Backlash Part 1

Chapter 59: The Jingshi

Lan Wangji rocked Wei Wuxian gently, trying to soothe him. Lan Wangji vividly recalled every detail Wei Wuxian had shared about the Lotus Pier Massacre. He was floored that Wei Wuxian had turned that nightmare into three sentences. Yet saying those three sentences in mixed company seemed to cost Wei Wuxian greatly. Or perhaps it was the memories that came with mentioning the event at all. Wei Wuxian's eyes had glazed over. He had just started hyperventilating when Lan Wangji responded automatically to his distress.

"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji called Wei Wuxian softly. Lan Wangji held Wei Wuxian in his embrace. He gently ran his fingers through Wei Wuxian's hair and began to hum softly in Wei Wuxian's ear. Wei Wuxian's chaotic breathing stagnated for a moment. As Lan Wangji continued his ministrations, Wei Wuxian began to slowly relax. Wei Wuxian gripped Lan Wangji's robes and buried his face in Lan Wangji's neck. Lan Wangji gently rubbed circles on Wei Wuxian's back with one hand while the other continued gently stroking his hair. He felt dampness against his neck and knew that Wei Wuxian was crying.

"Wei Ying. Take your time. I'm here." Lan Wangji whispered quietly. Wei Wuxian nodded without lifting his head. Lan Wangji could feel the movement against his neck and shoulder. Lan Xichen's eyes were filled with concern. Lan Wangji wasn't sure if it was about what he had been told, or it was about how Wei Wuxian was now responding.

"A-Ying... He needs to know what happened afterwards as well. If you want I can tell him separately." Wen Qing offered gently. Lan Wangji felt Wei Wuxian stiffen in his arms. For the first time Lan Wangji found himself resisting the urge to glare at Wen Qing. She had to know how difficult it was for Wei Wuxian to talk about those events. Lan Wangji still remembered Wei Wuxian's screams when he dreamed of them.

"Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian whispered so quietly that Lan Wangji almost couldn't hear him. "I..." Wei Wuxian hesitated, seeming to struggle with what to say.

"Wei Ying does not have to talk." Lan Wangji said in a quiet firm voice. Wei Wuxian was quiet for a long time. Lan Wangji waited for him patiently.

"I think I do have to talk about it, Lan Zhan... It... I can't save everyone on my own. I tried and I failed so miserably. I don't mind taking the blame on my own, but... but if everyone knows we're engaged then that would bring all that on you as well. I don't expect to be accepted for demonic cultivation, but I don't want Xichen-ge to think less of you for staying by me." Wei Wuxian whispered. Lan Wangji placed a gentle kiss in Wei Wuxian's hair.

"My Wei Ying is righteous and brave. I am proud." Lan Wangji said quietly. 'No one has your courage, your strength of character. The me of your future failed you. I won't repeat his mistakes. You will not be alone when you try to help others. Even if everyone condemns you I will stay with you. I will learn to be brave like you.' Lan Wangji wished he was better at getting his words out. He only hoped his intentions were clear through the words he did manage to say.

"Lan Zhan... Can a demonic cultivator even be righteous?" Wei Wuxian asked quietly. Lan Wangji placed a light kiss on the top of his head.

"Wei Ying is." Lan Wangji whispered softly. Wei Ying pulled back enough to stare at Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji gazed at Wei Wuxian with a soft look in his eyes. He gently wiped the tears from Wei Wuxian's face. Wei Wuxian settled himself in Lan Wangji's arms and took a deep breath.

"What they did to Lotus Pier was one of the most brutal attacks before war was declared. They said they came to punish me and to turn Lotus Pier into a supervisory office of the QishanWen sect. Madam Yu refused to comply with the order to turn Lotus Pier into a supervisory office. Then the army they had waiting nearby attacked." Wei Wuxian said quietly. Wei Wuxian hesitated then. How much should he say? He had to say he lost his golden core. He had to be able to explain why he turned to demonic cultivation. Not for his sake, but for Lan Wangji's. If Lan Wangji was going to support him, even if he practised demonic cultivation, then he needed to be able to at least give Lan Xichen a reason why.