Life changes.

need to.

I am laying in bed with Aubrey. Hanna has Aiden downstairs playing. Aubrey is laying on my chest looking at me. “Daddy?” I rub her hair and smile at her, “Yes princess?” she looks over to where Ally should be, “Where mommy?” I look at her and smile, “I bet she is getting you something for being such a big girl yesterday.” She smiles wide at me and lays back against my chest and closes her eyes.

I look over to my phone and still have no reply from Ally. Sighing I look down at Aubrey, “Want to go get some pancakes?” Her eyes pop open and I laugh, “Hanna was making some for Aiden, want some?” She nods and I go to move her off the bed and she starts crying and wraps herself around me the best she can. I nod, “Okay, I will carry you.” I stand up and she fixes herself with her legs wrapped around my waist and arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around her back and start to head downstairs.

We turn the corner and I see Hanna feeding Aiden. “Did you make enough for two more?” She looks up and laughs, “Yes, they are on the stove.” I walk over and take one hand arm away from Aubrey and make us a plate. I walk over to the table and set the plate down. I stare at Aubrey, “Princess I need to put you down for one second.” She looks up at me sad, “I promise I will pick you right back up.” She nods and I set her down and then sit in the chair and pick her up placing her on my lap. I cut up some pieces for her and hands her a fork. I then work on eating my own pancakes.  After I am done with my two I look down and see Aubrey hasn’t even ate one. “Princess what’s wrong? Do you feel okay?” She nods and looks at me and hands me the fork, “eat.” I look at her and watch as she opens her mouth. “You want me to feed you?” She nods. I start to feed Aubrey and shake my head at Hanna looking at me with a confused face. I have no idea what is going on and neither does she.

~'~'~'~'~

Sighing I look down at a sleeping Aubrey across my lap. Aiden is asleep right next to me on the couch. Hanna is cleaning up. I swear we don’t pay her enough for everything she does. Still no contact or mention from Ally. I don’t know if I’m more worried or pissed. This whole thing is driving me crazy. Ally should be here with her daughter. Aubrey wants both of us and I can’t blame her for that.  Hanna tried to take her earlier so I could get a shower and Aubrey screamed and cried. I had to take her back from Hanna to get her to calm down. I can’t move if Aubrey isn’t with me.  

Aubrey starts to move and I look down. She pops her head up and stares at me before looking around. “Mommy?” I shake my head, “Sorry baby.” She looks at me and turns around to curl up with me but be sitting down. I turn on a cartoon and she lay back down in my lap to watch it.

Aiden moves some and I pick him up and hold him in my arms and rock him as he smiles at me. I love being right here with my kids. I hate being on tour being away from them. I love touring because of the rush I get on stage and at doing what I love but nothing feels as great as being right here with  my kids. Touring and being on stage doesn’t come close to this, right here.

~'~'~'

Aubrey went with me to help put Aiden to bed. I sent Hanna home after dinner. “Aubrey can you grab his bear.” She removes one hand from my neck and grabs Aiden’s bear. I put Aiden in his bed and Aubrey leans down and puts his bear in his bed with him. I smile at her, “You’re a great big sister.” She smiles at me.” I lean down and kiss Aiden goodnight. “I love you. See you in the morning.” Aubrey pushes herself away some.  I laugh and move her so she is leaning into the bed. I watch her lean into Aiden and kiss him on his forehead like we do to her. I pull her back up and she smiles, “Night Aeden.” I smile, “You are so sweet.” She smiles at me and hugs me, “Bed.” I nod and turn away from Aiden. Walking out of his room I pull his door up slightly but not all the way.

I start to walk into Aubrey’s room when she shakes her head, “No. You bed.” I pull her away a little so I can look at her face. She has a nice purplish blue color on her forehead. She still has dried blood in her hair because she won’t let me put her in the tub to bath her. I tried to wipe it out but I think I just made it worse. “Princess, don’t you want your bed like a big girl.” She shakes her head and curls up to me. “No.”

Sighing I carry her to my room and lay down in bed with her on my chest. She leans up and kisses my forehead, “Night daddy.” I smile and kiss her forehead before she lays down on my chest. “Goodnight princess. Sleep tight.” I watch her close her eyes and hold onto the side of my shirt as she falls asleep. I grab my phone and check to see if I have anything from Ally or even Alex. Nothing from either of them but I got a text from Jimmy.

Hope Aubrey is doing okay. If you can’t finish the tour let me know, I worked on something for a back up in case. I understand needing to be there for your daughter.

I set my phone down and look at Aubrey holding on to me with soft snores coming from her. I think I need to cancel the tour. I think I will do one more tour and I think it will be my farewell. I need to be around my family and my children. I need to be here for them when they need me. I need to be around for myself too.  I kiss Aubrey’s head and close my eyes dreaming of what life could be and possibly will be soon.