Backlash Part 1

Chapter 87: No Pressure

Wei Wuxian focused on the sensations he knew were real. The comforting pressure of Lan Wangji's arms. The warmth of the bath water against his skin. The cool and relaxing sandalwood fragrance that Lan Wangji seemed to always exude. Lan Wangji's low magnetic voice humming a melody that seemed to seep into Wei Wuxian's soul and cocoon him in a warm blanket of peace.

The phantom sensations were finally fading. The burning cold and sharp sting that had poured through his veins in pure agony before he died. The bite of Zidian in his flesh as Jiang Wanyin had struck him at the siege. The feelings of defeat and hopelessness that had been thick and suffocating. Wei Wuxian had felt so disconnected from his body. He couldn't tell what was really happening and what was being remembered. He couldn't tell where he was, or who was next to him. He felt so scared.

Part of Wei Wuxian understood what was happening. The part that could still remember what Wen Qing taught him about flashbacks. It was only after many talks with her that he realized they were not actually something new for him. It was just that they had gotten much worse. Wei Wuxian understood now that even though sometimes he would hear or see things that were not currently happening, sometimes his flashbacks would present differently. Sometimes it was just the emotions and sensations. Sometimes they would only last a few seconds.

This one had lasted hours and Wei Wuxian had dissociated so badly that he really couldn't tell what was going on. Wei Wuxian did not even remember Lan Wangji finding him, or how they ended up on a dock. He just remembered slowly becoming aware of Lan Wangji's voice. Then slowly hearing the words Lan Wangji was saying. Wei Wuxian had tried to follow what Lan Wangji said. He tried to focus on the things Lan Wangji described. The scent of lotus flowers and river water. When Wei Wuxian focused on that he could also smell the wonderful scent of sandalwood, Lan Wangji's scent.

Then Wei Wuxian could finally feel the strong embrace holding him against a warm chest. He could feel the fingers gently combing through his damp tangled hair. Finally he was able to move and touch the fabric of Lan Wangji's robes. He was able to speak and hear Lan Wangji's words. Wei Wuxian sighed as he moved slightly. Wei Wuxian rubbed his cheek against the warm shoulder, bringing his focus to the feel of the soft skin beneath his cheek. Light movement of his body helped bring the feel of arms around him into better focus.

Wei Wuxian felt himself relaxing as he let Lan Wangji's low magnetic humming wash over him. He still felt a bit strange. Oddly disconnected from himself and the world around him. He didn't like the feeling and there was a small amount of panic curling in his stomach. Wei Wuxian tried to calm himself. He reminded himself that it would go away eventually. Lan Wangji was here and Lan Wangji wouldn't leave.

"Thank you for coming to find me." Wei Wuxian said softly. Lan Wangji's arms tightened around him.

"I will always find Wei Ying." Lan Wangji said gently. Wei Wuxian felt a soft kiss land on his temple. Wei Wuxian felt tears gathering in his eyes. He held onto Lan Wangji as they slipped free. Wei Wuxian felt a thumb gently stroke his cheek, wiping the tears away. Wei Wuxian smiled.

Wei Wuxian felt the hand leave his cheek and a movement like Lan Wangji had reached for something. Wei Wuxian saw what was in Lan Wangji's hands. Wei Wuxian was filled with a soft and affectionate joy. How did someone so sweet and caring fall in love with him? It had been a long time since Wei Wuxian felt he was lucky, but Lan Wangji definitely made him feel lucky.

Lan Wangji could seriously have anyone he wanted. He was gorgeous and talented, but so much more than just that. Lan Wangji was kind, so kind. Lan Wangji was caring and protective. He put Wei Wuxian first. Wei Wuxian wasn't used to having someone put him first. He wasn't used to being treated the way Lan Wangji treated him. Like he was precious, like he mattered more than anything else.

Wei Wuxian complied with the wordless request in Lan Wangji's eyes. He shifted his position so Lan Wangji could have free access to his hair. Warm water was ladled over his head to soak through his hair. Then Lan Wangji began gently massaging Wei Wuxian's scalp. Wei Wuxian melted. It felt so good.

