Backlash Part 1

Chapter 29: The Jingshi

Yu Ziyuan was furious. Sitting at a stone table was Wei Wuxian. Sitting in a lovely courtyard playing a game. A boy in Wen robes was playing with him. Yu Ziyuan let her gaze pass over the boy briefly before it landed on Wei Wuxian. A brief flash of fear in his eyes before he said something in a low voice to the other boy. She didn't hear what he said, but the boy eventually got to his feet and left. She could see him tremble slightly as he passed her.

'Good. Know your place Wen scum.' Yu Ziyuan thought as she turned her full attention back to Wei Wuxian. The boy was already standing and bowing to her. She stepped forward into the courtyard as rage radiated off of her.

"Kneel." She commanded.

Wei Wuxian immediately dropped to his knees on her order. So many emotions were waging war inside of him that he felt like he might be torn apart.

"You ungrateful brat." Madam Yu's words were spoken quietly, but each one dripped with venom. "You know I asked them to take me to my son, and that idiot disciple brought me to you." Wei Wuxian's blood ran cold.

'I'm sorry. I know I'm not your son. Not your family.' Wei Wuxian replied in his head. He could hear the crackling of Zidian responding to her rage.

"They brought me to you. The son of a servant. The cultivation world thinks of you like you are a part of our family. You greedily steal my husband's attention from Jiang Cheng, just like your mother. You act like you are better than Jiang Cheng. So much that even outsiders forget where you belong." Madam Yu's voice carried deep offense and resentment.

"Did you forget what you are?!" she demanded. Wei Wuxian flinched like he had been struck.

"No Madam Yu." Wei Wuxian replied in a quiet voice.

"Oh? The rest of the world seems to think you are my husband's son. That you are equal to Jiang Cheng. They don't remember what you are. Remind me. What are you?!" She demanded.

"I am the son of a servant." Wei Wuxian replied automatically. It had been years, but the responses still came automatically. It was all deeply familiar. The way his eyes and face became blank and vague. He fell into it immediately in the face of her rage, like his soul remembered how he should respond. With the expression that angered her the least he gave her the answers that seemed to be imprinted in his bones.

"Yes. You are the son of a servant. You will be Jiang Cheng's subordinate. So why do you insist on acting as though you are equals. Why do you insist on pretending you are better than him. As his subordinate you should be supporting him, yet you thwart him at every turn." Wei Wuxian felt his heart sink.

'I really did, didn't I? I always brought him more trouble. Always stole the spotlight. Madam Yu has always been right. In the end I took everything from him.'

"Bad enough that you distract him at Lotus Pier, but now even here you couldn't let him study in peace? You again needed to sabotage him?" Her rage made him feel small. Every shout made all those horrible thoughts in his head so much louder.

"Why does my son have to suffer for you? Why do you insist on hurting him?" Her questions felt like blades slicing into his body.

'I hurt Jiang Cheng so much. I don't want to. I don't want to hurt him.' Wei Wuxian pleaded silently.

"You take every opportunity to hold him back while you steal every chance of recognition. From the moment you wormed your way into our home you've destroyed everything you touch. Everyday my husband sees you he is reminded of the love he lost. He gives his affection to a ghost he sees when he looks at you. Affection you steal from my son. Was everything else not enough for you? Did you have to steal my son's father from him?" The words clawed their way through Wei Wuxian's body and he felt tears filling his eyes. He tried desperately to hold them back. He didn't deserve to cry. He was everything she had ever said he was.

'Long before I took Jiang Cheng's parents from him I had already ruined his family. His parents fought because of me. Jiang Cheng had to see his father praise me, while such words were never shown to him.' Wei Wuxian should have realized it long before the Massacre of Lotus Pier. He was destroying the lives of the family he claimed to love. He should have left a long time ago. He was clearly not qualified to protect anyone, and the damage he was doing was far worse.

'The damage I do by existing.' Wei Wuxian's mind supplied, and with his crimes so fresh in his thoughts he did not have the will to disagree.

