Backlash Part 1

Prologue

Based off of the novel Mo Dao Zu Shi, written by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Some elements taken from the Donghua of the same name and the live action (The Untamed). I do not own the characters or main plot. This is a fanfiction in which two characters travel back in time and try to change the events that originally happened in the story.

Mature content including: Trauma, abuse, attempted suicide, swearing, and sexual content.

Notes:
'Words in single quotes are thoughts'
'Words in italicized single quotes are things people are remembering. Such as, something someone said to them before.'

Wei Wuxian felt the last ember of hope die in his chest. He couldn't win. Of course he couldn't win. To win he would have to be truly ruthless. How could he do that when the opposing army was dotted with people that he didn't want to kill? The answer was simple of course.  The answer was he couldn't. Further, part of him had probably known that he wasn't going to win. Why was it so hard to protect someone.  He could block a single attack, but if the attacks never stop what do you do? He told everyone to leave, but where could they go? He told them to run, but how could they run fast enough to evade cultivators in the midst of battle?

The Stygian Tiger Amulet rose in the air beside him.  He felt the last traces of warmth in his body turn frigid.  The resentment took on a sharper edge.  The feel of it biting into him like sharp blades made his stomach turn.  The feeling was painful and familiar.  He could feel bile rise in his throat as he remembered the last time he felt it.  Nightless city.  Shijie. Chenqing suddenly seemed heavy in his hands.  It seemed to take all his will to hold it up.  Every note he played came with the brutal image of his shijie's corpse.  Her tear stained face.  The blood soaking her clothes.  He swallowed back the sour taste in his mouth and focused on mobilizing the resentful energy to defend the fleeing Wen Remnants.

Why couldn't they just be here to kill him?  If in Nightless city they had only been insisting on killing him.  He would walk out now and hand himself over. He wouldn't complain.  If they could just let the last family he had go.  He'd lost so many families.  Did he have to lose another as well?  He pushed through the haunting images that flashed before his eyes. Pushing himself to his limits trying to defend the last family he had left as they fled.  The air was filled with screams.  He only wished it was only the screams of resentful spirits. Granny's body crumpled to the ground in a heap of blood. Her gentle eyes stared lifelessly and Wei Wuxian felt like another piece of his soul died with her.  No matter where he looked he'd find another uncle, another auntie, another kind and gentle soul reduced to gore.  Each of those deaths became something cold and sharp ripping him apart from the inside.

A sharp pain erupted across his back.  Biting into his skin like teeth. Searing his flesh and setting fire to his nerves.  It was a familiar pain, Zidian. He turned his gaze to his shidi.  He remembered the look in Jiang Wanyin's eyes as he held shijie's corpse.  Jian Wanyin's eyes were filled with rage so intense that it would put Yu Ziyuan's glare to shame.  Of course he hated him.  He should hate him.  Jiang Wanyin had lost everything because of him.  Under the rage was a deep painful sadness that Wei Wuxian wished he couldn't see.

He retreated out of Zidian's range and grabbed the Stygian Tiger Amulet out of the air. Wei Wuxian had failed at everything.  Everything he wanted to protect was gone. Hungry eyes of cultivators had their gaze fixed on the object in his hands. He didn't have the strength or time to destroy the amulet safely, but he supposed that didn't matter. He'd long since lost the will to live. The tiny spark that had kept him alive was to protect his family. How many times had he tried to protect his family?  He'd lost so many families.  He shouldn't have expected to be able to keep this one.  The ground was littered with the bodies of his last family.  There blood soaked the earth and turned the fields to mud.

Wei Wuxian separated the amulet into two halves. Even through this brutish method he wouldn't be able to destroy the entire amulet. Still, as long as he could destroy half of it the other half would be rendered useless. Wei Wuxian threw half of it into the midst of the battle and saw many cultivators turn their attention toward the object they coveted. Meanwhile he gripped the other half tightly and channelled all the strength he had left into it. Blood sprayed from his mouth and leaked down his face. In wisps of black smoke the cursed thing crumbled to dust and scattered in the wind.  At least he could take his evil out of the world with him.  At least he wouldn't cause anymore suffering after his death.

The pain that followed put everything he'd experienced before to shame. The backlash of the resentment contained in the object he destroyed would devour him.  He knew this before, but he hadn't know how much it would hurt. The cold had reached a level of frozen so that it felt as though every nerve was burning.  Sharp pains like blade stabbed and danced through his body.  He had been hurt by the resentful energy many times, but they all paled in comparison to this.  He'd long since lost the ability to scream. Vaguely he was aware that his face was wet, but he couldn't tell if it was tears or blood. He wanted to die.  He had no will to live.  There was no reason for him to exist.  No one alive wanted him.  Everyone who had ever cared for him had suffered.  If death didn't claim them, then the suffering had burned away any trace of love to leave only hate behind. Wei Wuxian begged in his heart for it to kill him faster. 

'It hurts. It hurts.'

'Let me die.'

'It hurts. Please let me die.'

'I'm so tired. Please let me rest.'

Nothingness mercifully claimed his consciousness.