Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 69

I wake up with arms wrapped around my body. The sun shines on my face and blinds my eyes when I try to open them. Only then do I realize that my head feels lightheaded. The room begins to spin slightly around me. I manage to escape from Ruel's arms, but I'm not sure I woke him up. That was not the intention.

I sit up, my feet dangling just slightly above the soft floor of the hotel room. Fortunately, I see Ruel's shirt on the floor in front of me. It's long enough to cover my body so I don't get too cold. I take in the scent when I put it on. It still smells like his cologne he wore yesterday.

Ruel wakes up and lies on his side, one hand propped under his head. I look at the small hallway where the bathroom is located.

Ruel: "Yeah, how are you going to do that?" he asks teasingly. His voice is deep and shaggy from sleep. Oh what a weakness I have for that.

I know very well what he is talking about. My legs feel as limp as cooked noodles. Maybe yesterday it went a little harder than it needed to be able to stand on my feet normally. I bite my lip thinking about yesterday. The pace of his movements. The intimate eye contact. The fantastic feeling. Nothing went against my will.

Yasmine: "It's not that bad." I deny.

I push myself off the bed with my hands and a pain shoots through my body as I try to stand up. I gather all my strength from my legs and walk to the bathroom as normal as possible.

Ruel: "Oh no?" he asks with a laugh, when he sees that I have trouble standing on my feet. His teasingly lustful eyes burn against the skin on my back and I can feel him have a wide grin on his face as he sees me struggle. And somewhere I see that it causes concern in him.

I ignore him and walk to the sink. The cold water from the tap fills the cup and I take a big sip. Meanwhile I see the many dark spots on my neck. I set the cup down and brush my hair from my neck. Gently my fingers brush the hickeys. With one hand I lift the shirt and follow the path from my neck down. They go from my neck, to my collarbone, my breasts, my stomach, hip, all the way to my thighs. One is a bit darker than the other, but they are visible.

Ruel walks into the bathroom and wraps his arms around my waist and looks through the mirror at the hickeys, all over my body, that he made last night.

Ruel: "They look great on you." Ruel says with a soft laugh.

He pulls my hair back from my neck and plants a few kisses. His warm hands on my body contrast with the cold bathroom floor.

Ruel: "Now everyone knows who you belong to." He whispers softly in my ear. Not that he controls me that much, but somehow it was serious.

I turn around, still leaving his hands on my body.

Yasmine: "Oh and what is this?" I ask teasingly as I point to the big dark spot on his neck with a grin.

He leans closer to the mirror and rubs the hickey on his neck. I can see the sparkles in his eyes. He pretends to mind that it's there, but he's proud of it. I've never seen him so proud of a spot on his neck.

Ruel: "Yas I have another interview scheduled tomorrow."
I knew that. That's what makes it so endearing.
Yasmine: "It's entirely your own fault. Then you shouldn't start something you can't finish." I say laughingly.  "Besides, today I have to get a tattoo in a place full of hickeys. So the one on your neck won't hurt."

He quickly grabs the back of my thighs and lifts me onto the sink.

Ruel: "Are we going to play the tease?" Ruel asks with a grin.

I don't have much time to answer. Our lips melt together again and the lust and strength begins to build up again. The match with fire is about to reach the fuse. Let it go up in flames. Almost.

Ruel breaks the kiss and looks at me seriously. Eyes burning in mine. Eyebrows are down. The bulge in his cheeks is gone.

Ruel: "No, but seriously now. Don't fool around. How are you after last night?" he asks concerned. And this is the side that makes me melt. Every time again. He cares about me with all his heart.

Yasmine: "Ruel, I'm okay. I have a little headache. It hurts slightly when I walk or sit. But don't worry about me."

The concerned look remains in his eyes. And he scans my body as his hands rest on my thighs.

Ruel: "Do you regret it?" he asks a bit unsure. He's afraid he hurt me. That he made me feel unsafe.

Yasmine: "It was amazing. I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone but you. You didn't break any boundaries. You treated me the way I want to be treated. I certainly don't regret it."

He averts his gaze. Eyes nailed to the floor. My hands wrap around his cheeks and turn his head towards me.

Yasmine: "Hey. Look at me." I command.

When his eyes meet mine I see his eyes sparkle. The features in my face soften when I look at him.

Yasmine: "It's okay. I'm okay." I assure him.

I see him swallow his words again. But I know how much your throat will eventually hurt.

Yasmine: "Just say it." Hoping he tells what's going on in his head. I think I know what it is. Only I want to hear it from him.

Ruel: "I'm just afraid I hurt you. Mentally or physically." He looks at me with a trembling lip. This is too heavy on my heart. To see him like this when I care about him and know that what's going on in his head isn't true. Sometimes I hope he can read my mind.

I jump from the sink and take him in my arms. He buries his head in the side of my neck. I can feel his body start to shake and he's breathing faster. Occasionally stops because it gets stuck in the back of his throat. A few tears roll down his face. His arms wrap tighter around my body. I can feel his fingertips pressing into the skin of my back as his hand begins to cramp slightly.

Yasmine: "Can you believe me when I say you took such good care of me when we had sex? You asked for my approval. Asked how I was doing. You took care of me. Considering how I reacted to things. You have responded to that. Many people can learn from you. Don't doubt yourself." I try to reassure him.

Ruel: "But you were scared."

Yasmine: "I wasn't afraid of you, because I trust you. I was afraid of my past. Afraid that I might have flashbacks that completely upset me and make me panic."

He nods. Wraps his arms tighter around my body and so we stand in silence. Only his sobbing fills the bathroom space. My hands rub his back. Hoping it calms him down.

Yasmine: "It's okay. Really... I love you. And I will always love you." I confess as I hold his face between my hands again. Wiping the tears from his face.
Ruel: "I love you too."

I quickly kiss his lips and leave the bathroom to get dressed. I'm starting to get cold now.

Yasmine: "And Ruel... Damn, you feel good." I yell when I look at him one last time and disappear around the corner. I get butterflies at my own comment. But it's not a lie.

I hear him laughing behind me. Not too hard. 'Cause I bet he's pressed his lips together. Maybe even bite the inside. It makes his tears disappear like the evaporation of puddles in the sun.