Different colored minds

i dont want to turn the other cheek

JOE POV

I freeze. Down the hallway I see aliana. She doesn't look chipper as usual, she looks banged up pretty bad. She's coming towards me, I don't even think she sees me.
"Aliana," I can't help it, I grab her wrist as she walks by. She looks down at her wrist and then looks over at me.
"What do you want?"
"Will you come talk to me after school in the yard."
"Sure, why not," there's a smile that doesn't meet her eyes and then a swift farewell. As she walks away her hair rustles behind her and the same perfume I used to smell next to me is now wafting by my nose. I clench my fists and then grab onto my crutches. My heart stings. But why? I chose to leave? At the time I had no regrets about it either. I knew my life was going to be different and I didn't want any loose strings if things went south and I didn't make it through the year...
But I couldn't tell her that. It's stupid. I'll be fine. It'll be fine.
But right now, if I'm being very honest with myself, it still stings. She brought so much light into a place where I felt lost and alone.
The hours pass at the pace of a snail. I sit and imagine what did that to her face. I try and muscle through writing poetry in English. It feels almost eternal until I finally hear the last bell. I hobble off to the grass field expectantly.
Low and behold aliana is standing there with arms crossed.
"What's up?" She asks slowly.
"What happened to you?"
She looks at me crossly.
"What's it to you?"
"Come on aliana that's not fair. Come on, just tell me what happened."
"Fine. I got beat up in the girl's bathroom and Abelle saved me."
"Who's Abelle?" My heart sinks. I'm lying. I only know of one Abelle that goes to this school.
"She's a senior with us, tall, black silky hair."
"The cross dresser."
"She's transgender."
"Like you care."
"What do you mean like i care?" Her fists are closing.
"Because I know you. And you love God more than anyone. And you know those trannies are sinning to their core."
"Have you ever talked to one?"
"No," he snaps.
"They have a belief system just like you and usually there's a lot more to it than that."
"Exactly. And their belief system is wrong. They're not a child of god."
"And that's not for you to decide. They deserve just as much right to God as you do."
"When they're outright sinning? They tear up their bodies thinking it'll make them whole. They take drugs that will kill them so they can escape a physical shell they live in. That's insanity!"
She looks at me and then suddenly her face falls, her eyebrows dropping down.
"I feel pity towards you joe." It's barely above a whisper.
"I feel so much hate radiating off of you. Whatever it is that's keeping you chained, let it go. It's not worth it. The future is wide and bright and just beyond reach."
"Listen, if I wanted to talk about my short comings I would let you know. I'm just stopping by to ask who fucked you up so I can go pummel them."
"No joe. I don't want that."
"But I mean look at your face alone. They deserve to get in trouble."
"That's too bad because I don't feel that way. They'll learn through time and patience. And maybe in the far future they'll be able to think through their actions and change."
"That's bullshit and you know it. They won't change, they're incapable!"
"Who are you to judge their capability to change?"
I pause.
"But what if they don't learn, what if they do it again?"
"I'll cross that bridge when I get there." There's a serenity in the way she says this. Like she's waiting for God to decide. Why I loved her. This is making me mad. Why can't she just get mad. Why can't she see how bad this is? Why can't she be angry at her circumstances? Why can't she say they're unfair? Why can't she hate them for what they've done. This is bullshit.
I feel her hand gently touch mine.
"Joe," she says gently. "You have to let it go. I've got it handled. So trust in me." Her eyes are calm like the sky before a storm. Her hand is warm on mine.
"Okay. But if I see you get fucked up again, I'll kill them."
There's pity in her eyes. And worry.
It's a lost cause.

She's choosing to be stupid.

"I gotta go," i snap. I pull my hand away and then hobble off towards the buses. I need to go shove my hand through a wall. To stop this ache in my leg. To stop this ache in my heart. To stop the feelings that are bearing their angry teeth at me. I need to explode so somehow it all goes away. So I can be alone again. Alone and peaceful. The bus ride is long. The time alone at home is longer. And my dad told me the next hole in the wall I pay for the repair.
It's not like I can work out. It's not like there's any point. There's no recovering a missing leg. It's just gone. It's just pain and air. My homework is still giving me a headache. My mind keeps wandering. My mind sees her face. My mind sees the bruises blossoming on her body standing up for someone she doesn't have the same values of. Why is she this way? Why can't she just leave things in their regular place?

Why can't she just tell people the truth. Tell them they're awful and gross and...

Her face is staring back at me in pity. Her blonde brows creased in pity. Why pity me?

Fuck.