Different colored minds

A test

STEVEN POV

It's the end of the school day and I'm trudging off to football practice. I enter the locker room filled with partially clad men. There's a rumble of conversation between the members. I don't care. I just have to change and get them on the field as fast as I can. And that's exactly what I do. It takes exactly five minutes to get everyone on the football field. The coach is standing on the field with arms crossed. He's next to a little man with a large bag hanging over his shoulder. Behind him is a porta potty.
"Come on everyone, get going," we all are almost in front of him now. He has his arms crossed.
"I was just informed by an anononous tipper that some of the football team had started smoking weed. Number one. Shame on you. We're a family in the football team and you just betrayed your family. I hope you know for those of you that take this test and it comes out as positive you will be losing your place on the team. Your parents and the police will also be notified. I'm disappointed in you. And for those of you that knew and didn't say anything to the staff shame on you for encouraging them. And for all of you, if we lose this season, it's on you for being stupid enough to do something illegal."

My stomach plummets. My heart stops. My parents? If my parents know. If my family knows. With the police. This... will this be on my record what am I supposed to do? This is so unfair.
"You are supposed to be performing at the top of your game. You are supposed to be focused on success and instead you're slothful and ruining your lives."
They're handing us each a cup and ushering us one by one into the porta potty.
"I can't believe you would dishonor our school like this."
Some kids are fighting with the captain. I'm just walking to the stall calmly. There's no point in fighting this. I know how this ends. Even if they didn't do what they did. This is the end for me. A shoulder bumps into me, it's Aaron. But I see something glinting in his hand. My fingers reach to his. I don't look at him. I just keep walking. I'm at the door of the stall now. Synthetic urine package now in one hand. He just saved my ass.
The minute I'm done handing in my cup I'm on the field drilling harder than ever. Adrenaline is coursing through me worse than the first time I got high—When I got too high. When I wasn't trying to be responsible with my consumption. I told myself I would be responsible. I had to be at the top of my game. I had to be the best. I've always had to be the best. My head has always made me promise myself to be the best I can be.
And here I am running drills while my entire life might already be thrown away.
The coach makes us do sprints. He makes us do hills. He makes us push and pull and lift. He's madder than I've ever seen him. He keeps drilling us until the last minute. He's insane. We are all gasping for air and collapsing on the ground by the end.
The coach doesn't care. He walks away from the team without more than a "practice is over. Go home and think about what you've done."
The walk back to the buses is slow and cold. Adrian bumps me hard in the shoulder.
"Did you snitch fucker?" He hisses.
"You know I have just as much to lose as you do, so why would I snitch?"
"Maybe you wanted to get the rest of us in trouble," he continues.
He's just like everyone else. They think I'm a goody goody. A suck up. Someone that follows the rules to a fucking T.
"I could say the same to you," I snap. What a stupid little brat. Why didn't I see it before? That's why I don't like him. He's an entitled brat. All of them are.
Besides football they don't give a damn about Joe anymore and those men used to worship him. They're ready to throw anyone under the bus who gets in their way. They're willing to forget someone. They're willing to stop caring. They're willing to eat each other to be first. That's not why I wanted to do football.

I wanted to do football to make friends. I wanted to do football to find my family. The one I could call my own. I wanted to play football to spend time getting stronger instead of thinking about the last thing my dad said. I loved how hard I had to push myself.

I fooled myself into believing everyone else wanted that too. They wanted friends. They wanted a family. I told myself that he wasn't like them but look at him now. He doesn't even care that I left. He hasn't even made an effort to fight for me. To stay. He doesn't care. Like always. And so yet again like in every case he wins. I am the loser that cared. And I'm the loser that has to stop caring.

I have to be Able to let them go. To be alone. I have to learn about myself and want to be with me for the rest of my life. No one else cares. No one else wants me.

And I think that's what hurts the most. He didn't even fight me leaving. He didn't even ask why. He didn't even ask what he could do to fix it. He just let me go. He promised me forever. But he didn't care enough to stay. To fight for us as friends. And now I'm alone with a million things on my plate without my best friend. I have to make it on my own. I have to learn that no one is dependable. Not even me.