Backlash Part 1

Chapter 17: The Infirmary

Lan Wangji again gazed down at the figure curled in his lap. Wei Wuxian had somehow managed to nuzzle his way part way underneath Lan Wangji's outermost layer. Wei Wuxian's face and hands were tucked away out of sight beneath the fabric, like he was trying to protect them from the cold. Lan Wangji's view was filled with Wei Wuxian's dark tangled hair. He brought one of his hands up to begin gently detangling it with his fingers. He loved the feel of Wei Wuxian's soft hair against his fingers. As Lan Wangji repeated the soothing motion he could feel Wei Wuxian press himself closer to the touch. A contented murmur coming from where Wei Wuxian's face was still hidden beneath Lan Wangji's outer layer.

'Wei Ying. Do you always choose to suffer for everyone else? Why? Why can you not take care of yourself as well?' Lan Wangji felt his heart ache. All he wanted was to protect Wei Wuxian. Hide him somewhere where no one could hurt him. Lan Wangji reflexively tightened his hold on Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian either didn't mind or was too distracted by the feel of Lan Wangji stroking his hair to care.

Lan Wangji looked back up at Wen Qing. She knew a lot about Wei Wuxian. She worried about him a lot as well. She had sought to speak with Lan Wangji while Wei Wuxian was asleep. Perhaps fearing how Wei Wuxian would react. Lan Wangji lightly bit the inside of his lip. There were things he was worried about. Worries that he did not want to address to Wei Wuxian. Too afraid that they would be taken as doubts or suspicions. Lan Wangji looked carefully at Wen Qing. Perhaps he could ask her. Maybe he could find the answers his anxious heart needed, without hurting Wei Wuxian.

"The demonic cultivation." Lan Wangji's voice suddenly grabbed Wen Qing's attention. Lan Wangji felt like just starting the conversation had taken a tremendous effort. Wen Qing had already given them one lecture when they questioned the resentful energy. The lecture had left Lan Wangji feeling cold and wounded. The thought that poorly chosen words could be all it would take for Wei Wuxian to seek his own death. The thought that Wei Wuxian might die. Lan Wangji felt his heart begin to race. It became a struggle to keep his breathing regular.

Wen Qing examined Lan Wangji's expression carefully. He had certainly been more expressive in these last two days, but that did not mean it was easy to tell what he was feeling. His face was mostly blank at the moment, but she could see a trace of emotions in his eyes. A slightly more laboured sound to his breaths. She waited for Lan Wangji to continue. The silence stretched for a while and she began to wonder if perhaps the slightly laboured breathing was perhaps the sign of more significant anxiety than she initially surmised. He was often not very expressive. If he started having a panic attack it wasn't impossible that it might be difficult to notice.

"Does it hurt Wei Ying?" Finally he continued what he wanted to say. Wen Qing looked at Lan Wangji closely. She was pretty sure he was anxious, but this line of inquiry was often dicey at best. She had heard of the many times Wei Wuxian was lectured about demonic cultivation. Not to mention it became almost everyone's focus after the war. It seemed once the war ended all anyone cared about when it came to Wei Wuxian was the fact that he was a demonic cultivator. To say it was a sore subject was most certainly an understatement.

"You don't want to ask A-Ying?" Wen Qing inquired carefully. She wanted to make sure she understood why he was asking. She thought she knew the answer, but she needed to make sure. GusuLan sect had some pretty strong opinions about demonic cultivation from what Wen Qing knew. She could not allow her negligence to bring Wei Wuxian any more pain.

"Wei Ying, may misunderstand." Lan Wangji said carefully. Wen Qing tilted her head slightly. Most people would experience being misunderstood in their lives. For someone who used very few words. Wen Qing could only assume it was even more common.

"Then tell me why you are asking this question." Wen Qing said evenly. Lan Wangji's gaze shifted down when he heard Wen Qing's response. Wen Qing was aware that she was being a little unfair. She could guess that Lan Wangji was concerned about Wei Wuxian's well being. She still wanted him to say the reason out loud. Firstly because she needed to protect Wei Wuxian. His heart was much more fragile than his body, and she did not want to see it break anymore. Second, if Lan Wangji was going to be with her didi, then he needed to learn to be comfortable expressing his feelings. She didn't want her didi to have to guess. Especially when his first guesses were usually self deprecating. So she would be a little mean to her future brother-in-law.