better off | d.m.

7.go

You know when you have those days?

When you know it's getting bad again.

When the world seems too much and too less at the same time.

Today Sage couldnt be bothered to go to class, despite a full schedule. With a head so full and a heart so fucking heavy, stomach in knots, then it's a sign that she is doing what she's been avoiding all along.

Thinking. Feeling. Hurting.

Who is she kidding. Sage cant seem to have the whole shit under control. Her past is catching up to her, dragging her into the pits of hell and spitting in her face.

Only today it is even more harsh. Today marks two years of that wretched night she tries her very best to forget. Ignore.

Now she is sat on Theo's bed, being gloomy and all. Despite feeling like being alone, Theo is always a comfort, because he understands. He doesn't know specifics but he knows today is extra hard for Sage. It has been last year as well. He respects her reserve in that regard and is ready to listen, when she is ready to tell. He always assures her of that.

Staying with him, even if it is for a little while—it makes her feel less alone in some way.

"Finn suspects something," Sage looks down at her wringing hands.

"How do you mean," he doesn't look up from writing his potions essay.

"He notices how I isolate myself more. How I dont talk to him so much anymore and how I divert the topic of our beloved dark lord. Or, if not, only give bland answers. Like I'm not on anti-voldis side. Which I am. But I am not. Urgh," she groans, letting herself fall on her back.

"And what did you say?" Now he gave her a pointed look.

"That I kiss Voldies feet at every meeting," she replies dryly, giving him a pointed look.
Theo doesnt appreciate her sarcasm in this situation but leaves it and continues with his homework.

"I told him I am not," Sage exhales heavily.

"Maybe try and be more discreet about distancing yourself, if you still wanna do that. I mean, it's about time you realised who your superior friends are," he grins at her.

She chucks a pillow his way. "Dont get full of yourself. Your ego booster right now is that fucking mark, so be careful."

"I take what I can get," he puts the pillow behind his back for extra support after catching it.

—

Needing fresh air, Sage finds herself at the on the astronomy tower, like usual. She leans against the pillar with one side of her, thoughts poisoning her mind at a painful rate.

Today, like she assumed, may be very much her breaking point. Occluding was not successful, obviously. She is not strong enough in that sense. The pain is very much there and more consuming than any kind of determination to block it out. 

Maybe she wants the pain. 

Maybe it gives her comfort, in a very sick way. But that's what she is. Sick. Sick to her bone.

She feels her heart break into literal pieces again, as if it is happening before her very eyes like two years ago. How her beautiful, magnificent little sister gets tortured by masked monsters.

She feels the guilt rise within her and burning in her veins. Sage screamed and screamed and screamed her name. She begged for them to stop.

And they did.

They took one final look at her pig of a father, who still wasnt complying and they killed her with no hesitation. 

Her sister was gone.