Backlash Part 1

Chapter 157: Black and Red

Wei Wuxian carried his sword with him at all times. Even though it was practically useless to him on the battlefield. Wei Wuxian had not found a way to simultaneously wield spiritual energy and large amounts of resentful energy. As soon as he began mobilizing his army of fierce corpses his ability to use his spiritual energy was all but blocked until he'd had a few hours to recover and dissipate some of the accumulated energy.

Suibian became little more than an extra weight strapped to his body, but Wei Wuxian still carried whenever he left their tent. At first Lan Wangji didn't think anything of it. Cultivators carried their swords with them at all times. It was considered such a given that Lan Wangji never thought about why Wei Wuxian carried a sword into a battle during which it would never leave its sheath.

It was almost a year into the war before Lan Wangji finally thought to question the behavior. After one of Wei Wuxian's rare wartime nightmares. When Wei Wuxian spent hours in the quiet pre-dawn atmosphere speaking quietly about the war of his first life. He talked about the constant pestering of people demanding why he didn't carry his sword.

In that life Wei Wuxian could not have carried his sword. He would be asked to draw it, and immediately his lack of a golden core would have been revealed. Something he was not willing to risk. So Wei Wuxian had endured merciless taunts about his disrespectful attitude, arrogance, and supposed low breeding. Then he had to mix them up with being hounded by allies and friends about why he wasn't carrying his sword.

Lan Wangji knew all too well that one of those voices would have been his own. Expressing himself clearly had never been one of Lan Wangji's strong suits. His brother could glean his intentions from little more than a shift in Lan Wangji's gaze. However, Wei Wuxian had not had the time to learn to read Lan Wangji's intent in that life, and Lan Wangji had not had the pressure early on to push him to try to improve his ability to make himself clear.

Lan Wangji was much better now. He could speak with people other than Lan Xichen and make himself clear. Not many people, but certainly more than before. Most importantly he had learned that he needed to read behind what Wei Wuxian said. Something that he doubted he had realized so quickly in Wei Wuxian's first life.

Wei Wuxian's words were plentiful and his expressions were loud. Lan Wangji had never considered that there would be anything concealed about Wei Wuxian's thoughts or feelings until he saw Wei Wuxian with Suibian in the back hills of Cloud Recesses. Lan Wangji was grateful for the time they had had together before the start of the war. Even if much of that time was spent worrying about the coming war.

It had given him time to practice making himself clear to Wei Wuxian. It had given him time to slowly learn. He had time to learn how Wei Wuxian's mind worked, and learned how to spot when Wei Wuxian was deflecting. More importantly he learned how to help Wei Wuxian. He learned how to speak and what to do in order to let Wei Wuxian know that he was there to help. It also taught Lan Wangji that the more casual and subtle Wei Wuxian was about something the more it probably meant.

Once they joined the war effort Wei Wuxian never wore his GusuLan sect robes again. Wei Wuxian had been nervous about wearing them when he first received them. It had taken prodding from Lan Wangji and at first Lan Wangji thought Wei Wuxian had not liked them. Then he realized how much symbols of belonging meant to Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian was very aware of his connections to others and how those connections were perceived.

'Too aware.' Lan Wangji thought bitterly.

Lan Wangji had heard enough to know that Wei Wuxian had grown up being constantly reminded that he represented his sect. It seemed to be a regular occurrence for Wei Wuxian to be berated with the reminder that his words and actions reflected on his sect. It was not an unusual reminder, it was something every young disciple would hear from time to time. A reminder to be righteous and courteous.

Lan Wangji wondered if Wei Wuxian had heard other things in those reminders. Maybe hearing a threat that if he did not represent the sect well then he would be abandoned. Then again... is that not rather close to what happened? Wei Wuxian was blamed for the harm that came to Lotus Pier. He was abandoned by the YunmengJiang sect for protecting the civilians he saved from the labour camp.

So Lan Wangji took notice when Wei Wuxian began to exclusively wear black and red. From the very start of the war Wei Wuxian not only never wore the GusuLan sect robes, but he also did not wear YunmengJiang sect robes. That was a change, because even when Wei Wuxian was distancing himself from the YunmengJiang sect he still wore their colours when he was not in GusuLan robes. Now he did not wear either.

Lan Wangji had made several attempts to get Wei Wuxian to wear his GusuLan sect robes again, faced with a different excuse and dismissal each time. Finally Lan Wangji had sat down with Wei Wuxian one evening and asked him why he did not wish to wear robes that identified him as belonging to a sect. A few stuttering responses eventually crumbled into a very typical Wei Wuxian answer.

'Everything Wei Ying does is about protecting others.'

Wei Wuxian did not want his use of demonic cultivation to be connected to the people he cared about. If there was to be backlash from the cultivation world for the use of demonic cultivation, he wanted it to fall on him. He wanted to be the recipient of the rumours, accusations, and shame. Not any of the people he cared about.

Wei Wuxian refused to wear colours or symbols of either of the sects that he considered family. He dug his heels in so firmly that Lan Wangji understood this was not the time to argue with him. Instead Lan Wangji had removed his forehead ribbon and secured it around Wei Wuxian's wrist beneath his robes.

'Even if no one else sees it, Wei Ying needs to know that he is mine... Wei Ying belongs.' Lan Wangji had seen the glow in Wei Wuxian's eyes brighten at those words. He'd also noticed Wei Wuxian developing a new habit of casually holding the wrist that the ribbon was tied to and stroking his thumb across the fabric of his robe, as though feeling the ribbon underneath.

It filled Lan Wangji with satisfaction to see Wei Wuxian using the ribbon as something to calm himself. He noticed Wei Wuxian seemed a little less tense when weathering disparaging comments of others. As though the ribbon gave Wei Wuxian some confidence that he had lacked. Lan Wangji was quick to remind Wei Wuxian at any moment that he was loved and wanted, but Lan Wangji was happy to have something to physically remind Wei Wuxian that he would always belong with Lan Wangji.

It was easier to enjoy the sight of Wei Wuxian clothed in the black and reds of the energy he controlled in battle, knowing that Lan Wangji's forehead ribbon was tucked safely against Wei Wuxian's skin. Lan Wangji had felt a bit uncomfortable going out without his forehead ribbon, but he endured the shocked looks he received for the few days it took for Lan Xichen to secure a replacement. Lan Wangji had no intention of ever reclaiming his original ribbon.

With this in mind Lan Wangji was somewhat displeased with himself for not noticing right away what Wei Wuxian was thinking when he so meticulously kept Suibian on his person. Wei Wuxian did not say explicitly that he was constantly carrying Suibian so that people could not be able to admonish him about it. He did not say that every day in camp he remembered the remarks about his character and manners. Voices that had harassed him endlessly about where his sword was, and why wasn't he carrying it.

Wei Wuxian was carrying Suibian religiously. Desperate to appease voices that had chased him into a corner in his past life. Lan Wangji had whispered soft reassurances to Wei Wuxian and gently kissed away tears as Wei Wuxian admitted that it had hurt to be spoken to like that. The assumptions and accusations had hurt. The way it was constantly used to insult the YunmengJiang sect had hurt.

Wei Wuxian had admitted being afraid to have his behavior used to disparage Lan Wangji and the GusuLan sect this time. Lan Wangji hummed in response before stating that Wei Wuxian's actions were brave, ingenious, and kind. Lan Wangji was happy to be associated with such an intelligent and righteous cultivator.