"Of course you don't care about the damage you cause. You make trouble at every turn and bring my family endless suffering. One day you'll bring us a true disaster beyond what we can recover from. We'll be fortunate if Lotus Pier is still standing." Her words were cutting so deeply that he vaguely wondered whether Zidian would hurt less.

'It was destroyed. Lotus Pier was destroyed. After I brought them disaster it really destroyed everything.'

"You never have a thought about remorse or consideration for the people who saved you from the streets. If you did, you wouldn't bring us trouble at every opportunity." Wei Wuxian felt a deep abyss inside of him. Darker than the Burial Mounds, devoid of life, devoid of anyone who could reach him. Every word seemed to be a sharp tether. It bit into his soul and pulled him inch by excruciating inch into that abyss.

'Everything she says is true. I deserve these words. I deserve her hate. How did I ever think I could make up for the harm I caused? Have I ever been able to protect anyone? Don't they all suffer in the end because of me?'

"Fengmian should have left you where he found you. On the streets like the garbage that you are." Those words seemed like they were spoken from far away. Wei Wuxian felt oddly numb and distant. Madam Yu was still yelling at him. Still reminding him of the damage he caused. Reminding him of where he truly belonged. It was happening to him, but he almost felt like he wasn't really there. It took him a long time to realize that Madam Yu had suddenly stopped shouting. There was a stern male voice speaking to her in a disapproving tone.

"... ...Jiang Wanyin is currently kneeling in punishment." Lan Qiren's words were not all making it to his mind. He was certain he could hear them all, but he knew the amount he was interpreting were less than the ones being spoken.

"What do you mean he fought with Jin Zixuan?! He wouldn't dare. Jin Zixuan is my daughter's future husband." Madam Yu's words stung somewhere deep in Wei Wuxian.

'Jiang Cheng fought with Jin Zixuan? That's not right. It was supposed to be me who fought with Jin Zixuan, not Jiang Cheng.' A deep sense of failure somehow managed to grow larger inside of Wei Wuxian. Now he had added yet again to his list of offenses. He was not there when Jin Zixuan insulted Jiang Yanli. Since he was not there to defend her, Jiang Wanyin stepped in instead. Madam Yu would be so angry with him. Wei Wuxian wished to go back in time again. Protect Jiang Wanyin from getting in that fight. Protect Jiang Wanyin from Madam Yu's anger. Now it was too late. Wei Wuxian did not understand how he had come back the first time, let alone been convinced he could do it a second time.

"Wei Wuxian." Madam Yu spat the name like it was a curse. "What did you do?! Did you instigate them to fight?! Must you ruin my daughter's marriage too?!" Wei Wuxian vaguely felt like she was coming closer to him, but it was like he was experiencing the world underwater. Everything was vague and muffled, oddly separate from him.

"Wei Wuxian had nothing to do with their fight. Please follow me and we can discuss this in more detail." Lan Qiren's distant voice sounded firm, maybe even a bit frustrated.

'Who is he frustrated with? It can't be with Madam Yu can it? It should be directed at me, but he just said I had nothing to do with it?' Wei Wuxian's sluggish mind back tracked through the words again. 'Didn't I have something to do with it? It was supposed to be me who got in that fight. He did just say I had nothing to do with it? That can't be right can it?' Wei Wuxian felt oddly perplexed as Madam Yu finally left the courtyard under the directions of Lan Qiren.

"Wei-xiong?"

Wei Wuxian wasn't sure how long had passed from when Madam Yu departed before he heard the vaguely familiar voice.

'I know this person. Who are they again?' Wei Wuxian's mind was moving slowly, barely hanging on to what was being said to him, let alone what else was happening around him.

"Wei-xiong. Is there something I can do? Something that would help?" Nie Huaisang asked nervously.

'Nei-xiong.' Wei Wuxian's mind finally supplied who was speaking to him. 'At least it is someone I haven't hurt.'