Backlash Part 1

Chapter 34: The Jingshi

Lan Wangji followed behind Wen Qing. His steps grew faster with each passing second. Most people would probably not think anything of it, but Lan Xichen would know he was anxious. Wei Wuxian had not asked to be left alone with anyone since his suicide attempt. Not either of the Jiang siblings. Not Wen Qing.

'Why would Wei Ying ask to be alone with Madam Yu?'

Lan Wangji had been feeling uneasy ever since they left for the meeting. He assumed it was because of being away from Wei Wuxian. Since Wei Wuxian's suicide attempt, Lan Wangji had never left his side for more than fifteen minutes. Each of those times Wen Qing was always there with Wei Wuxian while he was gone. For some reason he found that he trusted her to take care of Wei Wuxian more than anyone else. Lan Wangji felt a bit guilty about that, but it still didn't change the feeling. It might have been because Wen Qing was the only person he had seen become outraged on Wei Wuxian's behalf. She became enraged at anyone who hurt Wei Wuxian whether they meant to or not. This was something Lan Wangji could relate to, and something he respected.

For this meeting both he and Wen Qing would need to be present.  Wen Qing as Wei Wuxian's doctor, Lan Wangji in order to answer questions Sect Leader Jiang may have. Wei Wuxian could of course be brought to the meeting. Lan Wangji and Wen Qing had discussed as much, but ultimately decided against it. Wen Qing suspected that much of the discussion might make Wei Wuxian uncomfortable. In addition he had been sleeping very poorly the last couple days. When he fell asleep after lunch, that was the tipping point. They would not wake him up when he was managing to get some sleep. Wen Qing had already stated she had some stronger medications to help him fall asleep. She was just holding off until after this meeting, because she felt some of the difficulty may be anxiety about said meeting.

This meant it would be the first time Wei Wuxian had been left without one of the two of them. Lan Wangji didn't like it. He didn't like being away from Wei Wuxian for short amounts of time, let alone large amounts, and he certainly did not like that Wen Qing would not be with him while he was gone. Instead Wen Qionglin would stay there to keep an eye on him. Lan Wangji wasn't sure how he felt about Wen Qionglin. On the one hand, Wen Qionglin was apparently like a didi to Wei Wuxian. Wen Qing even stated that Wen Qionglin was also able to wake Wei Wuxian up from his nightmares without being harmed.

These were good things. Reasons that Lan Wangji should probably be happy enough with, but he wasn't. Whenever Lan Wangji saw the two close together, playing games or chatting, he got this unpleasant feeling. It was a bit like anger and protectiveness, but not. Lan Wangji felt anger towards Jiang Wanyin for the distress he caused. He had the urge to keep him away from Wei Wuxian, because he did not want the other to hurt Wei Wuxian. That was not what this feeling regarding Wen Qionglin was.  Wen Qionglin had not hurt Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian's reaction the first time he met Wen Qionglin after the cold spring was a lot like the reaction he had to Wen Qing. There was pain and tears, but it was more like relief. Wei Wuxian clearly enjoyed the other's company. Lan Wangji did his best to keep his displeasure to himself. He didn't want to take away anything that was bringing Wei Wuxian happiness. Still he couldn't help but feel upset. He wanted to be the one being close and making Wei Wuxian happy. He did not want it to be Wen Qionglin.

This situation had of course meant everything about today's plan made Lan Wangi uncomfortable. Uncomfortable about being away from Wei Wuxian. Uncomfortable about Wen Qing not being with Wei Wuxian while he could not. Uncomfortable that Wei Wuxian would be spending time alone with Wen Qionglin. Lan Wangji was already anxious about the meeting going well. He did not want Wei Wuxian to leave Cloud Recesses right now, but if he did he wanted to go with him. The meeting would decide this, and would also decide on their betrothal. Lan Wangji had so many reasons to be uneasy already. Now he had another one.

