Wei Wuxian wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it. He felt like skum, selfish, inconsiderate, rude, all these words and more described the feelings swirling inside of him. He was pacing in Lan Wangji's guest room once more. Wei Wuxian wasn't sure if he had fled the conversation with Jiang Wanyin or if Lan Wangji had dragged him away. In either case it was probably the right thing to do, but the urge to run back and try to undo the entire conversation was powerful. Wei Wuxian hadn't tried to go for the door yet, but the thought had crossed his mind more than once.
He felt like a horrible person, but Wei Wuxian also knew that he had made the decision to stand up to Jiang Wanyin for a reason. It was just hard to remember when everything inside of him wanted to run back, beg forgiveness, and let Jiang Wanyin yell at him until his Shidi felt better. A hand suddenly gripped Wei Wuxian's arm and stopped his pacing.
"Wei Ying did the right thing." Lan Wangji's voice was full of certainty. It was absolute, but strangely gentle.
"I feel awful." Wei Wuxian said quietly. "It was easier to defect. At least then I was doing it to protect Jiejie and the rest. I even felt like I was sort of doing it for Jiang Cheng as well." Wei Wuxian said somewhat desperately. "He wouldn't have to be associated with me anymore. He wouldn't have to be compared to me anymore. I could protect the people I needed to without hurting him."
"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji's tone was slightly firmer. A sharp command seemed to be laced into the address that interrupted Wei Wuxian's spiralling thoughts. Wei Wuxian stared at Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian knew his eyes were a bit wide, but he seemed unable to fight this panic. Put him on a battlefield or a night hunt and Wei Wuxian would be calm and in control. Denying any member of his adoptive family, on the other hand. How could he not panic?
"Wei Ying deserves respect. Wei Ying deserves to take care of himself. Wei Ying needs to take care of himself." Lan Wangji said slowly, watching Wei Wuxian's eyes closely.
Wei Wuxian could not have looked away if he wanted to, not that he ever wanted to. Lan Wangji's pale gold eyes were intense, drowning Wei Wuxian in affection and concern. Wei Wuxian opened his mouth like he might protest, but a flash in those golden eyes stole Wei Wuxian's breath and any words along with it.
"Wei Ying. I need you. Don't kill yourself for the sake of everyone else. Don't leave me." Lan Wangji's voice grew very quiet, but the words seemed to reverberate through Wei Wuxian's soul. He embraced Lan Wangji immediately, unable to bear the look in the Second Jade's eyes.
"I won't leave. I'm trying. I-I'm not used to it." Wei Wuxian whispered into Lan Wangji's ear.
"I am proud. Wei Ying did well today." Lan Wangji whispered quietly. Those words slithered down Wei Wuxian's spine and filled his stomach with butterflies. A genuine smile spread across his face.
Lan Wangji made sure Wei Wuxian was busy for the rest of the day. Wei Wuxian needed the distraction to help him stay firm. This included scaring away any curious disciples so that Wei Wuxian could drag Jiang Yanli to a secluded area to train. Wei Wuxian spent almost three hours training Jiang Yanli. Today he even sparred with her. He allowed her to use Suibian while he used Lan Wangji's Bichen.
Wei Wuxian felt it would be fair since then neither of them would be using their own spiritual sword. Jiang Yanli didn't have one. Additionally Wei Wuxian didn't expect Lan Wangji would be too keen on having Jiang Yanli touching Bichen. A cultivator's spiritual sword was more than just a sword. It was not simply a well balanced metal blade. These swords bonded with their masters, grew with them, and respected them.
A spiritual sword would not allow just anyone to wield them. Particularly loyal swords with enough power could even seal themselves, preventing anyone else from drawing them from their sheaths. Suibian would permit Jiang Yanli to use it, because Wei Wuxian asked. Wei Wuxian honestly hadn't been sure if Bichen would be amicable to allowing anyone besides Lan Wangji to wield it. Lan Wangji however seemed to have no doubts when he handed the blade to Wei Wuxian.
