DC Headcanon's 6: Sparkle Sparkle!

a test

A/N: I got encouraged to write a The States version of Kickassia, an old anniversary type movie from an old long-defunct website I used to adore. I suggest not to watch it, it's very bad. Instead of like in the movie a bunch of nerds invading and running a micronation for a week, the states want to help Nevada get his brother Molossia back from the president. Hijinks ensue. I don't know if I'll write more of this because the source material is bad but I may. Here's what I've got so far. 

It was a beautiful morning in Molossia, a small area of land just outside of Reno which, due to a technicality, was not part of the United States and thus was declared it's own micronation by it's leader, Kevin Braugh. Said president was doing what he always did every morning; he was going through the mail while Molossia himself chewed on the breakfast the First Lady made for the family.

"The pancakes are chewy." Molossia announced.

"I told you if you poured too much syrup on it, they'll get chewy." Kevin scolded not even looking up from the personification. He only glanced up at a knock at the front door, slowly dropping the mail on the table.

"Another tour group?" Molossia asked.

"I didn't have any scheduled today." Kevin muttered standing up.

"I wouldn't answer it, remember the last time you got a mysterious knock at the door? A bunch of nerds invaded me! I had to watch so much Hogan's Heroes!" Molossia whined.

"Quiet, maybe it's one of the kids." Kevin scolded leaving the kitchen and making his way to the front door. As he approached, the sounds of bickering could be heard coming from the outside, and none of the voices sounded like one of his kids. With a sigh, Kevin opened the door ready for the fuckery that awaited him.

Standing on the front step were three men; one wore a Saint's jersey and Tiger's hat with Madi Gras beads around his neck and a cup in one hand, the other was in simple shorts and a tank with a flamingo bucket hat on his head, and finally the one in the back wore a black 'Don't California My Nevada' shirt with a showgirl headdress on his head. The three stopped arguing and the one in the flamingo bucket hat smiled at Kevin, who became uneasy at the chaos that spilled from that grin.

"Hi. I'm Florida, former Spanish colony, third in education and overall a swell guy." Florida announced. Kevin stared at the three.

"Oh this is Loui and Nevada." Florida announced pointing out his two companions. "We're here because we heard you had something of ours."

"YEAH MY BROTHER YOU ASS!" Nevada yelled.

"Is that Nevada?" Molossia called from the kitchen.

"MOLOSSIA. Get out here!" Nevada begged.

"Uh....I'm busy!" Kevin just continued to stare at the three.

"Uh sha you okay?" Loui asked.

"Look, our demands are very simple. You give us Molossia back, and we don't call forty-seven of our friends." Florida announced.

"And the government!" Nevada added. Kevin continued to say nothing, just stepped back into his house and closed the door behind him.

"Son of a bitch! Give me my brother you ass!" Nevada yelled, pushing past the chaos duo and banging on the door.

"Why do they always want to do it the hard way?" Florida asked Loui, who shrugged, before grabbing Nevada and pulling him back from the door.

"Don't worry Nevada, we have a plan." Loui said proudly.

"Storm in there and pull Molossia out by his ear?"

"No, no." Florida laughed. "But that's a good thought..."

Back at the Statehouse, Loui and Florida spent nearly all morning calling the other states. But they got bored when coming up with their master plan so all they did was call, tell said state, 'it's time', before hanging up and moving onto the next. They had just finished with the last state and were about to relax with some alcohol when Florida's phone rang.

"'Ello?"

"FLORIDA." DC screamed attempting to put his suit jacket on. "The fuck do you mean 'it's time'?"

"It's time!"

"For what? Chaos? I don't have time for this today!" DC yelled.

"Hang on Dee, I think Loui's getting a call back." Florida announced as Loui picked up his own cell phone.

"Are you finally ready to accept God as your personal Lord and Savior?" Utah asked excitedly. Loui looked at Flo confused as 'call waiting' went off on his end.

"Hang on Dee, I have call waiting." Flo announced.

"DON'T HANG UP ON-"

"Hello?"

"4:45 pm." Washington announced proudly.

"Wha?"

"You called, said it's time, and I'm telling you it's 4:45 pm." Washington said proudly.

"Sha, sha hang on I've got another call." Loui announced switching over to the other call on his phone. "Hello?"

"I've got 4:30 pm, but I think Washington's watch may be more accurate." Oregon announced.

"Sha, maybe we should've written that speech." Louisiana admitted as Florida switched to another call.

"I'm behind you one hundred percent Florida! Any Chick Fil A who refuses to serve us chicken nuggets on Sunday will be blown SKY HIGH." Tennessee announced before laughing like an evil villain.

"Okay normally I'd support this, but that's not what this is about!" Florida yelled.

"Then what is this about?" Tenn asked, slightly disappointed.

"We're invading Molossia to get Nevada's brother back!" Louisiana explained.

"We're invading Molossia at." Oregon checked his watch again. "4:33 pm?"

"Stop checking your watch!"

"Hang on a sec Tenn." Florida sighed, hitting the call waiting. "Cali?"

"What." Cali demanded.

"Do you have Hawaii's number?"

"Your mom has Hawaii's number." Cali announced with a smirk.

"Your mama jokes are lame Cali, just like your Disneyland." Florida said smiling.

"HEY." But Florida didn't stick around for Cali's rant, Florida was too busy calling Hawaii.

"Uh yeah hi, this is Hawaii I'm not home right now, please leave a message after the beep unless you're a mainlander. Then please lose my number. Especially if your name is Gov." Hawaii's machine ordered before the beep indicated it was recording.

"Rude." Florida gasped quickly, hanging up and switching to another call.

"4:39 pm." Washington announced. Florida rolled his eyes and put the phone right in front of him, placing it on speaker.

"I'm putting you all on the line." Florida announced before hitting another button. "Is everyone here?" A chorus of 'yes's' echoed back at him.

"Great! So we're going to Nevada so we can get Nevada's brother, Molossia back!" Florida announced.

"I feel like someone tried invading Molossia before." Cali muttered.

"Well we're going to do it better." Loui said proudly.

"How are we going to get there?" Oregon asked.

"I'll fly you all down! I stole DC's credit card!"

"YOU WHAT?" DC yelled.

"And booked us a hotel?" Utah asked.

"Course!" Florida grinned. "I booked everyone a hotel room!"