Backlash Part 1

Chapter 3: The Infirmary

Lan Wangji had long forgotten how to express his emotions the way other people seemed to. If he had ever known how to do it in the first place. Lan Wangji couldn't remember a time when he had been as expressive as those around him. Perhaps that was why people were often frightened of him? Perhaps it was because they saw him as unfeeling and indifferent. Cold was the word he heard them use. They described him as cold when they spoke about him in hushed voices. Sometimes the gazes would be filled with awe and admiration. Sometimes they were anxious and frightened. Lan Wangji had long since learned to try and ignore them. No matter what they said he never felt good about it.

One person knew better. Lan Xichen was often the only one who could somewhat interpret what was going on in Lan Wangji's head. It was something Lan Xichen had devoted much time and energy to, especially since the death of their mother. After their mother died it did something to Lan Wangji. His already quiet and shy didi became completely withdrawn. Lan Xichen vividly remembered the scolding and punishments Lan Wangji received when he refused to stop kneeling outside their mother's residence. He had sometimes wondered over the years if there was something he could have done to shield his brother more. He wondered if it was their mother's death, or the subsequent scoldings of their uncle that led to Lan Wangji's increased silence.

Lan Xichen had tried to encourage Lan Wangji to speak, make friends, and have fun. Yet he had never had much success. No matter how Lan Xichen tried to encourage him, none of it seemed to interest Lan Wangji anymore. He spent all his time and energy on his cultivation. If he was not training with his sword, then he was practicing his guqin or studying. He only left Cloud Recesses for official business, and allowed no delays when returning. Lan Wangji's feelings seemed to all be hidden deep inside, only peeking out from his amber eyes. The healer likely thought Lan Wangji looked the same as always. However, Lan Xichen had worked hard to read Lan Wangji's minute expressions. Looking at his face now, Lan Xichen saw anxiety and concern the likes of which Lan Xichen had not seen on his face since they were both young.

"Wangji, what has happened?" Lan Xichen asked with deep concern. He held back the urge to place a hand on Lan Wangji's shoulder. His didi had stopped accepting comfort from touch years ago. While Lan Xichen knew Lan Wangji would tolerate it from close family, it wouldn't have the effect that Lan Xichen wanted.

"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji started to speak, but the words seemed to be stuck in his throat. Lan Xichen felt a small stab of panic deep in his guts. Wei Wuxian was the only person who had been able to bring Lan Wangji out of his isolation. Lan Xichen had been overjoyed to see the effect the energetic boy had on his didi. It was not out of the question that something might have happened to Wei Wuxian. He was occasionally a bit reckless from what Lan Xichen could tell. Though the examples that came to mind were usually for the benefit of others.

"Has something happened to Wei-gongzi?" Lan Xichen asked in concern. He hoped it wasn't anything too serious. He would hate to see anything bad happen to someone who was so friendly and good natured. Even more concerning, Lan Wangji had only just started opening up to Wei Wuxian. If something happened to him Lan Xichen was worried it would do irreparable harm to Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji was silent for a while. He was trying to put together what to say and how to say it. Lan Xichen waited patiently for him despite his own anxiety. He needed to let his didi take the time he needed. He knew Lan Wangji was not very talkative at the best of times. Seeing how distressed he was, Lan Xichen knew it could only be making things more difficult for him.

"Wei Ying. Tried to kill himself." Lan Xichen was stunned. His mind went completely blank for a few moments as he tried to comprehend the situation. It seemed to hurt Lan Wangji to say that sentence out loud. Lan Xichen's heart ached for his didi. He resisted the urge to comfort Lan Wangji and immediately his mind began running through his observations of Wei Wuxian. From the moment Wei Wuxian entered Cloud Recesses he had been bright, energetic, and smiling. Even though Wei Wuxian had been in pain from the punishment earlier today, it had seemed to barely dent his cheerful disposition.