Using Bichen was definitely more difficult than using Suibian. Not only because Suibian was actually Wei Wuxian's sword. Suibian was a sword designed for speed and Wei Wuxian's style of fighting matched it perfectly. Lan Wangji was always moving quite quickly when they sparred, but Wei Wuxian was already aware that Lan Wangji's arm strength was no joke. This confirmed it when Wei Wuxian felt the increased weight of the strong spiritual sword in his hands.
Wei Wuxian sparred until he and Jiang Yanli were both sweating and exhausted. Jiang Yanli cleaned herself up then excused herself to go change. Wei Wuxian whined playfully about being too tired to walk. So Lan Wangji carried a giggling Wei Wuxian back to the guest room. The Yunmeng Jiang disciples were pretty well used to this sort of sight by now. If anyone noticed they didn't say anything.
Lan Wangji spent the rest of the afternoon playing his guqin to help Wei Wuxian sleep. This would be one of the rare occasions when they would take advantage of Wei Wuxian's natural tendency to state up obscenely late. They needed to in order to work on the barrier. That did not mean Lan Wangji was willing to compromise on Wei Wuxian's rest. So he played music that helped with calming the mind and reducing tension while Wei Wuxian napped.
After dinner Lan Wangji began to pack their things in preparation for the trip to Qishan. They would be departing just after breakfast and having things mostly packed would allow Lan Wangji to let Wei Wuxian sleep as much as possible. Wei Wuxian dived back into one of his projects. Lan Wangji thought Wei Wuxian had already finished his gifts for Wen Qing and Wen Qionglin. Yet Lan Wangji recognized the materials Wei Wuxian was handling. Perhaps he had decided to make one for Jiang Yanli? That made sense so Lan Wangji finished what he was doing and then began meditating.
Lan Wangji came out of his meditation. This was the third time he had taken a break to check how late it was. While Wei Wuxian should have in theory been more aware of the passing hour than Lan Wangji, Lan Wangji had known he would need to be the one to notice when it was time. It was better to rouse himself from his meditation now and then. Wei Wuxian was focused on whatever he was working on, which meant Wei Wuxian would not be the one to notice what hour of night it was.
"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji called as he tapped Wei Wuxian's shoulder.
"Just a second." Wei Wuxian responded absently. Lan Wangji sighed. That response meant absolutely nothing. Something Lan Wangji was well aware of, having listened to it in the past to find hours later this supposed 'second' had not passed.
Lan Wangji turned Wei Wuxian's face towards him and began to kiss his betrothed. He focused first on just the bottom lip. Then traced the mouth with his tongue. Then nipped lightly on that bottom lip causing Wei Wuxian to gasp. Lan Wangji took the opportunity and deepened the kiss. His tongue swept Wei Wuxian's mouth as though he were exploring it for the first time. His tongue slid against Wei Wuxian's and lightly glided across Wei Wuxian's soft palate.
Wei Wuxian was moaning as he desperately gripped Lan Wangji's robes. The items in his hands having fallen away. Lan Wangji pulled back, earning a soft whine of protest from Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji had to steady himself to not go back in for another kiss. They had work to do. They needed to improve this barrier and tonight was their best chance. If they didn't do it now Wei Wuxian would feel compelled to return after the conference in Qishan. Lan Wangji did not want that to happen.
"Wei Ying. The barrier." Lan Wangji said softly when he saw Wei Wuxian's slightly dazed expression.
"I... You..." Wei Wuxian sputtered, unable to put his words in order. Lan Wangji loved it. He loved that he could make Wei Wuxian come undone with a kiss. Distract him from what he was doing. Steal his ability to form sentences. It filled Lan Wangji with a deep satisfaction.
"You're enjoying this." Wei Wuxian pouted, reclaiming his ability to speak. A small satisfied smirk tugged at Lan Wangji's lips.
"Mn." Lan Wangji acknowledged.
"Lan Zhan~!" Wei Wuxian whined, kicking his feet lightly.
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Backlash Part 1
FanfictionAt the moment of his death, Wei Wuxian is sent back in time. He wakes up in the Cold Spring of Cloud Recesses during the time when he was there to study. Traumatized and exhausted Wei Wuxian attempts to end his life, only to be stopped by Lan Wang...
