He Thinks He's the Best - J.H

Chapter 8

⚠️⚠️ talks of suicide

Roxy pov

"Are you sure this is what you want Roxy? You've worked so hard to be where you are. Are you sure you just want to let that go?" Peter asked as I handed him my resignation letter.

"Yep." I said as I walked out.

After last week, and what Jaden said, I went completely numb. I have no reason to live, and I'm sure as hell not going to live in misery.

I'm tying up any loose ends I have with people. I'm not even bothering to talk to my brother or sister, I don't want to give them the satisfaction. I have managed to accumulate in my back account over 50 million dollars in the years I've been saving. I planned on giving 40 million of that to a special cause that I'll talk about later, and the remaining 10 million will be divided, 5 million will go to a charity, and the other 5 million will go to Peters babies college tuition.

I decided that it would be best to have Rebel put down. She's been having a lot of problems with her back legs, and I didn't want her to live in pain. She also has separation anxiety, and I didn't want her to live in fear.

I had managed to see Cameron the other day. He only came back because he wanted some money. I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He was completely fine with that. We were never in a healthy relationship anyway. We really only used each other for sex, so there was no love lost.

I lost the ability to care about what happened to me a long time ago, probably when I had my first suicide attempt. But as you can tell, I failed. I may no longer care about myself, but I do care for others. There were just a few more things I needed to make sure were sorted

Right now, I'm sat in my favourite place in New York. The gardens of Central Park. I always sit here, especially when it's raining. But as luck would have it, it's snowing. Which makes this whole ordeal much more peaceful.

I planned on committing in a few days. There were just a few things I needed to sort out. I wrote out my will the other day and spoke to the people who manage my banking. They were confused as to why I was talking about shifting my money so early. I just told them that I wanted to be prepared. I then told them about my illness and they were more understanding.

"Now why is a beautiful girl like you, sitting alone in Central Park in the snow huh?" A voice rang through my ears as they sat down next to me.

"Just enjoying my time. You seem to be everywhere don't you?" I asked him as he chuckled.

"You're going to get sick Roxy." He smiled as he looked at me.

I must admit that as much as he pisses me off, I still have a soft spot for him. I always have with him. I also sympathise with him, for everything he's been through, he still smiles everyday like his past doesn't exist.

I had to laugh at his statement.

"I'm already sick Jaden. What difference will it make?" I asked as I looked at him. His smiled faltered for a second before it resumed.

"Well, at least you won't be double sick." He said. He does make me chuckle sometimes. He's always so smiley that it makes me want to punch him sometimes. But it also makes me wish I was never so hard on him.

"You smile too much." I chuckled slightly. He just smiled harder at me.

"Well you don't smile enough. Someone has to make up for it don't they?" He grinned.

"If you're not careful, the wind'll change direction and you'll be stuck like that." I teased. He scoffed and dropped his smile ever so slightly.

"What are you? My mother?" He laughed.

"Oh god if I was, I couldn't imagine the things I would do. With the amount you piss me off you'd be dead." I laughed as his laughter intensified.

I felt a small twinge in my heart when I realised what I was doing. But then my selfishness set back in, and I wanted the pain gone.

"So what has doctor Hawthorne been up to lately? You haven't been at the hospital since the day you walked out in your scrubs." He said as he looked out at the gardens.

"Like I said to you that day in the room. I handed in my resignation forms earlier. Thought I'd put myself out of the job before they could take it away." I said as I looked at him. I watched him sigh.

"So you still aren't budging with that idea then? Not having the surgery?" He asked. He almost sounded hopeful that I had changed my mind.

"No. I'm not getting the surgery. I don't want it." I stated. "Why do you care so much?" I asked him, but not in an angry way like I normally would for his prying behaviour, but in a curious way.

"You know when you aren't trying to rip my head off, you're a very fun person to be around. You're just so angry at the world for the shit you've gone through in your lifetime that you're letting it cloud your happiness. You've got wounds but if you give them time, they will heal." He said as he looked at me.

"I had wounds. Some of them healed, but some turned into ugly scars. Scars don't heal, that's why they are a scar. And what you said isn't true." I whispered as I shook my head lightly.

"But it is Roxy. Can you tell me honestly that if instead of me sat here, it was Liam. Or Ryan. Or Sophia for that matter. If it was any one of them, can you tell me honestly that your mind would not change?" He asked me. Brining in my siblings was a low blow. I wanted to explode with anger, but for some reason I didn't have it in me to let it out on him.

"Well they aren't here are they? And even if they were, the likelihood of me changing my mind is slim to none." I said. I heard him sigh, and then his phone went off.

"I have to go. You need to go home soon Rox, before you get sick. Even more than what you already are." He said as he got up and walked back the way he came.

As soon as he left, that's when I let it out. I started to sob and cry. My heart started to hurt and my stomach to churn as I thought more and more about the decision I had made. I didn't feel anything like this before. Why am I feeling it now?

After an hour of crying, I decided to get up and walk home. I was back to feeling numb again. I just wanted this to be over.