Backlash Part 1

Chapter 75: Take Flight

As soon as they stepped out of Cloud Recesses Wei Wuxian began to shake. Lan Wangji noticed immediately, pulling Wei Wuxian into his arms regardless of the fact that they were still in sight of the guards that stood at the main entrance of Cloud Recesses. Lan Wangji had already been on the lookout for any changes with Wei Wuxian.

As much as Wei Wuxian insisted on making this trip, Lan Wangji also knew that Wei Wuxian was dreading it. Lan Wangji listened as Wei Wuxian took several deep breaths. Once Wei Wuxian's breathing was calm Lan Wangji released him from the hug and took hold of one of Wei Wuxian's hands instead.

"We can go by boat." Lan Wangji offered. Since learning about what happened to Wei Wuxian's golden core in the future, the two of them had been sparring almost daily. They usually kept it short. Sometimes they would skip a day if Wei Wuxian was having a particularly bad day. The first time they sparred outside the Jingshi, Wei Wuxian had been so happy that he cried. Lan Wangji had noticed the odd discrepancy in his skills. His footwork, speed, and skills had all improved, but in terms of actually holding and using his sword it had noticeably declined.

Lan Wangji suspected Wei Wuxian had never had the chance to grieve the loss of his golden core. Lan Wangji did not know all the details of the future. He knew only what he had been told by Wei Wuxian or Wen Qing. What he had put together was that the future was a mess. Wei Wuxian was pushed to his limits constantly with little support. Where in that would there be time to process the tremendous loss of his golden core?

The answer, of course, was that there wasn't. So with his golden core suddenly returned, something that never should have been possible, Wei Wuxian was understandably overwhelmed. Lan Wangji had always known that Wei Wuxian loved to spar. The first night Wei Wuxian came to Cloud Recesses the two of them had fought. Both of them for the first time getting to spar with someone who posed a challenge.

Every time they sparred and practised together, Lan Wangji could see the joy and sorrow permeating through Wei Wuxian. Every time Wei Wuxian used his sword it was like he was grieving and healing at the same time. Wei Wuxian didn't cry when they sparred anymore, but the slowly healing sorrow was always shimmering in the depths of his eyes.

During one of their conversations before this trip Wei Wuxian had expressed some concerns about flying. It was a valid concern. It had been some years since Wei Wuxian had flown on his sword. Lan Wangji had suggested they practice, but Wei Wuxian had been hesitant. It took a while for Wei Wuxian to admit that he wasn't certain he could keep his emotions stable enough to fly.

Flying your sword was not the place to be when having a panic attack. Lan Wangji wasn't completely clear on everything Wei Wuxian was worried about, but he understood Wei Wuxian was concerned about his ability to fly. Lan Wangji wasn't sure if flying itself was the problem, or if it was the use of spiritual energy to fly. In either case they had eventually decided to still go by sword, but with Wei Wuxian flying with Lan Wangji on Bichen.

"No. I'll be fine." Wei Wuxian said with a small sigh.

Lan Wangji had actually been more than eager to suggest travelling by boat or horse. He was in no rush to get to Lotus Pier. He had suggested not flying more than once. Wei Wuxian didn't want the delay though. He was already feeling bad about not immediately returning to Lotus Pier. Lan Wangji was still worried. They had only just left Cloud Recesses. They had not entered a town, started flying, or even arrived at Lotus Pier. Lan Wangji was very worried about what one of those places might do to Wei Wuxian.

Lan Wangji unsheathed Bichen. He let it hover just above the ground and gently pulled Wei Wuxian up. He gave Wei Wuxian a moment to get acclimated. Lan Wangji wrapped one of his arms around Wei Wuxian's waist and held Wei Wuxian close to him. Wei Wuxian stood sideways on the blade making it easy for him to look forwards or hide his face in Lan Wangji's chest.

'Maybe I should think about why I like hiding my face against Lan Zhan so much.' Wei Wuxian considered quietly. Wei Wuxian looped his arms around Lan Wangji's neck and enjoyed the feeling of being held. 'Maybe not. I have enough things to think about.'

