"Lan Zhan. I'm fine." Wei Wuxian said attempting to soothe the Second Jade. "I bumped the table by accident." He saw the slight frown form on Lan Wangji's face.
"Where?" Lan Wangji asked. Wei Wuxian's mind pieced together the additional words that belonged to that question. 'Where did you hit it?'
"I hit my knee, but it's fine. More surprising than anything else." Wei Wuxian explained.
Wei Wuxian was lifted into the air and set on the bed. Without a word Lan Wangji knelt in front of Wei Wuxian and began rolling up the leg of Wei Wuxian's trousers. Wei Wuxian, being the reckless person he was, had already had months to learn that it was better to just let Lan Wangji take a look for himself. Wei Wuxian had not managed to out stubborn the Second Jade when it came to any potential injuries. Wei Wuxian had tried before and failed miserably.
Telling Lan Wangji that it probably wouldn't even bruise would result in an argument that would take longer then just letting Lan Wangji look at the suspected injury. Not to mention Lan Wangji would still end up looking at it. Lan Wangji examined the knee that Wei Wuxian had knocked against the table. Calloused fingers gently massaged the area until Lan Wangji was satisfied that it indeed was not a serious injury. Lan Wangji rolled down the trousers once more and sat beside Wei Wuxian on the bed.
"What happened?" Lan Wangji asked.
"What? I already told you." Wei Wuxian said blinking innocently. Lan Wangji's lips pressed into a slightly firmer line and one of the eyebrows lifted slightly. Wei Wuxian was already very familiar with what this look meant. This was Lan Wangji's, 'stop your nonsense and answer me properly,' look.
Wei Wuxian toyed with the idea of making up some story about getting up to get water and tripping on the table. Wei Wuxian looked up at the genuine concern and care radiating from those pale gold eyes. If ice were to be tinted with just a brief touch of gold dust, the resulting color would be Lan Wangji's eyes. Those eyes were the most beautiful, most honest, most genuine, and Wei Wuxian couldn't bring himself to lie when he was looking at them.
"I woke up and had a lot on my mind. I wanted to think through it on my own for a bit, but then I kind of startled myself?" Wei Wuxian tested out exactly what had made him jump in surprise. "Do you ever get surprised by your own thoughts?" Wei Wuxian asked, looking at Lan Wangji.
"Mn. Since meeting Wei Ying." Lan Wangji replied. Wei Wuxian's face lit up.
"Really? What kinds of thoughts?" Wei Wuxian asked excitedly.
"Unknown feelings. Thoughts about wanting to be around you. Wanting to touch you. Wanting to kiss you." Lan Wangji recited while watching Wei Wuxian intently. Wei Wuxian laughed brightly. The burst of joy lifted the somewhat sour mood that had crept up on him earlier.
"Lan Zhan! How are you so cute?!" Wei Wuxian could not hold himself back as he threw his arms around Lan Wangji's neck. Wei Wuxian belatedly realized that that might not be the most normal reaction to hearing your significant other talk about wanting to touch and kiss you. Except that Wei Wuxian was running through in his mind dozens upon dozens of their early encounters.
Thinking back to those glares in class. Lan Wangji catching him breaking into Cloud Recesses the first night. Lan Wangji catching him breaking in again after the waterborne abyss incident. Breaking in with liquor. Had the furious Lan Wangji been plagued by thoughts of touching Wei Wuxian as they fought on the roof? Had the Lan Wangji who used silencing spells on Wei Wuxian in the library been fighting back the desire to kiss him? If those infuriated glares were covering Lan Wangji having lewd thoughts, then Wei Wuxian really could not contain just how hilariously adorable he found the Second Jade to be.
"What thoughts startled Wei Ying?" Lan Wangji inquired gently. His golden eyes gazed softly at Wei Wuxian. The laughter died down and Wei Wuxian's heart sunk back into his melancholy thoughts. Once again Wei Wuxian found himself struggling with what to say. If he pushed, Wei Wuxian knew that Lan Wangji would eventually let him off without talking about it. Except Wei Wuxian knew that would hurt Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji would respect Wei Wuxian not wanting to talk about it, but Lan Wangji would be sad that he couldn't help support Wei Wuxian with whatever was bothering him.
