Backlash Part 1

Chapter 108: Empathy Attacks

Wen Qing was in the infirmary three times before she started lying to the other healers. That is to say. She went there three times, reporting on her symptoms and that the medicine was not doing anything to them. On and off she had been feeling unwell. At first it was just for an hour or so. Sharp abdominal pain ranging in severity, or mild nausea were the most prevalent symptoms at first. She might go an entire day without symptoms.

At first Wen Qing thought she was sick. Then with the sporadic nature of her symptoms she thought she could have been poisoned. After a few days she had stopped going to the infirmary and was methodically ruling out options through her own diagnostic skills and those of her youngest didi. It took the better part of two weeks for Wen Qing to figure out that the symptoms were not actually her own.

For a while Wen Qing had completely forgotten about the side effects from the empathy that had gone wrong. A random thought here or there, a random out of place emotion. These were the most common symptoms and most of the time they were so easily ignored that Wen Qing forgot about them minutes after they occurred. She had only had the one instance so far of being pulled into viewing one of Lan Xichen's memories. As for physical symptoms, how was she to know if her neck ached because she slept poorly or if it ached because Lan Xichen's did? It was not relevant enough to warrant sending a message to inquire.

The most noticeable instance had been the night Cloud Recesses was attacked. Panicked thoughts and powerful emotions had flooded Wen Qing. She had felt the sharp sting of every cut and the dull impact of what might have been a punch or might have been Lan Xichen falling or running into something. Wen Qing had done her best to keep herself calm, and been grateful the attack happened at night. She would not have been able to walk around and speak with people at the time.

After that things had been quiet and Wen Qing had let herself forget about this unique circumstance. Only after meticulously ruling out her other options did she remember that Lan Xichen said he was sick. He didn't list his symptoms. Which still bothered Wen Qing a little. Since they already knew that they could experience physical symptoms from one another, Wen Qing's situation suddenly made sense.

Which was simultaneously good news and bad news. Good, because Wen Qing knew why she was randomly becoming so groggy and fatigued that she didn't have the face to leave her room and be seen. Bad, because she was randomly becoming fatigued, nauseous, and otherwise ill with no means to actually treat her symptoms. She was not the one who was ill. Lan Xichen was ill, and Wen Qing was just randomly getting to experience his symptoms.

Wen Qing would have liked to use this to diagnose him, but she was limited. She was experiencing his symptoms, but she had no way to know if it was all of his symptoms. She was also pretty sure that some of what she was experiencing was from the side effects of treatment. Particularly the fatigue that made her body feel heavy and her thoughts muddled. She was almost one hundred percent sure that was a side effect of the medicine Lan Xichen was using as opposed to part of the illness itself.

Wen Qing hated it. There is nothing more infuriating than watching someone do poorly something that you know how to do well. Wen Qing was an excellent doctor, more than excellent. She was the most skilled doctor in the entirety of the QishanWen sect, and quite possibly the most skilled among any of the major sects. Wen Qing wouldn't claim that last one unless she needed someone to stop protesting her authority, but she suspected it was probably true.

Even though she wasn't physically present with Lan Xichen she was feeling many of his symptoms and feeling the effects of the medicine he was taking. The medicine was effective. Any local healer might have prescribed it, but it was needlessly heavy handed. The side effects were so powerful that even though the medicine took care of the symptoms it still left Wen Qing completely unable to function. It could only be affecting Lan Xichen more so.

Wen Qing did not like anything that altered her ability to think. This medicine made her head so muddled that she could only get through half a sentence before forgetting what she was trying to say. She hated it. No physical symptom felt as debilitating to her as taking away her ability to think clearly. As such, medicines with such impacts were on the bottom of her list of treatments. Wen Qing could think of a dozen medicines for Lan Xichen's symptoms that might have been plenty effective. At worst they would make Lan Xichen a little more tired, but they wouldn't create this pervasive fogginess.

The instances of experiencing Lan Xichen's symptoms had begun to persist for most of the day. Even worse was that she was also starting to experience thoughts that were not her own. Normally she would just ignore them and move on, but her mind no longer cooperated appropriately. Instead she was unwillingly focusing on these thoughts, and Wen Qing hated it.

The thoughts were almost all about Meng Yao. She was listening to thoughts of gratitude. Feeling Lan Xichen's growing admiration. She could feel the comfort Lan Xichen was taking from Meng Yao's presence. She could feel the strong waves of trust. The feelings were much like those Wen Qing had had regarding Wei Wuxian. Her admiration for Wei Wuxian's character. The moment it sunk in just how far he was willing to go for Wen Qing and the rest of their family. Except these thoughts and feelings were all about Meng Yao and for the first time in this long journey of intrusive thoughts and feelings... Wen Qing felt violated.

Wen Qing had her own memories of Meng Yao. Even his name could send chills down her spine. She had seen him do things to people. Things that should never be done. He didn't just follow instructions regarding torture. Meng Yao devised methods for torture. Meng Yao wrote out in exhaustive detail the methods he tried and the effects they had. Meng Yao studied to find new methods to maximize the victim's suffering. Meng Yao thought up these methods and tested them out with his own blood soaked hands. Not once did she seem him ruffled by these gruesome acts, and she had seen the other tortures grow green with nausea when assisting him.

Now Wen Qing was having thoughts in her head about how caring and considerate he was. She was feeling trust towards him. It was in such conflict with her own thoughts and feelings. She knew that, but with her muddled mind she couldn't separate herself from the invading emotions and cognitions. Wen Qing felt like her control over her own mind was being taken away from her.

Wen Qing couldn't risk leaving her room for long periods of time as these instances were becoming more frequent and longer in duration. She had to entrust Wen Qionglin with keeping an eye on Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. She felt like she was failing her didi by not being there. Wen Qionglin didn't have the authority Wen Qing had. If things went wrong Wen Qing had a chance of being able to directly protect Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. Wen Qionglin had little hope of being able to do something similar.

Wen Qing took a small amount of comfort in Wen Qionglin's updates. Wen Chao was uncreative, so most of indoctrination was forcing the disciples to stand and recite the Quintessence of the Wens. A few disciples had passed out from exhaustion or heatstroke. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were so far doing fine. That helped alleviate Wen Qing's foul mood, but the date of the nighthunt was coming closer. If these attacks of empathy symptoms did not improve she wouldn't be able to go along. Even if Wei Wuxian hadn't needed her help in their last timeline, she still wanted to be there. She wanted to at least see her didi before they would have to separate again.