Backlash Part 1

Chapter 135: 1000 Lives Saved

Wei Wuxian tried sleeping. He tried keeping himself still and his eyes closed. He tried adjusting his position. Nothing was comfortable. Even with Wen Qing's incense helping him calm, he still couldn't relax. It was definitely an improvement, but it wasn't enough to let him sleep. He just felt uneasy. Wei Wuxian held back a sigh that wanted to escape.

Wen Qing had ushered Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji into their own corner of the room hours ago with a privacy screen separating them from everything else. Jiang Wanyin was on the other side of the room, unconscious. Wei Wuxian wasn't certain if Wen Qing planned to let Jiang Wanyin regain consciousness soon or not. Wei Wuxian's heart hurt as he thought about Jiang Wanyin, and the events of that evening. Wei Wuxian hadn't talked about any of it yet. In the past he usually didn't talk about these things.

'In the past I also wanted to kill myself. I think Lan Zhan, Jiejie, and A-Ning would all have some opinions about how I used to handle things.' Wei Wuxian muttered internally.

Wei Wuxian opened his eyes, abandoning the idea that he was going to be able to fall asleep. He adjusted his head just enough so he could look at Lan Wangji. He knew what he needed to be able to sleep. He needed to talk to Lan Wangji. He needed to talk about this evening. He needed to talk about why Lan Wangji was upset. He needed to talk until this tense uncomfortable feeling was gone. Until he did that, he wasn't going to be able to sleep.

Except Wei Wuxian couldn't talk to Lan Wangji right now. Firstly, Lan Wangji was apparently asleep. Wei Wuxian wasn't selfish enough to wake Lan Wangji up to pressure him into a conversation that Wen Qing seemed to think they should have tomorrow. Wei Wuxian resisted the urge to fidget. He didn't want to disturb Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji had even held him as they laid down to go to sleep. It was too kind of him, especially since Wei Wuxian was pretty sure he had upset Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian very cautiously extracted himself from the blanket. Maybe if he couldn't talk, he could write something down. Wen Qing had specifically told him not to talk too much. He needed to allow his throat to heal. Wei Wuxian didn't even need to go past the privacy screen. The materials he needed were already close to where he and Lan Wangji were sleeping. Or were supposed to be sleeping. He wondered if Wen Qing had done that on purpose.

Wei Wuxian ground the ink and took the brush in hand. Thoughts were rattling around in his head and he wasn't sure where to start in trying to sort them out. When he tried to think too much about the events of this evening he found himself shying away from them. Trying to think about the events of this evening was like trying to pick up a hot coal with bare hands. Wei Wuxian frowned at the comparison. Picking up a hot coal would probably have been easier for him.

Wei Wuxian put down the brush and buried his face in his hands. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't talk to Lan Wangji. He couldn't write out the things that were keeping him awake. Apparently he couldn't even think through what was bothering him, because he kept flinching away from his own thoughts. It was so frustrating that Wei Wuxian wanted to thrash and kick his legs against the floor, just so he could let out some of that feeling.

A warm hand landed on Wei Wuxian's back. Wei Wuxian looked up and turned towards the unexpected presence. Lan Wangji was sitting beside him on the floor, no trace of sleep in his pale gold eyes. Tears pressed at Wei Wuxian's eyes. Lan Wangji wasn't sleeping either. Lan Wangji was worried about him, if Wei Wuxian was reading the concern in those golden eyes correctly.

Wei Wuxian was suddenly throwing his arms around Lan Wangji's neck. The tears broke free, flooding down Wei Wuxian's cheeks. He shook with the force of his tears as he clung to Lan Wangji like his life depended on it. Strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him in close. Lan Wangji was pulling him in like he was afraid Wei Wuxian would disappear if he didn't hold him tightly enough.