"I was thinking about myself and the Jiang Clan." Wei Wuxian started slowly. "My parents died when I was little. I was alone after that. I lived on the streets, although 'lived' is a very generous word to describe it. When I was nine Sect Leader Jiang found me. I don't know exactly how old I was when my parents died. So I don't know how long I had been trying to survive like that. It could have been three years or five? It isn't hard to imagine that I'd probably have died in the next couple years if I hadn't been taken in at the time."
Wei Wuxian's tone as he spoke was light. As though he was describing events that had never touched him. Casually talking about losing his parents and struggling to survive on the streets with all the casualness of discussing what he had for breakfast.
'Wei Ying would have more feeling and enthusiasm than this when discussing what he had for breakfast. Whether good or bad.' Lan Wangji thought to himself.
"It's... It's so messy in my head." Wei Wuxian said in mild frustration. "How I fit in the YunmengJiang sect. What they are to me. What I am to them. Everything I feel about it." Lan Wangji could hear the confusion in Wei Wuxian's voice. Conflicting emotions flashed across Wei Wuxian's face until he finally slammed his fists against his thighs in frustration. Wei Wuxian hit his thighs so hard that Lan Wangji could hear the impact, even with the fabric to muffle it.
"Wei Ying!" Lan Wangji said in alarm as he quickly covered Wei Wuxian's fists with his hands. He simultaneously tried to provide comfort while also holding Wei Wuxian's hands in place. Wei Wuxian stared down at his lap, feeling guilty for causing Lan Wangji distress. He hadn't meant to. It was like the feelings inside suddenly surged with distress until it was too much to contain. The next thing Wei Wuxian knew he had struck his thighs hard, and unlike his knee Wei Wuxian knew these would bruise.
Wei Wuxian felt himself being pulled into a warm embrace. Wei Wuxian curled himself in Lan Wangji's arms as the Second Jade rested his chin on top of Wei Wuxian's head. Wei Wuxian felt his emotions calming as Lan Wangji held him.
"Talk when ready. I'm here." Lan Wangji said softly. Wei Wuxian did not have words to express how much he loved Lan Wangji. The support and acceptance was like nourishment that Wei Wuxian craved. Something long deprived that his soul desperately hungered for.
"I feel like I take too much from you. Too many meltdowns and insecurities to count and every time you are there offering support and acceptance. I love it, and I need it... need you." Wei Wuxian whispered quietly. "I just feel guilty. Like I am taking too much. Draining you."
"Acceptance is not a limited resource." Lan Wangji stated calmly. Wei Wuxian could hear a soft affectionate smile in Lan Wangji's voice. "Wei Ying. It is stressful when you are in pain. The support I give you is as much for me as it is for you." Wei Wuxian looked up at Lan Wangji skeptically. Wei Wuxian seriously doubted that.
'How much effort do you spend constantly reassuring me? Like right now?' Wei Wuxian kept the questions to himself, but he let them shine in his eyes. There for Lan Wangji to understand the skepticism.
"Wei Ying. Let me love you." Lan Wangji said softly in his low magnetic voice that always seemed to pull Wei Wuxian closer. "Holding you when you are upset. Reassuring you when you are uncertain. It is a need. Wei Ying, when you are hurting, all I want is to comfort you."
"Lan Zhan. I love you." Wei Wuxian said quietly. 'I've spent so long feeling like I am a burden. Waiting for those I love to discard me.'
"Wei Ying is never a burden." Lan Wangji said firmly. Wei Wuxian blinked.
"Did... Did I say that out loud?" Wei Wuxian asked in confusion. Lan Wangji shook his head.
"Know Wei Ying." Lan Wangji replied.
YOU ARE READING
Backlash Part 1
FanfictionAt the moment of his death, Wei Wuxian is sent back in time. He wakes up in the Cold Spring of Cloud Recesses during the time when he was there to study. Traumatized and exhausted Wei Wuxian attempts to end his life, only to be stopped by Lan Wang...
