Different colored minds

If pulling my hair makes you feel better

ALIANA POV

"Hey aliana how do you feel about beards? Do you think they're attractive?" One of the football team guys is sitting behind me.
"Oh course not, she probably likes a muscular man,"
I don't know what they want me to respond with. To be honest I don't really care about facial hair. I don't care about muscles. If I was really going to tell them what was attractive to me it would be a soul that yearns for the lord and for his kingdom on earth. Someone who doesn't look at the outside first. I don't care if I'm a male or a female I'm a human first I want someone that can love me and god and not stop the plans he has for me. Someone who loves humans and wants them to find love. Someone to stand by me and help bring protection for those who don't have that.
"Aliana, you alright there? Zoning out?"
"Come on Aliana. What do you find hot? It's a bet I have with a friend."
"Neither," I never say my opinion. What if they figure it out? What I actually feel? What I'm attracted to.

She's so hot. I can't help it.

"Oh wait I forgot weren't you hanging out with that tranny dude? Someone thought they saw you holding hands with them or something," this boy's name is jimmy. And my fists clench. They're so ignorant and unkind. I take a deep breath.

Dear lord,
Give me patience.

"Why did you call them that?" I snap.
The boy chuckles.
"Call who, what?"
"Why did you call her a tranny?"
"That's what HE is, right?"
"She may be transgender but tranny is inappropriate. How would you like it if I started calling you stupid, or dumb. Or retarded."
"I don't care," he chuckles. Like hell he doesn't care. He wouldn't be having this conversation if he didn't care.
"Why? Because you'd rather die on the hill of calling people offensive names?"
"Nope. Freedom of speech. I can call anyone whatever I want. If I don't die on this hill who will?"
"What's up with you?" Another kid in the class calls. "You never talked like this before. You possessed? Getting indoctrinated by that little tranny of yours."
"And what's it to you?"
"Watch it woman!" Jimmy snarls.
"Freedom of speech works both ways. You're welcome to get mad at me for this. You can have any opinion you'd like."

At least I respect people having opinions. I don't care if you don't believe what I believe. I care what you do about it. And if you have to flaunt what you feel, you care.

There's a bell in the background going off.
"Well gentlemen, it looks like this is my que to exit." I stand up and then feel a hand wrap aggressively around my hair and pull me back down.
"Better watch out sweet cakes, wouldn't want something bad to happen to that pretty little face of yours." He's pulling on my scalp. I close my eyes and make sure I'm in eye shot of the teacher.

Lord, protect me.

"Hey," a dark voice is coming from the doorway. "Mr. Moore, Jimmy's trying to pull Aliana's head off."
mr. Moore looks up from the book he's reading.
"Knock it off jimmy."
"How touching, looks like you've got a fan club."
He pulls extra hard before releasing my head. Immediately I feel abelle's hand over mine.
My head is throbbing.
"Come on, let's go to practice." I twist my hand around so it fits comfortably in hers.

I cared about the eyes before. I know that now. But in this moment, gripping her sturdy hand all I can think of is how many times I'm sure she's gotten shit for being who she is. Those kids aren't being fair and that's why it made me mad.

The lord never tells us to turn the other cheek towards the oppressed. He calls us to protect them. I know I don't know how I feel at LGBTQ+ shit, I do know how to have a respectful debate. And that absence of humanity is exactly why Abelle is so wonderful. She's like a flower. She's kind and gets her identity trashed on all day long.

I don't care if she's right or wrong, at least she's going about it the right way. I don't know if I could do that. Put up with people after years and years of the abuse. If anyone wants to change someone's mind is through intentionality and when gods timing it'll come up if it's meant to. Only if it's meant to. Because god gives us conviction when he's ready not when we are. It's not up to me to fight someone, it's my job to be there for them and serve them the way Christ served the people who crucified him.

He knew he would be beaten and thrown onto a cross and he cared anyway. He loved anyway. He knows humans are fickle and regret things they did and do and will do. He knows we can't sleep. We can't stop thinking. We want to die. We hate life. He loves us anyway.

And that is love.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13