Different colored minds

I have a bad feeling about this

ALIANA POV

"Excuse me," I feel a strong hand on my arm. I turn around to come face to face with Abelle.
"Hey," I smile. My heart jumps in my chest. Her jawline is stunning.
"I wanted to ask you how to join the cheerleading squad?" She smiles. I can't help but smile too.
"Sure I'm the captain. Try outs for new members is happening next week."
"Great. Thanks for the help. See you then," abelle turns on her heals and skips down the hallway. I look after her, dazzled. She doesn't have a care in the world what they think of her. She's truly and beautifully just being herself.
I keep walking towards the gym. I'm heading towards the changing room with all of the girls changing. They all look up at me with smiles glued to their faces.
"I heard there's two new spots up for grabs this year. Is that true aliana?"
"Yeah," I mumble. All of the sudden I'm anxious that Abelle won't get a spot. That someone else will take it. And I'll be alone here with all of these people who won't understand me.
I grab my set of clothing out of the locker. Why does it feel like Abelle understands me? What is it that she understands more than all of these kids here? More than anyone. Why do I feel that way? I want to change in the bathroom stall. It's so loud I can't hear myself think. I want to be alone. I want to be comfortable. I don't want to be in here with them.
"Wait aliana, where are you heading?" Sierra looks over at me accusatorially.
"Um, I," I look over at the stalls and then back at her.
"I lost one of my sports bras the other Day so I was going to look around for it," I lie.
"With all the rest of your clothes?" Sierra is creasing her brows. I don't even understand why I have to answer her. Why do I care? Why can't I just ignore her? Why does sierra get under my skin so easily? Why can't she just mind her own business. I don't understand why they think it's weird to want to change away from the rest of them. If anything that feels to me like it's more normal.
"Come on Sierra, let it go, you're not some detective or something," Mercedes chides. Sierra looks from them to me skeptically.
"Sure," she says."I just can sniff a lie a mile away. What are you gonna do in there?"
I take a deep breath and turn towards towards the stalls. I run away. Just like I always do.
I can hear them laughing. It bounces off the walls. It feels like it's aiming at me. Like always. Like they're always against me. They're coming up with stories about what I'm doing. I can hear it clearly now over the silent tears spilling down my cheeks.
Some of them think I'm masterbating. The other half think I'm texting my ex. This thought sparks a whole other conversation about him.
This is why I want to change in here. They all won't leave me alone. Ever.
Practice runs long today, by the end the group of cheer leaders flops on the floor with muscles throbbing. I stand at the front next to the coach. She looks out towards the group of girls sprawled out upon the grass.
"As you all know try outs are coming again. I would encourage those of you who are judging acceptance to make sure the new recruits represent our school and our values well. We can afford to be picky." She smiles. My eyes slide to her face. I gulp. The coach has always been this way. She picks the kids she likes and then the other ones can go fend for themselves. Thankfully she likes me so she makes sure I stay on the team. She made me captain as soon as I could be. She empowers whatever she wants behind me. She uses me to get what she wants. Sure I'm the captain, but it's at the cost of my soul.

And then the lump forms again in my throat. What if the coach doesn't like Abelle? What if she doesn't let her in? But what if she does get in? What is Abelle going to do if she gets in? What position would they put her in? Will they let her wear the uniform? My eyes slide towards the group of girls laying on the grass. The dressing room.
What about the dressing room?
And I feel like I'm being punched in my throat. I don't even know Abelle very well. So why do I feel like I'm about to cry? Why am I so concerned? Why do I care this much? Why do I care this much?

Usually I always let it go. I always let things slide. I run instead. But that girl. She's stuck under my skin. And I don't know how to get her out. She's like the ocean. A wave maybe. Curious and momentary and fleeting. No one that beautiful would want me.

What?

And for the first time since Joe left me I breathe.

He's not the one anymore.

I'm not spending all of my time over analyzing his every move. There's something else now. My mind is moving forward. Time isn't frozen anymore. And it makes my heart hurt. Am I allowed to move on?
"You're dismissed," the coach states with a smile.
I race back to the dressing room. I shove myself into my clothes and then I race back out of the dressing room. Everyone is in the dressing room and for once I don't care. Can I be allowed to feel this way again?

For the first time in months I'm free. I didn't think it would happen like this. And I won't ginx myself by saying I like her. I can't. She's going to leave just like joe. So I should get over it. So I should just be her friend. So I should just get over me. Again. I should just leave me behind. There's more out there than me. Than what I want. There's more out there than me. And if Joe came back...