Wei Wuxian drifted half awake. Warm arms were squeezing him in a crushing embrace. His face was buried in the crook of Lan Wangji's neck. There was no need to pull himself from pleasant sleepiness when he was so warm and comfortable. Distantly Wei Wuxian noted a strange dampness on his shoulder. His brows furrowed in confusion wondering how or why his shoulder would be damp. Then the realization that Lan Wangji's face was there. He wondered a bit at what that meant. The pieces clicked into place and suddenly Wei Wuxian was wide awake.
"Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian called urgently. Wei Wuxian tried to jerk up to a sitting position, but strong arms pinned him in place. Wei Wuxian frowned, unable to see Lan Wangji's face at this angle. Lan Wangji was crying, or had been crying. He couldn't be sure how fresh the tears were, but his robes were damp so they were recent enough.
"Wei Ying is awake?" Lan Wangji asked softly. His voice was low and steady.
"Mn. How are you? Are you feeling okay?" Wei Wuxian asked urgently. There was silence for a while, then Lan Wangji sighed and held Wei Wuxian close.
"Thinking." Lan Wangji spoke softly. Lan Wangji wasn't certain how to explain all the noise going on inside of him. Even if he had managed to sort through pieces of it while listening to Wei Wuxian's faint snores, it didn't make it easier for him to express it.
"Do you want to talk?" Wei Wuxian asked gently.
Lan Wangji hummed in thought. Did he want to talk? Talking to Wei Wuxian was nice, much nicer than talking to anyone else. What to talk about though. Lan Xichen? Lan Wangji already knew what Wei Wuxian had and could say about that. Lan Wangji had said it to himself and, while he missed Lan Xichen, he was comforted by the assurance that Lan Xichen was likely fine. Lan Qiren? Lan Wangji did not like seeing him hurt, but again he had every reason to believe he would be alright. Qingheng-Jun? Lan Wangji physically shook his head at that one. He had nothing helpful to say about Qingheng-Jun, nor did Lan Wangji especially want to think about him any further.
"Well I don't mind cuddling in bed all day whether talking or in silence, silence on your part since you cannot expect me to be both awake and quiet. I'm curious though, what happens when a Lan stays in bed all morning? Your schedule is so rigid, do you break out in hives or something if you sleep in too much?" Wei Wuxian teased playfully. The teasing brought a smile to Lan Wangji's face and a lightness to his heart that he did not expect to feel so soon. Wei Wuxian could do that. He could bring lightness and ease where there had previously only been anxiety and pain. Wei Wuxian brought relief, making everything more bearable just with his presence. Lan Wangji sighed, allowing himself to relax as he again picked through the thoughts and feelings that were still loud, but certainly a bit more organized than before.
"Everyone has questions." Lan Wangji said quietly, letting himself sink back into what he was most avoiding. He had picked through the most intense of his fears and thoughts. Even if he was still worried about his family, the situation with his family did not change by hiding in the Jingshi. Lan Wangji's realization that he had killed people wasn't lurking outside the doors. It rolled faintly in his still slightly unsettled stomach. It was unpleasant, but Lan Wangji didn't doubt that he would come to terms with it. He had killed people, but those people were killing his friends and family. He did not have it in him to regret his actions, and he knew this was only the first confrontation.
These things all felt like they should be large and daunting, but none of these reasons were why he wanted to hide under a blanket with Wei Wuxian like a small child pretending the outside world didn't exist. While Lan Wangji felt ashamed and a bit childish, what he found most daunting was something that lurked outside the walls of his Jingshi. Hundreds of distressed disciples and nervous elders, each with a hundred questions were out there, and they all wanted to talk to Lan Wangji. They wanted to ask everything from the most inane, to the most emotional of questions. That was something worth hiding from.
"So everyone has questions and since they're all more panicky and emotional than usual your long silences and icy stares aren't scaring them off?" Wei Wuxian questioned with a clear smile in his voice.