"Even if you let go I will still be holding on to you. I won't let you fall." Lan Wangji whispered quietly. Wei Wuxian smiled. The soothing words felt nice, even if Wei Wuxian wasn't certain he needed them. Wei Wuxian wouldn't say he was afraid of flying. He was concerned about flying. There was a difference. The idea of flying didn't scare him, but Wei Wuxian wasn't certain how he would do if he was flying himself. In Lan Wangji's arms there was only a small apprehension. Wei Wuxian hadn't flown on a sword in a long time.

Since he lost his golden core there were only two times he had flown. The first was when he was dropped into Burial Mounds. It was horrifying. He was being taken to what he assumed would be his death, only to be thrown somewhere worse. The second was kind of a unique situation. There was an emergency in the Burial Mounds. Lan Wangji had been visiting with him at a restaurant.

'Wait... Did I pay for that meal? I had invited Lan Wangji to a meal saying it was my treat, but then the talisman alerted me to a problem...' Wei Wuxian internally groaned. 'I totally forgot and made Lan Zhan have to pay.' Wei Wuxian suppressed the desire to groan out loud with embarrassment.

At that time he told Lan Wangji he had forgotten his sword. Lan Wangji had grabbed Wei Wuxian by the waist and flown Wei Wuxian and A-Yuan to Burial Mounds. Wei Wuxian didn't recall being afraid during that flight. Although that was an emergency situation. He had already been terrified of what might be happening to his family. So Wei Wuxian hadn't exactly been paying attention to the trip itself.

Wei Wuxian knew he had a lot of turbulent emotions related to using his sword and spiritual energy. Turbulent emotions means more effort going towards keeping the resentful energy in check. More energy and focus spent on resentful energy means less for controlling spiritual energy, controlling his sword, and balancing. Wei Wuxian didn't know how strong of an emotional reaction he might have to flying. He was excited and scared and he wasn't sure where the first feeling stopped and the second one started.

Wei Wuxian used to love flying on Subian. Actually, Wei Wuxian had loved everything about using Subian. Fighting, sparring, flying... Wei Wuxian loved all of it, and losing it was a lot more devastating than he pretended it was. Wei Wuxian's emotions still surged whenever he used Subian. Wei Wuxian did not want to know how many times he cried while sparring Lan Wangji, or cried after they finished sparring. It was horribly embarrassing and he was so glad it had stopped.

Wei Wuxian could feel them slowly accelerate. The feeling as they rose up and then stabilized when Lan Wangji was happy with the height. Wei Wuxian could feel his heart racing with anticipation. He slowly loosened his hold around Lan Wangji's neck. Cautiously Wei Wuxian turned so he could take a look.

Wei Wuxian gasped softly. Lan Wangji reflexively tightened his hold on Wei Wuxian, but Wei Wuxian hardly noticed. Everything below them seemed small and distant. Wei Wuxian felt the long forgotten thrill of flying. He had an urge to go faster, higher, weave around. Naturally he couldn't because he was not the one controlling their flight, but Wei Wuxian still relished in the familiar excitement. The sensation of wind blowing in his face felt so good. There was a tiny thread of fear that persisted, but overwhelmingly Wei Wuxian felt excited.

Wei Wuxian threw his head back in relief. He rested the back of his head against Lan Wangji's shoulder and looked up at clear golden eyes. The eyes at first were concerned, but quickly relaxed. Wei Wuxian was smiling. He was so relieved that he could still enjoy flying. Wei Wuxian wasn't certain he would want to jump into flying by himself right away, but he was certain that when he wanted to he would be able to do it.

"It's wonderful." Wei Wuxian said quietly. Wei Wuxian watched Lan Wangji's lips curl into a delicate smile. The smile made Lan Wangji's beautiful face even more radiant. The cold and pale beauty of Lan Wangji lit, as if by a sudden ray of sunlight.

"Mn." Lan Wangji agreed. Wei Wuxian felt them accelerate and his heart raced with excitement. Wei Wuxian knew he was crying again. Lan Wangji gently wiped the tears away with a handkerchief, maintaining a tight grip on Wei Wuxian's waist with his other arm. Wei Wuxian felt his face heat with embarrassment. He wasn't used to crying so easily and he was having a hard time not feeling self conscious about it. However since this seemed to be just part of how he was not, he supposed he should try and get used to it. At least these tears were for a happy reason. Wei Wuxian needed as many happy things in his life as he could get.