Backlash Part 1

Chapter 1: The Cold Spring

Wei Wuxian felt cold. Why was he cold? There was a stinging sensation on his back. In the past he might have said it hurt. That word didn't feel right anymore though. After what he had just felt, Wei Wuxian wasn't sure the stinging of his back counted as pain anymore. There was a sound of water. He was falling. He didn't care. He was dead anyway wasn't he? Sudden warmth on his arms startled him. Hands pulled him from the water and his eyes opened in shock.

"Wei Ying." He heard a voice call his name full of concern.

'Lan Zhan? Don't sound so scared.' Everything seemed so bright that he couldn't really make out anything in detail. It was all blurry shapes and shades of light. He felt himself lifted in strong arms. Held close to a warm chest.

'So warm.' The warmth carried him somewhere and he felt damp grass against his skin as he was set down. His eyes focused and he saw Lan Wangji hovering over him. Wei Wuxian saw himself reflected in the pale amber eyes and he froze.

'I'm supposed to be dead. How can I be alive? How can the face reflected back at me be the me of years ago?'

"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji spoke again. It felt like Lan Wangji was asking if he was okay. He forced himself to his feet. His legs trembled slightly and a hand caught his arm to steady him. Was Lan Wangji always so warm? Wei Wuxian steadied himself and hastily went to grab for his belongings. He needed to be away. He needed to be alone. He was supposed to be dead, but it seemed like maybe he wasn't.

"Wei Ying." This time Wei Wuxian couldn't ignore the insistent question and worry in those two words. How could Lan Wangji say so much with so few words?

"Thanks for your help. I'll get out of your way." Wei Wuxian was deeply impressed with how steady his voice came out. Not giving Lan Wangji a chance to reply he scooped up his belongings and fled. Once out of sight Wei Wuxian broke into a sprint. He ran deeper into the back hills of Cloud Recesses, further from buildings filled with students and clan members. He ran so fast and so recklessly that he tripped over the root of a tree. He winced slightly at the sharp stings from where he now had new scrapes. Wei Wuxian was stunned, but his situation was slowly sinking in.

'I'm actually alive. I'm in the past.' Wei Wuxian sat there dumbly. The face he saw reflected in Lan Wangji's eyes had been alive and healthy. Wei Wuxian hadn't really looked like that since the massacre of Lotus Pier. Further Lan Wangji looked younger, like when they first met. They had been in the cold pond. So this should be when he studied at Cloud Recesses, just after he had gotten the two of them punished and Lan Xichen told him about the Cold Spring's healing properties.

That meant everyone was still alive; his Shijie and Jiang Cheng. All of the people he had hurt. All the people who died because of him. They were still here. His hand fell slowly down to his solar plexus. He felt his golden core spinning and thrumming with energy. This feeling. The warmth and energy. With shaking hands he lifted his sword. He hesitated before he unsheathed Subian. The bright glare greeted him as he drew his sword. The tears he had been trying to hold back fell freely down his face.

'It's been so long. I'm sorry Subian. I couldn't wield you anymore.' He swallowed once as he stared at the blade. Right now everyone was alive. Everyone who suffered because of him. Everyone who died.

'This is a blessing. I can die now. I can die before I hurt them.' Slowly Wei Wuxian got to his feet. He took a steadying breath and lifted his sword to his throat. He barely felt the slight sting of the cold blade biting into his skin. Suddenly a force tore Subian from his grip and sent it flying back into a tree. He saw a blue glare streak past him as Bichen returned to its owner. Wei Wuxian followed Bichen with his eyes and his gaze crashed into Lan Wangji. Those golden eyes burned. There seemed to be so many emotions in Lan Wangji's eyes that Wei Wuxian couldn't sort out one from another.

"Do you want to do it yourself? That's fine. I don't mind dying by your hands. After everything I put you through, you certainly have the right." Wei Wuxian kept his tone casual and relaxed.

