I'm coming." Ruel says as he rolls his suitcase out of the house. The wheels make a heavy tapping sound when they have to roll over and over the grooves of the pavement. It's a constant pattern. He lifts the suitcase into the car and closes the tailgate with both hands. For a moment he rubs his eyes and squeezes his lids shut. It is actually way too early.

Yasmine: "Have we forgotten anything?" I ask Ruel a bit unsure.
Ruel: "I think we'll find out on the spot... We can always go to the shops. We are not in the middle of nowhere." He reassures me.

Everyone runs out of the house. It feels like me and Ruel are leaving for months, this is how they say goodbye. We're only gone for a few days. Sylvie and Coco hug me first before they go to Ruel. Then Kate comes to give me a goodbye hug.

Kate: "Remember all I've said... Follow your heart, you know best what to do." She whispers in my ear as she lets go of me afterwards.

Ralph gives me a fist bump which we have done before. It's not that I don't dare give him a hug. It's more like that all those hugs are so intimate, so then you have a bit of balance between the greeting and goodbye you get.  Second, he is not my father, so that makes the relationship very different between us. Although Kate does feel more like my mother. I think because she is so caring for everyone and includes me in it too. She takes all the baby ducks under her wing, even though most of the ducks are no longer babies. It is her children that she wants to take care of.

Ruel and I get in the car and head for the place where I grew up. It is a long drive by car, but that's why we left early. The sun has only just risen.

I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm so tired that I almost fall back asleep every time, only to be woken up again. My head keeps sliding off my hand, which jolts me awake. Yet the world around me remains a bit dreamy.

Ruel: "Try to sleep. It doesn't matter. You need your sleep hard enough." Ruel says carefully, when he realizes that I am very tired. He runs his hand through my hair and I lean my head back against the cold window, closing my eyes.

When I wake up, I see on the navigation that it is still four hours away for the end destination. Actually, I really need to go to the bathroom, so we now drive to a gas station. Also to stretch our legs. It feels like I've been sitting on a wooden plank all day. The nagging pain shoots all the way to my spine. It's also better for Ruel's focus if we stop for a moment. It's hard to drive around for so long. Your eyes focused on the road. Pay attention to the rules and danger. We don't want his driver's license to be taken away again and we eventually have no transport for the return trip.

We drive into the parking lot behind the gas station. It's pretty crowded, full of three-door cars, five-door cars, RVs, trucks. Because of this we have to drive to the end of the parking lot. But we are in the shadow by the trees that protect us from the direct rays of the sun.

We walk between the cars, to the pedestrian path along the grass where there are picnic tables. It looks pretty neat here for a gas station. It's cleaner. Barely any litter on the street. The grass is miraculously kept up, except for the small weed flowers. I have to admit, I'm almost going to enjoy it.