Different colored minds

I could let him drown

MAVERICK POV

I'm walking down the hallway when my eyes meet Joe's.
He's on crutches, petering towards a bench. He doesn't look happy. I don't know what to say. But there's this feeling in my chest like I should go talk to him and make sure he's okay.
I feel insane but it doesn't stop me from walking up to him.
"Hi," I say. "Can I come sit next to you?" He looks up.
"Why not." He says in a low voice with a shrug. I sit down.
"Long day?" I ask, looking up at the ceiling.
"My leg hurts, even though it's not there. They say it's called phantom pain and the nub is full of jacked up nerve endings now so what's left of my leg is pain."
"That's definitely not pleasant for you."
"Yeah. Not the best."
"Anything I can help you with?" Yet again I'm asking a question that seems stupid. What can I help him with? It's not like I can give him a new leg. And then all I can think is why do I even care.
I sigh.
"I'll help you with chemistry if you want."
"Hey Maverick can I ask you something?" I pause and look at him.
"Sure." I say with a straight face.
"Why are you trying to help me? It's not like I'm nice to you or like I've done anything for you."
"I don't know. I just keep getting this feeling like I'm supposed to."
"Like god or something?"
"Could be the devil," I laugh.
"Wouldn't be surprised if that was the case," he shakes his head.
"Can I ask you something?" I say looking over at him hesitantly.
"What?"
"Why'd you give up?" His brows crease as he turns towards me.
"What do you mean, give up?" He asks.
"I don't know. You just look like you gave up a bit ago."
"How would you know that?"
"I can see it in your eyes." I'm not looking at his face anymore. I'm looking out at the hallway. I guess I could just leave him to himself. Try and fend for himself. But there's something there. Something asking for a friend. Someone to hear him crying for help in a place that won't listen.
"That's creepy."
"Creepy? You can feel a leg that isn't there."
"That's not my fault."
"Exactly, and this isn't my fault either."
"You asked a stupid question."
"I asked a hard question you mean."
There's another pause then his eyes turn to me.
"Fine. If you wanna help me. I'll let you. I suck at chemistry, I'd rather be in a stupid wheel chair than this thing, and I need to figure out a new career path because no one wants a cripple."
I can see it there behind his eyes, he's trying to shock me. He thinks I'll walk away.
"Well thanks for letting me know. I'll see what I can do. But for starters I can at least help you with your chem homework."
I let my backpack slide off my shoulder, and pull the zipper across the top.
"Why don't you take my notes for now, and we can go over everything after school." I hold out my notebook. He looks down at it.
"Thanks I guess."
"I'll see if I can find anything that helps with the leg too. I'm sure they have to have something on the web. After all, the internet supposedly knows everything." He looks at me blankly but before his mouth can open a bell is ringing down the hall. It's time to go back to class.
He pushes the notebook into his jam packed backpack.
"Then I guess I'm seeing you after class."
"Guess so," I say through a deep breath. What the hell am I getting myself into.

Class is long and Arguous but tutoring joe after class is okay. He just wants to do everything on his own. So I watch him and then when he decides he's ready to crush the table I step in.
He's not dumb. In fact he's one of the smartest people I've tutored but he gives up really easily. I'm glad he tries again in front of me but I have a feeling when left alone he'd just give up, especially right now.
I don't even know how to help him. Or why I'm helping him in the first place. But I also know it's the right thing to do. I don't think anyone else will. And that's another odd thing to me.
If everyone loved him so much as captain why don't they care enough to talk to him now? How shallow were his friendships before now? Which only makes me certain this issue is much deeper than it seems to be. He's treading water in the middle of the ocean. At some point he's going to drown if he doesn't let someone help him.
It's such a contrary feeling to my own. Someone who enjoys doing it on their own. Someone who willingly isolates themselves and enjoys it. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe this is an assumption but he certainly understands how to spend alone time better than I do.
I may spend a lot of time alone but it's not by choice. I was bullied into this position. I was mocked into submitting to the fact I was weird. I will never fit in. I will never be enough. And I will never find a friend. That's what the world told me.
And for my entire life I've believed it. I deserve to be alone because I'm weak. I'm not friend material. I'm selfish and weird. I'm annoying and odd. The world chose this face to put on me.
The world chose that I deserve of be alone until god said I am his child. No one wants to talk about god either though. Maybe that's why I'm alone. Maybe because I love god and I talk about him I'm going to be alone forever.

The hour of tutoring is finished, marked by an alarm.