Lan Wangji buried his face more thoroughly in Wei Wuxian's hair. Lan Wangji did not like talking to almost anyone. He didn't mind leading nighthunts. A small group of people who he could instruct or command was fine. Even battle formation and strategy was mostly fine. Conversations about who should be assigned to do inventory on pickled vegetables... Did they really need his opinion for this? Anyone capable of counting would be fine. Then there were the more emotionally charged questions. Questions Lan Wangji did not feel equipped to answer.
Lan Wangji decisively snuggled closer to Wei Wuxian. He would much rather stay here and hide, like how he used to hide whenever possible during guest lectures. It used to be he would hide himself away in the library or practising his guqin. He didn't call it hiding, but he was aware that Lan Xichen knew exactly what he was doing and why. It was also probably why he kept trying to push Lan Wangji to spend time with Wei Wuxian. Lan Xichen could not possibly miss the increase in Lan Wangji actually stepping outside of the library or his room.
"Alright. Don't worry. I'll help you. I'm good at redirecting people, remember?" Wei Wuxian giggled, patting Lan Wangji's back lightly. Lan Wangji frowned. That was true in the past, but Wei Wuxian avoided crowds now almost as much as Lan Wangji did.
"Wei Ying no longer likes crowds, or dealing with lots of people and questions." Lan Wangji pointed out. He didn't want Wei Wuxian pushing himself for his sake. It was Lan Wangji's responsibility to take on the duties of Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren while they were unable to. Even if Lan Wangji hated it and wanted to hide to see if people couldn't just figure things out themselves.
"Lan Zhan, this is different." Wei Wuxian huffed. Lan Wangji pulled back enough so he could see Wei Wuxian's face. He squinted skeptically at Wei Wuxian's grin.
"How?" Lan Wangji inquired. Wei Wuxian chuckled.
"Well, firstly they aren't asking questions about me. That's a big help by itself." Wei Wuxian said emphatically. For a while it seemed like the only thing any of the guest disciples in Cloud Recesses or anyone in Lotus Pier wanted to discuss was Wei Wuxian. To say the scrutiny was uncomfortable for Wei Wuxian would be an understatement. "Secondly, you remember how you talked more and interceded for me with the crowds at Lotus Pier?" Wei Wuxian inquired.
"Mn." Lan Wangji hummed in acknowledgement.
"It's easier to do something that makes you uncomfortable when it is for someone you care about. Engaging a crowd for the sake of talking is not the same as engaging a crowd to prevent them from overwhelming my Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian said with a smug smile. Lan Wangji was still frowning. Wei Wuxian wasn't exactly wrong. Lan Wangji had gone outside of his comfort zone more than once to shield Wei Wuxian. However, Lan Wangji wasn't certain he wanted Wei Wuxian doing something that made him uncomfortable just to help spare Lan Wangji.
"Do not want Wei Ying under more stress." Lan Wangji said at last. Wei Wuxian smiled warmly.
"Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian said fondly. "There's one more thing that I think gives me a bit of an advantage here. This isn't affecting me as much as it is everyone else" Lan Wangji's frown deepened.
"Explain." Lan Wangji pressed. Wei Wuxian sighed.
"Well, I won't say war and the aftermath of battle is comfortable, but for me it's familiar. I know what to expect. I'm... used to it, for lack of a better word." Wei Wuxian's voice was quiet.
In many ways a bloody battlefield and burying corpses felt safer than a leisurely stroll through the market. In a market place he was on edge. He was waiting for things to suddenly escalate and change. In battle, it already had escalated. Instead of constantly waiting to see if someone would try to kill him, people were already trying to kill him and he knew how to respond once the actual fighting started. When the fighting ended he knew what to expect from his fellow cultivators and the surviving civilians. So oddly enough Wei Wuxian felt more in his element in this sort of situation than he did navigating a dinner at Lotus Pier.
"So. Let me help. Odds are a lot of what they are asking you, are things I will have already seen handled before." Wei Wuxian said with a reassuring smile.
YOU ARE READING
Backlash Part 1
FanfictionAt the moment of his death, Wei Wuxian is sent back in time. He wakes up in the Cold Spring of Cloud Recesses during the time when he was there to study. Traumatized and exhausted Wei Wuxian attempts to end his life, only to be stopped by Lan Wang...
