Gods of the Sea (BTS Vocal Line X Reader)

Ch 19 - Reunited

She was in my bed again.

This had become a habit I didn't approve of. It wasn't that I hated the idea of a beautiful woman sleeping next to me, of course, but I hated how attached to this woman I was becoming. If Y/N didn't get back on that floor, I was going to do something we'd both regret.

So instead, I dragged myself out of bed and went to my desk. One of us had to make wise decisions. I was out of practice but I could figure it out.

I lit a candle to break up the darkness, then poured myself a heavy glass of rum. I downed my liquor, the candlelight next to me catching the edges of the glass.

"Aren't you in pain?"

How could she read me so easily?

Men had died under my command before. That was part of being... whatever I was. An outlaw? A criminal? It wasn't this many, however. I hadn't sent men towards their spiritual doom before.

The first time I lost my men, it nearly killed me. The guilt and pain of being irresponsible with the lives of someone else... it was too much for me. So instead, I decided to have no interest in protecting life at all. I wouldn't get attached. I wouldn't feel that guilt again.

And now here I was... drinking large amounts of liquor and thinking about how I'd lost my men... and how I could have lost her too.

Her financee had come for her. There was no mistake about that. The siege was so that he could take her from me. My chest tightened at the thought. It made me want to go down and slit their throats in their cells.

But I knew if I did that, she would never respect me.

I shook my head to myself, pouring another glass of rum.

"Why do you care so much, captain?" I whispered to myself. "She's just a woman. You've never acted like this."

There were a few times in my life where I thought I was in love with a woman. The one that stood out to me the most, however, was when I was thirteen. The daughter of a regular customer in my father's shop before his accident. She was incredibly shy but graceful. The way she looked at me through her long eyelashes sent me into first-love bliss. When she moved away for her father's business, I was completely shattered, wondering how I could let a girl like that slip out of my fingers.

Y/N made me feel like that boy again. That stupid thirteen year old boy who was obsessed and possessive.

But her financee was only a few feet away from us.

"With him as your prisoner, you can command me to do anything you wish."

I swallowed a mouthful of rum. Anything? You stupid girl. Do you know what kind of thoughts a man has when you say that sort of thing?

I was no angel. I knew exactly what I could do to her... and I knew I was capable of doing it.

And suddenly that guilt came over me again. The guilt of lives in my hands that I had no business being in charge of. My men died to protect her on my orders. Now she was in my bed, and all I could think about was ways I could make her mine.

But I couldn't. She was too pure. Too innocent. Dirty hands like mine shouldn't touch women like her.

Instead, I opened the drawer of my desk, taking out my notebook and dipping my pen in ink.

I couldn't trace the curves of her jaw and lips with my fingers - not in this life - but on paper I could do anything I wanted.

I couldn't love her. I didn't know how to do such a thing anyways. But I could capture pieces of her on paper to keep with me for when she left me. After all, she wouldn't stay. She couldn't.

Princesses like her didn't love demons like me.