Backlash Part 1

Chapter 44: Empathy

On the same day every month Lan Wangji would kneel in front of their mother's residence. He arrived first thing in the morning and left just in time to enter his room at curfew. The next morning he would report to the ancestral hall to receive punishment. The scoldings became shorter, but the disappointment in Lan Qiren's voice deepened. Eventually when Lan Wangji reported to the ancestral hall Lan Qiren would simply voice the rules Lan Wangji had violated and immediately dismiss him to complete his punishment. The punishment was the same every time. Lan Wangji would spend the entire day copying the rules. He could not even leave for meal times. His meals would be delivered to the library.

Lan Xichen had learned after the first time to never try and talk his uncle out of the punishments again. Lan Xichen never wanted Lan Wangji to be scolded for making things more difficult for him. Lan Wangji's muted and withdrawn behaviour became worse over time. His previously shy and quiet didi didn't speak for three months straight. When he finally did start to talk again it was only one or two word answers. His tone of voice became flat, his face a neutral and serious expression. Lan Wangji removed himself from social situations. He did nothing but study and practice. He wouldn't talk with others. Wouldn't spend time with his peers. When they invited him to anything he would ignore them. One young disciple tried to pull him along anyway by grabbing his hand.

Lan Wangji ripped his hand out of their grip and gave the disciple such a glare that some of the other children started crying. No one tried to invite him to anything after that. That was when the other disciples began to be afraid of him. Watching this made Wen Qing's heart hurt. Not only with the horrible painful feelings she was experiencing from Lan Xichen. Wen Qing had not met a Lan Wangji who was shy and quiet, but still wanted to spend time with others. By the time she had met him he had long since been the cold and distant Lan Wangji that everyone avoided.

She had seen a Lan Wangji who had started to thaw. A Lan Wangji that had begun expressing in a way that apparently he had not done since before his mother died when he was six years old. What must it have been like for Lan Xichen to watch his didi shut down like this? Wen Qing knew what it was like to see Wei Wuxian try to push everyone away. It was painful. More than once she had physically dragged him out of his bed and forced him to sit outside with the rest of their family. He didn't have to talk. He didn't have to do anything. She just forced him to be present.

More than once those days ended with Wei Wuxian sobbing into Wen Qing's lap, or into Granny's. Once Wen Qing could get him outside there was always someone who would engage with him in some way. They were a family. If he wasn't playing with Wen Yuan or sitting with granny, then he was discussing wine making with Uncle four or being taught how to weave baskets by one of their Auntie's. They were all starving and suffering, but they never let anyone in their family suffer alone.

How much would it have hurt if she hadn't been able to get Wei Wuxian to at least engage with them? If he had refused to even really be present with them and secluded himself in his own mind as much as he tried to seclude himself in his cave? Wen Qing felt tears escape from her eyes and slide down her cheeks. She dried them gently with her sleeve as she watched a young Lan Xichen despair over failing his didi. Wen Qing had a burning desire to pat the young Lan Xichen's head and soothe him. She knew of course that was impossible. She was in empathy, at least in some form. That would mean she can't interact with any of the memories she is witnessing.

Lan Xichen hated what was happening. It felt like his didi had gone into seclusion like their father. Lan Wangji was technically still present, but at the same time he was far away. He didn't play, he didn't speak, he didn't smile, he didn't cry. He attended class and training with everyone else, but it seemed like he was far away. It was like there were walls around him that everyone could sense. No one approached those walls. Everyone stayed away from Lan Wangji and Lan Wangji stayed away from them.