Different colored minds

My leg

STEVEN POV

Pain is rippling up my leg.
"We're going to have to cut it off."
"Why are you even trying to save him, let him die."
"He's my patient, if you can't be objective about this, you're off duty." The man angrily looks at the head doctor, and then back at me. I'm trying not to make eye contact with him. I want to die too. He's right. I want to die. But I don't get to die.
"Why's he still awake? Shouldn't he have passed out by now?"
I feel the tears in my eyes. It was Joe's face. That's what caused me to pause. For the first time in my life, he actually looked like he was concerned for me. It was the moment I realized I was wrong, he did care. They all cared. They all wanted to live. It wasn't fair. What I did was not fair. But now, no one cared, everyone wanted me dead too. Just like what I thought they wanted before. So nothing changes. Only my parents will hate me now. They all will hate me now. I'm alone now. Like I always thought I was.
"There was another kid, wasn't there?" A husky voice states. My fists clench.
"Where's the other shooter?"
"Dead,"
"Why did this one live then?"
"I don't know, now will you please be quiet so I can work. Sorry kid, this is going to hurt," I know in the back of my head it's a saw, I know it, I close my eyes. Is this how Joe felt when he lost his leg? Is this what he felt like? This is awful. He didn't complain once.
I hate knowing my leg is gone, but it's worse that I'm alive. I should die, I have to find a way to die. I agree whole heartedly with the one who's helping the doctor. I should be dead. I should be one of those dead bodies coming out of that place. I know this is God's punishment for me. That I live and have to face the consequences of what I did. And that is terrifying.