Different colored minds

A strange request

ALIANA POV

This Friday is the first football game of the season and more importantly, the first big party the Millers are throwing. Anastasia and Mark Miller are twins in their senior year. Anastasia is on cheer with a prospective scholarship at a university nearby. Mark does football, basketball, and every girl worth a second glance. In combination, they are the party house hosts opening the mansion vacation home their parents own for specific fridays. I am invited on Monday, my hands clenched around the small paper invite. I don't like crowds. I don't like alcohol. And I don't think going is a good idea, but if I don't go I will be the only girl on the cheer squad not coming.

"Hey Aliana," I hear Steven's voice behind my left ear.

"What?" I whisper back.

"I have a favor to ask," he continues, leaning forward.

"What is it?" I continue to look ahead at the board.

"Pursuade Joe to come, he won't listen to me,"

"Why would he listen to me?" I snap back.

"Because he loves you," my heart gives an uncomfortable lurch.

"No he doesn't, did you forget that he dumped me? Although I don't know how you could since everyone in school has been talking about it for months."

"Doesn't change the fact that he loves you," Steven's right behind me now, I can feel him exhale behind me.

"No. He. Does. Not." I turn around.

"Steven and Aliana, do I need to put both of you in detention?" The teacher asks, hands on his hips.

"No sir,"

"Good, then get back to work," the teacher snaps. I look down at my desk, my heart pumping.

"Just think about it," Steven whispers. I want to punch him.  Why would he assume that would work? It's perposterous. I don't even want to go to the stupid party.

And my brain is rent in half by a memory of us.

His golden hair and ocean eyes are smiling at me. He holds out his bronze hand and I take it. It's the first Miller party I attend. He pulls me in close to him.
"Come on, it won't be so bad, I'll be by your side every step of the way," he sounds so happy as my mind echos with his happy words.
The party is loud. And Joe is the center of all of it.
"Who's up for a drinking game?" He shouts to the onlookers. Heads turn.
"Let's do it!" There's a chorus of agreement. If he is going to play a drinking game, everyone is going to play the drinking game.
"How about king's cup?" he announces, his words holding his audience captive. There's a mad dash to set up the game.

He drinks the whole kings cup and ends up sloshed the rest of the night. It doesn't stop him though, he plays four more drinking games after and gets everyone into the pool and playing volleyball by the end. He's absolutely insane. And I love him—

Im lost in thought and memory all day, walking from class to class like a zombie. I sigh as I look out of the window. I'm not over him. To my friends I am. Mostly because they always complain to me about their friends that take forever to get over exes. But at the end of the day, I would be stupid not to acknowledge the way that I'm still feeling. My eyes trail towards the other students in the room. I couldn't ask him to the party at school, I'd have to talk to him outside of school; I would have to go to his house. And the memories send me reeling. That would be another battle in and of itself. My mother and father disapproved of him before we started secretly dating, it's only natural that they would be appauled by me going back to him after he left me. I can't disappoint my parents like that. It would hurt to see their brows furrowed in disapproval. To hear them tell me I don't trust their word. They would never accept it as a smart decision. But it's not up to them. It's up to me. The bell rings as I clench my fists together tightly. Then with a long exhale of breath, I let my lungs take a deep breath. But What if he does love me? Am I happy about that? Am I sad? Is it even true?

The last bell is still ringing in my ears as I grab my bag and head down the hall. I pass through the grass in between the normal campus and the gym. It's not like I'd know what to say. What would I say?
Steven sent me to tell you to go to the party?
I want you to go to the party.
I want you and I to work out.
I'm not over this.
I don't even want to go to the party, so why would I inflict that on him?

The locker room is full of talk about the party. Girls are comparing dresses and jewelry they're going to wear. Others are talking about the guys; I walk to my locker.
"Hey Aliana," I turn around in a flurry. All eyes are on me.
"I'm asking joe to the party, is that okay with you? I don't want beef with the captain," Mercedes laughs. My heart stops.
"Yeah," I say with a fake smile. What else would I be able to say? They'd know I still like him if I say no, and then I'm the controlling ex girlfriend. If she just asked me one on one I would be able to be less anxious about this. It's so stupid. If they could just be a little more thoughtful maybe this would go better. But then I'd have to talk about how I feel. And they will trample all over them. These people aren't safe to confide in.
"Sweet!" There's a rumble of ascent. And my heart breaks all over again.
"How are you going to ask him?"
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm so jealous," the words are all blooming like nasty flowers.
I squeeze myself into my clothes as fast as I can. I can't stop shaking. And there's a large lump lodged in my throat I can't get rid of.
"Well, I mean I've been waiting for something like this to ask him. Of course I didn't want to ask him before now, I mean I've been waiting for years now to even talk to him. I mean come on, he's the hottest guy in school," Mercedes is gushing too fast.
"I think I've had a crush on him since I first locked eyes on him."
"What about the wheelchair?" Sierra says. There's a pause.
"Soon he won't be in one," she shrugs.
"What about sex?" Sierra persists.
Mercedes pauses again, thoughtfully.
"I don't mind being on top," she shrugs. There's an embarrassed laugh that runs around the room. I can't take this anymore. I race out of the dressing room and don't stop running until I'm outside of the gym.

That was the one thing.
The thing we didn't do.
He was going to wait for me.
He said he'd wait until we were married.
Then he got into his accident.
And then he left me.
And I can't have him.
And I can't want him.
And my lungs burn.
And my heart burns.
And the world is ablaze.
And I can't breathe.
And I have pictures of Mercedes doing all of the things I didn't do.
And I have five minutes to get my shit together before cheer practice.