Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 93

We're in a traffic jam in front of the zoo. That was yesterday's surprise. I'm flexible, I bend around all problems to do something anyway. Parking spaces in these kinds of places are really pure drama. It's too small for everything to flow properly. While the amount in the park is not too bad. It is everyone who wants to come at the same time to be there as early as possible to have all the time to see every animal. Preferably twice.

I really can't remember the last time I went to a zoo. And not because I think it's pathetic, all those animals in a box. That they have no living environment by nature. Because most of them were born there and die there they know nothing else. In the end, the instinct of how they should normally live leaves them alone if they don't have to use it here. It's like programming a different way of life into it. What matters to me is that they are not terribly unhappy. Maybe the last time zoo was with primary school. Or when things were still going reasonably well in the family that they still put in some effort to do fun things with us. But even those things we almost never did. The money was often not even spent on us at those moments. That must have been many years ago. The last thing I can remember very well was the water park on a very hot summer day. That we ended up going to the car soaking wet and having to sit on a towel otherwise it would stain the upholstery. The water only helped for a small moment, because when the water got warm on your body it was scalding hot. Besides, you were burning away alive with all those drops on your body. I like moments like this from my childhood. They may stay if I ever get brainwashed and the other memories of the past are erased. There are just moments that I do hold close to my heart. And maybe I should do that too so I don't go down with the rest. That's why I enjoy moments like this so much more, because my head is constantly thinking it could turn around drastically soon.

We walk into the park with the camera around my neck. Ruel was given a map when he paid, but I don't think he plans to use it today. There is such a look in his eyes that he knows everything himself. That he's been here often enough to know the way. Let's take a look at that.

Somehow I'm afraid Ruel will be recognized here. But when we walk through Sydney city center it's really not that bad. Sometimes there are days when no one even comes to ask for a picture and a hug. Everyone who knows him knows that he lives here and has often seen him before. It is no wonder that he walks around there, because it is also just a human being who has to fulfill his needs in order to continue living. So he is Sydney still free of people who constantly ask things of him and he can be himself more. He can ground himself enough in the place where he lives and not be absorbed in all that fame? The people around him help him with that. Not that he will soon be superior to everyone else. That behavior has been unlearned from the start with, "You're really not that good," that's what Coco would always tell him at that moment. He's good, but it doesn't have to go to his head. Still, I like how he tries to keep everything so separate. Only here come so many more people who come from other areas. Who know him and have never met him. I would also ask for a hug if I was a fan of his and ran into him. I don't mind that either way and let it happen. I am happy to even help with taking the pictures. But by constantly being interrupted, eventually it will affect his mood. The picture of him remains the cheerfully enthusiastic Ruel. It remains the bubbly Ruel. Someone with a lot of self-confidence, a positive attitude and a good charisma. He has to put on that mask even when things aren't going well for him. Otherwise, he comes across as mean and doesn't portray himself properly. That's why I understand that it can get annoying if you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, no matter how much you love your fans. I just hope today a little rest for him among the animals.

We walk through the park and stay with the elephants longer than we did for the other animals we passed. We had a look at all the other animals and Ruel had given me time to take pictures. But only with the animals we really do admire we stay longer. So we were with the owls. The pattern in their feathers is always amazing. The way they move their bodies when they hear something. The way that they seem very alert and calm at the same time. They remain predators but I think they are really very beautiful. Despite the bars, the photos have become very beautiful, the steel is no longer even visible. There is only focus on the owl sitting on a branch with its face in the sun. Hidden between the leaves and his body half covered in shadow, he looks like part of the tree. The elephants had had a baby a few weeks ago and were allowed outside for the first time this week. They are cute creature. So big but so touching. The way they play in the water with the baby. One moment it is safe with his mother and the next it is enthusiastically running around, straight into the water. Swims around, sinks but keeps his trunk above water. He squirts the water out again when it has entered his elephants trunk. Like a rain of tiny droplets, almost vapor. It still looks so playful and cheerful. Happy to be in the world. That, of course, also attracts a lot of attention. I'm on the side by the gate. Almost hidden into the bush. When Ruel notices that it is getting busier and people start to squeeze each other, he comes closer to me. Almost pressed his chest into his back. He places one arm on the side of the people while on the other side he keeps the plants away from me so that they don't come in front of the lens. It does make the photos better, so I thank him as I look over my shoulder and see him standing behind me with a smile on his face. It's a kind of cage of protection for all the people around me.