Wei Wuxian was so relaxed that he was half asleep when he felt Lan Wangji lifting him out of the bathtub. A towel was wrapped around him and Wei Wuxian leaned against Lan Wangji as Lan Wangji used spiritual energy to dry Wei Wuxian's hair. Wei Wuxian loved this feeling. The feeling of being taken care of. Clean clothes were placed in Wei Wuxian's hands and Lan Wangji stepped back to dry and dress himself. Wei Wuxian dressed himself. The sleeves of the inner robe were a little long. A faint fragrance wafted from the fabric. Sandalwood. Wei Wuxian blushed bright red.

'These are Lan Zhan's.' Wei Wuxian felt oddly giddy at the realization. There was a soft knock on the door. Wei Wuxian heard the door opening and the sound of someone entering and placing things on the table. Once the footsteps receded Wei Wuxian rounded the privacy screen to find the table covered in dishes, over half of them loaded with chili peppers.

Wei Wuxian went directly to the table, yelping when Lan Wangji snatched him into an embrace. Wei Wuxian eeped as Lan Wangji pulled him down swiftly to a sitting position. Wei Wuxian had grabbed onto Lan Wangji instinctively at the sudden movement. It took him a moment to realize Lan Wangji had just pulled him down onto his lap. Wei Wuxian blinked at Lan Wangji in surprise. Lan Wangji wrapped his arms around Wei Wuxian's waist.

"Lan Zhan?" Lan Wangji buried his face in Wei Wuxian's hair.

"Wei Ying is safe." Lan Wangji whispered quietly. Wei Wuxian relaxed against Lan Wangji.

"Mn. I'm safe." Wei Wuxian said enjoying being held. Wei Wuxian was finally feeling more like himself. In the safety of Lan Wangji's arms he let himself think back through the events of the day. Anxiety curled in his stomach as Wei Wuxian remembered what he had wanted to talk with Lan Wangji about before the sudden invite to town.

"Lan Zhan. There were some things I wanted to talk to you about earlier. Would it be okay to talk about them now?" Wei Wuxian asked.

"Mn." Lan Wangji agreed. Of course he would agree. Lan Wangji always let Wei Wuxian talk about whatever he needed to talk about. Wei Wuxian took a breath to try and collect his thoughts. Try to remember what Sect Leader Jiang had talked about, and the concerns that had risen in Wei Wuxian.

"Sect Leader Jiang talked to me about our engagement after we finished selecting the disciples to bring for the competition." Wei Wuxian said quietly. "He said a bunch of things. 'Relationships are stressful.' 'This betrothal was really sudden.' 'You have time to change your mind.'" Wei Wuxian changed his tone to reflect that he was more or less quoting Jiang Fengmian. Although Wei Wuxian wasn't sure the words were the same, he felt like it was the same message.

Lan Wangji didn't say anything. Gently rubbing Wei Wuxian's back as he had been doing before. Wei Wuxian was grateful Lan Wangji hadn't said anything. Instead Lan Wangji was waiting for Wei Wuxian to explain what it was about this that was specifically bothering him.

"It made me wonder if maybe you had felt rushed? Or pressured into the betrothal for my sake?" Wei Wuxian asked , his voice lifting with uncertainty.

"Wei Ying. I want to court you. I want to marry you." Lan Wangji's voice was full of certainty and that certainty soothed Wei Wuxian's anxious heart. "Do you feel pressured?" Lan Wangji inquired, wanting to make sure Wei Wuxian was comfortable. Wei Wuxian abruptly sat up, his eyes startled.

"Of course not! You're amazing. I always feel spoiled around you. I worry I am too much work and causing you stress. I don't want you to leave me, but I want you to be happy. I want to make sure I am making you happy." Wei Wuxian explained somewhat frantically. Wei Wuxian began to panic thinking he might have made Lan Wangji think that Wei Wuxian himself was unhappy with the relationship. The last thing Wei Wuxian wanted was to end his relationship with Lan Wangji. A hand cupped the side of Wei Wuxian's face and directed him to look Lan Wangji in the eyes.

"Wei Ying makes me happy." Lan Wangji spoke softly as his pale gold eyes searched Wei Wuxian's. "It hurts to see Wei Ying in pain, but I love when I am able to ease that pain. Not being able to find you is frightening. Learning that something is wrong and not knowing if I will find you. It is the worst feeling." Wei Wuxian could see a shadow pass through those bright golden eyes. Wei Wuxian embraced Lan Wangji tightly.

"You did find me. I'm here, and you made everything so much better." Wei Wuxian whispered reassuringly into Lan Wangji's ear.