Life changes.

The Wedding

 

I am laying in my bed wondering if I should get up and get dressed. I was invited to the wedding but I don't think its right for me to go, I didn't even go to the rehearsal dinner last night because it just felt too weird. I got up got dressed and had my keys in my hand ready to walk out the door when I saw the picture of Ally, Austin and I at prom and I placed my keys back down and just didn't go. I look at the ceiling trying to figure out if I should go to the wedding or not, I just don't think it wouldn't be right of me to go. How can I watch the woman I am in love with marry someone else? I stare at my ceiling and think. I bet she looks absolutely beautiful. I am trying to decide what to do when I hear a knock at my door.

I get up and shuffle to my door. I open the door and see Ally in her wedding dress staring at the ground. She looks absolutely stunning. It takes me a minute to realize she shouldn't be here. "Ally?" She looks up at me with those eyes that I can lose myself in and I see she is conflicted, hurt and upset under all that I think I see happiness. It's her wedding day she should be happy. She should be bouncing up and down and screaming for joy. Her voice is so small, "Can I come in?" I move aside and she walks in and sits on my bed with her dress moving out around her like it is nothing, like this is nothing. I can't stop staring. She looks so beautiful; more than normal.

I shake my head again when I realize she is not supposed to be here. A part of me is so excited that she is here right now but then the good moral part of me is worried and saying this is not right. I walk over and sit on the bed beside her. Its quiet for a few seconds and I don't talk because I know she just needs to think, then I hear her voice so small again, "Have you ever did something you regret?"

I turn to see her head down playing with her engagement ring on her finger.

I look down at my lap, "More than you can think." I see her nod next to me from the corner of my eye, "I regret a lot." I look at her and after a few seconds she meets my gaze, "Ally what could you possibly regret? You have amazing children. You are the Ally Dawson and are marrying the Austin Moon. You graduated top of our class next to me." I hear her giggle, "You are going on to do amazing things. What could you regret?" She shakes her head and looks at the floor, "More than you could know." I don't push her. I know better than to push her. I look back to the floor until I hear sobs coming from her bringing my attention back to her, "I.. I.. think.. I'm making a mistake." I look at her, "Ally, you think of everything and then you do it again, I don't think you have ever made a mistake." She shakes her head with tears coming down but the sobs have died down, "I made a mistake when I got pregnant, I made a mistake not telling Austin, I made a mistake getting that house with Austin, I made a mistake going to this stupid school, I made a mistake going out and being stupid, I made a mistake losing myself for so long and hurting everyone and I think I made a mistake letting you go." She looks up at me and I see the hurt in her face and the confusion in her eyes. I know this is killing her. I know she is worried about what she is doing and having cold feet. I love Ally more than anything in this world. I would do anything for her. I trust my life in her hands and would die for her. I have fought all along for her. I would continue to fight for her until the day I die. I have been all along but... I have to do what I have to do. I have to do what is right, no matter what. I shake my head and let out a huge sigh as I brace myself for my final heartbreak from this girl. I have to reassure her not ruin her.

Grabbing her hand I look at her, "None of those were mistakes Ally. They were you becoming you. They were you growing up and learning what to tell Aubrey when she gets older. They were you gaining wisdom and being the person you are right now. You are amazing and nothing will ever change that." She nods and I look at her, "You know this sweetie. You have always known that, now why are you really here right now?" She bites her lip and looks down, "I don't know if I can do it Alex." I move closer and rub her back in small circles. I could do it right now. I could make Ally mine. I look into her eyes and see that it's not me she is worried or concerned about. I am once again her fall back boy and will never be her first choice. Man does this hurt. I just need to remind her of her feelings and take the heartbreak for the final time. "Ally, do you love Austin?" She nods, "More than anything." That hurt but I have also known that all along. "Would you change anything that has happened between the two of you?" She shakes her head immediately, "No, I love my life. I love where I am. I can't imagine my life turning out any other way." I look at her, "Would you have ever said no to Austin asking you to marry him?" She shakes her head slowly, "No. I love him." I smile through the pain in my chest and look at her, "Then I think you have your answer sweetie." She looks up at me and nods. She hugs me and I hug her back as she relaxes. I just did that, god I am so stupid. I pull away and see the happiness that was buried under her concern take over her face. She looks so happy. All I would have done was break her heart and ruin her. She loves Austin and is happy to be marrying him, I have to suck it up. I just want her happy. She smiles wide, "I am getting married." I nod and smile before standing up and holding my hand out for her, "Now let's get you to that wedding." She laughs and grabs my hand. I lift her up and she fixes her dress.