"Wei Ying. What is wrong?" Lan Wangji asked at last. Wei Wuxian frowned.

"Fine." Wei Wuxian said under his breath. He summoned Subian back to his hands and launched an attack. He should have known Lan Wangji was too righteous to just kill him outright. Their sword glares flashed brilliantly as they fought. After a dozen exchanges Wei Wuxian frowned. Lan Wangji wasn't taking the offensive. Lan Wangji was doing nothing but defending against his attacks. He needed Lan Wangji to get angry so he would finally go on the offensive. Wei Wuxian's mind immediately supplied the answer. Wei Wuxian focused on closer combat dancing around Lan Wangji not unlike their first fight on the rooftop. His hand reached out and swiftly tugged before dancing back with his prize in hand. Lan Wangji's eyes widened before the fire in them intensified with rage. Lan Wangji immediately charged forward.

"Give it back." Each word was forced out through clenched teeth. Wei Wuxian smiled.

"Make me." He finally coaxed Lan Wangji into taking the offensive. Wei Wuxian defended just enough to increase Lan Wangji's frustration. He needed Lan Wangji to get lost in the fight so that the first strike would finish the job before Lan Wangji had the chance to think about it. Wei Wuxian's back collided with the ground as Subian flew from his hands. He felt the tip of a sword pressed against his chest, but it didn't pierce him.

"Finish it!" Wei Wuxian shouted into Lan Wangji's face. Suddenly all the heat vanished from Lan Wangji's eyes. His anger disappeared like a doused flame. The sword disappeared from Wei Wuxian's chest, and before he could do anything else he was embraced by strong arms. Wei Wuxian began to struggle in the embrace. He tried to strike Lan Wangji, but the arms around him were as strong as iron. Wei Wuxian couldn't free his arms enough to strike with any meaningful force.

"What are you doing! Kill me!" Wei Wuxian screamed. With no response Wei Wuxian continued to shout. Over and over he screamed for Lan Wangji to kill him. A soft gasp escaped Wei Wuxian's throat as his voice cracked.

"Lan Zhan. Please. Kill me." Wei Wuxian's voice sounded small and fragile.

"No." The arms around Wei Wuxian tightened and the first strangled sob escaped from his throat. Wei Wuxian stopped resisting. He collapsed into Lan Wangji's embrace and cried. His body shook with the force of his sobs as his tears soaked into Lan Wangji's clothes. Wei Wuxian buried his face in Lan Wangji's shoulder, the fabric muffling his heart wrenching screams. He screamed until his voice gave out. His sharp gasps punctuated his sobs. Distantly he heard a soft low voice mumbling gently beside his ear. He felt the gentle tug of fingers in his air. The tips scraped lightly against his scalp then gently pulled through the lengths. Every time the motion repeated it sent a slight shiver down his spine that spread through him like a soothing balm. He took a deep trembling breath and let it out in a shaky sigh. It seemed to empty him as he melted into Lan Wangji's arms, completely exhausted.

Wei Wuxian turned his head slightly, burying his face in Lan Wangji's neck. The smell of sandalwood flooded his senses with every breath. Lan Wangji's fingers continued their rhythmic movements through his hair. He felt so tired.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't... I can't..." The words were spoken in a desperate broken whisper. A small sob shook Wei Wuxian's form as he took a deep gulp of air. It felt like it burned his lungs on the way down.

"I'm so tired. Why can't it be over? Why can't I rest?" Wei Wuxian begged in a hoarse whisper. Lan Wangji's fingers continued their repetitive journey through Wei Wuxian's hair.

"I'm here." Lan Wangji spoke quietly against Wei Wuxian's hair.

"I'm here. Wei Ying can sleep." The low magnetic voice seemed to trace down Wei Wuxian's spine. He was so tired. Exhaustion was clawing at him. His thoughts seemed fuzzy and out of focus.

"Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian spoke in a painfully hoarse voice. "Why?" Wei Wuxian's question slid out in a breathy whisper as the darkness swallowed him.