Miss Classy And Mr. Sufficient [Completed]

Chapter 29

Big Girls Cry When
Their Hearts Are Breaking

D R I S H T I

Rakshit was successful in escaping from me as he ran towards where everyone was gathered. I couldn't help smiling satisfactorily at the things thta happened a few minutes ago.

I remember what Divya told me when I was leaving the room. She clearly told me "You are addicted to him. Everytime you called tell me a day when you didn't talk about him? Somewhere in your heart you too like him. At least give him a chance. The chance that you never gave him but he always gave you even if you failed him miserably, more than the previous time"

And I felt her words coming true. Rakshit was now becoming the person whom I was relying on every time. I wanted to give him a chance, I still do but what if he simply took me as a responsibility.

Would he forgive me after all the terrible stuff I said to him and did to him?

Would he forgive me leaving him and cheating on him with Neil in front of his eys?

He couldn't. I know he would never forgive. He might have liked me first but after I ruined everything every chance seemed to have faded away in darkness. If there was no hope, I wouldn't be flattering myself by giving false one.

Sitting under the tree at a safe distance from everyone's attention I kept looking at Rakshit who was laughing with Romi and Vicky. Maybe laughed the way he never did with me.

Was I reason behind his faded laugh? His slipping away smile. His losing charm.

No doubt I was.

Out of nowhere Divya came and sat beside me, smiling at me from the side. "Admiring him?"

"No"

"Yes you are" she chuckled and pulled my cheeks but I jerked her hands away glaring at her silently. "What? Tell me you are not"

"No I'm not!" I tried lieing to ger but she was someone who could see behind most of my  lies.

"Ok fine" her head rested on my shoulder and her arms wrapped around me to comfort me. It did feel good but nothing as compared to feelings I experienced when I was with him. "You've started liking him, haven't you?" Divya asked calmly, her eyes following the direction in which my eyes were stuck from the past few minutes.

"No-no I don't" the way stammered was something I knew was because of which reason but I would never be admitting that.

"Don't lie. At least tell the truth, for once. Not to me but to yourself. Just for once" If there was someone in the world who never quit trying to make me realize what I felt then the it was her.

"I don't know" I sighed and gently placed my head in her lap. We were sitting away from every eye which made me give in to my feelings and lean on to her for help. "He's good. But I'm not" A tear slipped my eyes as the flashes of the moments we spent together came in front of me.

This place was close to my heart, it was somewhere I would easily start questioning myself why was I doing all this. It wasn't necessary that past would come repeating itself, that everyone was faking it. But I lacked,

Lacked the courage to be broken once again.
Lacked the strength to be cheated on once again.
Lacked the power to be alone at the end once again.

"I like him Divya" keeping aside all the feelings I was having, pushing aside every other doubt at him I finally admitted it. "I know he is not bad, but I don't want to start expecting anything from anyone. I want to be on my own"

"I knew it" her fingers caressed my hairs and wiped the tears from my eyes. "And I know you are just fearing. You should give him a chance Drishti, please. Don't push him away. You are just losing him, nothing else"

"What if I agreed to give him a chance but he doesn't like me? I have done so much to him" I felt a slight lump forming in my throat but Divya was there, for me, with me, beside me.

Instead of suggesting me anything Divya started laughing at me. When I asked her the reason she simply smiled and said "Oh Drishti. You have the vision but still can't see what lies beyond his eyes, what lies in his heart"

"His heart?" I looked at her, slowly getting up from her lap and allowing my eyes to search for Rakshit once again.

"You'll soon understand"

I was still watching him when I noticed Natasha approaching them. No doubt Vicky was his boyfriend so she must be going to meet him but I was never a fan of her and Rakshit's friendship and still unsure if I will ever be. It was selfish of me without any doubt. My mistakes in the past were coming back to me. I could feel insecurities rush into me as I watched them together.

Watched them talk, watched them laugh, watched them hug and watched them say a goodbye. Even if I knew that they were just friends and nothing more.

"Divya, Can I tell you something?" My voice came as a low whisper so that Divya asked me what I said. "I can't see Natasha with him. I don't hate Natasha because she hates me, I hate her because she's too close to him, I've seen them together several times. And I can't. I just can't" Leaning back at the tree I let out a few more tears and allowed myself to reach at the edge of breaking down. "She's everything I'm not. She's beautiful, she's good, she's talented and moreover she would never betray him like I did"

"Drishti" divya gasped and cupped my face "Why are you thinking all this? You aren't like this. You are confident over everything"

"Or maybe not. Maybe I just want to pretend being confident when all I am is a person full of insecurities lacking the strength to move on from a few things but can't. I've always been so terrible Divya, not just to him. But everyone. And I know that" And now I allowed myself to have a breakdown in her arms.

It's okay to cry.