Life changes.

Talking

I sit there and stare at him while he looks at me. I know what I feel in my heart and I know I love Austin but I know Trish was right when she said I owe this to Alex and everyone. If we don't get this all out in the opening then we will all be miserable, some more than others.

He looks at me and sighs, "Ally, I know you have questions probably and I know you are probably mad too but if I can just explain a little bit first." I nod and watch him look at his lap before staring into my eyes, "I would sit down with pen and paper and all I could think about is stuff that happened to me. I would just start writing it out and then I would go back and make it make sense." I nod and watch him sigh, "It wasn't until I was reviewing my songs that I realized they are all about you in some way." I stop and stare at him, "It's not even that all your songs have parts of me in it, I mean yeah it's irritating but the ones I'm not in feel like they are meant for me and like they are directed at me." I watch him shake his head, "That may of happened when my moods would change or I wanted you to listen to me or I wanted to explain something to you but I never meant it to be like that. I never meant for my songs to be about you or for you to feel like they are directed to you."

I look at him staring past me to his wall thinking and I feel kind of stupid showing up now. I mean of course more needs to be talked about but I feel stupid. I have never felt this awkward around him. I sigh drawing his attention back to me. "Is it bad that I feel real stupid for coming by like this now?" He laughs and shakes his head, "It was a long time coming." I nod and look at his bed. "We need to just get everything out." He nods and looks at me, "How about we start with what songs got you upset?" I shrug and think about it. We could start at the beginning and work my way down the songs. I think about it, "The first one, Earned It." He nods and looks at me. "Like always completely honest?" He nods and I think about how the lyrics went but I can't pin point them exactly, "I can't pinpoint exactly what the lyrics were but I do remember you basically saying your going to care for me. I'm worth it and I earned it. You are use to being used and something about a lonely night saying it wouldn't be love." He shrugs and nods his head saying I'm in the ballpark, "From that I am getting that you feel like I am and did use you and that night when you told me how I felt and I didn't say it back was just the knife in the wound. I am getting that you will care for me no matter what and it doesn't matter the pain you are in because to you I am worth it. I don't understand the earned it part."

He sighs and stares at me, "It's not how you are getting it exactly." He moves and leans against his wall and kicks his legs up on his bed. "I am so used to being used and its something that has always happened to me. I am not saying I feel used by you, I am saying I am use to the feeling that comes with me being used and sometimes I get that feeling around you. I am going to care for you because yes, to me you are worth everything I get put through and everything that comes with you. And yes you did earn it, you have been through a lot and you deserve to be cared for. Yes, that lonely night when it all came out and you didn't say anything back it hurt but like I mentioned in the song you feel like our love will be tragic so you pay it no mind. I get it and it doesn't mean I am going to quit caring for you and being there for you because you are worth it all to me, you are perfect to me."

I look down and breathe out, "happily." I look up and see him look down at his lap, "That whole song feels like it is about me and it just..." He nods and looks up, "The song basically says everything. you don't understand what it does to me when I see you with Austin, kissing him and holding his hand. We were together and it was all going great. But in a weird twist of fate you had to walk away more than once. I understand that but to me we were on fire and we were and are meant to be." He shrugs and looks at me, "I don't care what people say when they see us together. I know people talk and I know paparazzi have ran rumors that you are cheating on Austin with me, but I don't care what they all say. I just want to be the one you are with and the one that can hold you in your sleep. I know you haven't always been happy and you have wanted to leave him and well, I am here. I know Austin knows what happened with us and I'm sorry but I really just don't care if he ever thinks about it. I honestly don't care about what anyone can or would say I know you sometimes want to leave and I am here and I know you could be happy with me. We could be happy..." He stops and looks up at me, "That is what that song is saying." I nod and look down at me lap, "Do you still feel that way?" He shrugs, "Some days." I nod and look back at my lap.