'Let's be quick then. I don't recommend having only one person with him for long periods of time.' Wen Qing had never said such a thing before. It was not the sort of thing she would have withheld from him. Lan Wangji was rather confident about that. Then why was she saying it now? Lan Wangji was already eager to get back to Wei Wuxian, but Wen Qing's words and swift pace were making his existing uneasiness much worse. Was she worried about Wei Wuxian being with Madam Yu? Was Madam Yu not one of Wei Wuxian's guardians?

There was absolute silence as they approached. They could see the wall that surrounded the courtyard of the Jingshi. Wen Qing realized most of the group was lagging far behind her. She begrudgingly slowed her steps to close the gap and not appear overly anxious. Lan Wangji did not follow her lead. Lan Wangji practically barrelled past her in only a few swift steps. He reached the entrance to the courtyard first and froze.

'Wei Ying.' Lan Wangji felt like all the breath had been stolen from his lungs. Wei Wuxian was almost crumpled on the ground in front of him. He wasn't crying, but that almost made it worse. Wei Wuxian's eyes looked dead and empty. Wei Wuxian had not looked this broken since the day he attempted suicide. He had been hurting and struggling many times since then, but right now was much worse. There were no tears, cries, screams, instead there was emptiness. That warm fragile light that had flickered back to life in his eyes was gone. His eyes became two dark empty orbs.

Lan Wangji began moving forward. He wanted to run to Wei Wuxian and wrap him in his arms. Promise to never leave his side again, for even a minute. At the same time he was afraid. Wei Wuxian before him seemed to be made of the most fragile porcelain. Lan Wangji found himself terrified that the lightest of touch might shatter Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji had not been this frightened of losing him since the day of his suicide attempt. Lan Wangji hovered before Wei Wuxian, frozen by the fear that a single misstep might cause the wounded heart in front of him to break.

"He asked for you." Lan Wangji was startled by the quiet voice off to the side. He had not even realized Nie Huaisang was there. Lan Wangji barely moved his eyes to glance at the boy who just spoke. Almost as if he had frightened himself by speaking, Nie Huaisang flinched back with a squeak. Lan Wangji's attention fell completely on Wei Wuxian.

Damaged.

Broken.

'Mine.'

Lan Wangji's gaze was soft as he knelt in front of Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian's hands were tightly balled in the fabric of the robe wrapped around him. Despite the vague expression on Wei Wuxian's face, his knuckles were white with the force he was using to grip the blanket. Lan Wangji placed his hand over Wei Wuxian's.

"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji saw Wei Wuxian's eyes raise slightly from where they had been vacantly staring at the grass. His unfocused gaze travelled slowly from Lan Wangji's hand to his torso.

"L-Lan Zhan..." Wei Wuxian whispered.

"Mn. I'm here." Lan Wangji replied softly. Wei Wuxian's eyes finally made it to Lan Wangji's face. The previously vague expression and empty eyes became filled with anguish. The first tear slipped free and traced Wei Wuxian's cheek. Before a second tear could fall Lan Wangji dragged Wei Wuxian into his lap. His arms wrapped securely around Wei Wuxian's back. One arm coiled around Wei Wuxian's waist while the other hand cradled Wei Wuxian's head.

"Lan Zhan." This time it was louder. Filled with a desperate plea as Wei Wuxian flung his arms around Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian buried his face in Lan Wangji's neck as his tears began to flow freely. Lan Wangji could feel them soaking into his robes, but he hardly cared about this. All that mattered was that Wei Wuxian could release some of the horrible pain Lan Wangji had seen in his eyes.

"I'm here. Always here for Wei Ying." Lan Wangji whispered soothingly. He felt Wei Wuxian's arms tighten around him. Lan Wangji held Wei Wuxian while he cried almost soundlessly. He let Wei Wuxian break down in his arms as much as he needed to. As much as Lan Wangji's heart ached over seeing Wei Wuxian hurting like this, he was also filled with relief. When Wei Wuxian was in his arms he was certain that no matter what things would be okay.

'My Wei Ying. Wounded, beautiful, damaged, kind, broken, strong, and mine. I will hold you when you break, and keep holding you no matter how long it takes for you to heal. I will be with you for as long as you allow. I will love you forever.'