Dream

41

"Ayos ka lang ba?"

I sighed and sipped on my cup of coffee while looking at Yara's casket. I was too occupied by my thoughts to even focus my attention. Matagal akong nakatulala kung nasaan si Yara hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang mahinang pag tapik ni Olive sa balikat ko.

"Sabi ko, ayos ka lang ba?" she repeated.

"Im fine," I whispered. It didn't sound like it, so I needed to add a smile so she would believe my words.

"Hindi gagana sa akin yan, kahit ngumiti ka pa. Alam ko na yan, pinipilit mo na lang ang sarili mo maging okay. Kasi baka sa kakapilit mo, magkatotoo. Tama? Tama!" she laughed.

I slowly smiled to her. Palagi naman akong nagpapanggap na okay lang ako e. I just have to pretend that Im okay, because I know my friends had their own lives and their own problem to mind. Kahit anong mangyari sa akin, their lives would still go on. It was the reason why sometimes I didn't want to tell them my problems. I didn't want them to stop living their lives just because I stopped mine.

It was just a problem, a heart break that I would get over it by myself. I can get over it... At least, that was I wanted to happen, but it was really hard. Really, really hard.

"Kaya ko to," I whispered as I look at Yara's casket. "Kakayanin ko." My voice broke this time. I looked down and let the tears fall to the cold tiles. I couldn't look at Olive. I was too shy.

"Sige lang, umiyak ka lang." she casually said.

I tried so hard to stifle a sob until my chest was already hurting. I was trying to hold it all in, but it was too hard. My emotions were overflowing. I was so devastated.

I stopped crying when Anya handed me a box of tissue. I didn't even notice her coming to me. Kinuha ko yon at pinunasan ang luha ko. Tumabi siya kay Olive at hinayaan lang din akong umiyak.