Life changes.

The talk.

I am laying in my bed staring at the ceiling. I slept for a few hours then I just couldn’t sleep no more. I think about turning the television on but decide against it. It wont help any. I lay there thinking maybe I will fall back asleep. I hear a small knock and then my door opens and I see Ally poke her head in. With a whisper I hear my name, “Alex?” She looks around and comes in a tiny bit. I see her stand on her tip toes. With another whisper, “Are you awake?” I sit up and nod, “Yes Ally, I am awake.” She comes in all the way and closes the door as I turn on the lap on the side table so we have light. “What’s wrong?”

She comes in with a sigh and sits on the edge of the bed, “I can’t sleep.”  I sit up and lean against the pillows against the headboard. “Anything I can help with? Or do you just need someone to keep you some company?” She turns and looks at me, “Can we talk? I need to talk to you.” I nod, “Of course, I am always here.” She laughs a little before turning and sitting with her legs crossed and facing me.

I watch her look at her hands in her lap and then at me. “Ally?” She looks up and I see in her eyes that she is figuring something out. I nod and lean back letting her do what she needs. Finally she looks up and opens her mouth, “What was up with that song?” I stare at her, “It was a good song, I figured we could dance around and sing like old times.” She shakes her head, “I should of said this first, No lying. Only the truth between us.” I nod and sigh, “Okay, I knew the song and had the perfect opportunity to tell you how I feel with it.”

I watch her nod, “So the lyrics did mean what you sung? You are trying to get over me and be okay but its hurting?” I nod. “You don’t like seeing me with Austin?” I shake my head, “I never did. From the first day I met you I didn’t like it. But I thought I was wrong I mean I didn’t even know him. I decided I needed to give him a chance. When I realized it was a pattern and he kept hurting you I didn’t like seeing you with him. I knew I could treat you better but you were madly in love with Austin and there was nothing anyone could do to change that. Seeing you happy was all I wanted even if I had to see you with him.”

She looks at me with her mouth open slightly processing it all. “I found the items in your closet.” I stare at her and sigh before nodding, “Okay.” She stares at me and tilts her head a little, “Why did you keep them?” I stare in her eyes because this is important. I need her to understand this. “I wanted you out of my life so bad because I was hurting so much and it was getting worse and worse. I was literally hurting Ally. I figured if I could get you out of my life it wouldn’t hurt so much. I came home after the party and your scent was everywhere. I was thinking for awhile and then the scent became too much. It was like I was drowning in it and couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. I grabbed my blankets and yanked them off my bed hoping it would help and it didn’t. I went out and bought new ones and when I came home I changed my bed and tried to throw the other ones away. I just couldn’t though. I was at the door with them in my hands and I couldn’t move that last step. I did not want you thrown away. I did not want to throw you away. I took a tote and I put the blankets and everything in it. I found the bra and closed it in with it. I went through and packed everything into that box or tote. I didn’t want to throw you away and I felt like if I threw items away that at one time meant a lot or just because your scent was on it then I was throwing you away.” Staring at me she shakes her head, “But you made me think you did. I saw nothing, no pictures or nothing.” I nod, “My favorite picture of us is under my pillow. It’s a picture of us cuddling on the couch at my parents. My sister took it. It has been under my pillow since the night of the party. It might seem weird but I needed that picture close still. The others are all in a box in the top of my closet. “