better off | d.m.

33.miss

For the next few weeks school routine has set in completely. Class, homework, projects and repeat. It all has a bitter tang to it. The professors are undoubtedly preparing the students for what is inevitable, it seems. The atmosphere has grown more tense in the castle.

Many students or family members of students are missing. The Great Hall is not as full and lively as it normally is.

Normal.

That is long over.

She hasnt seen Dean after the holidays once and after such a long time, she has a bad feeling. Even when not her best friend, he was always very likable. Friendly. Not at all deserving of what her mind tells her he might be going through. But then again, no one is deserving of that.

Sage often lets off steam at Draco. She will go on and on about her worries. The next step of the war? The next calling to the manor? Thankfully there hasnt been anything since the first time. What life they would have when this might not have an end.

She is trying not to build it up inside. A habit she is learning to grow out of. It will only make her more miserable and depressed if she keeps it in.

And though, she knows Draco is just as worried, he will bring her down. He tries to stay calm, for her. However, sometimes roles reverse and she needs to calm him down from a rant.

What calms them the most though, is that they have a mystery to solve. Its certain that the group wont be of much help. Potter knows more than them and even if not, they couldnt contact him, if they wanted to. Still, its nice to discuss the events of Potters sightings and try to connect everything or discuss new thoughts about the soul thing.

It makes them feel not as stuck mentally. They feel, like they are moving forward somehow. It brings them comfort to not be in the complete unknown.

Combined, the group has read through every book in the library. Any free minute, at least one or two are there, reading and discussing. Everyone of them is passionate about it, all in their own way. But Hogwarts doesnt give enough information and in the last few days they feel like they are stuck again. The motivation has dropped.

Draco even went to Snape one time to try and squeeze some juice out of him. Everyone was against it, since it would reveal, that they are researching and Snape is clearly connected to Voldemort, being headmaster and all. Draco boasted, that he is his favourite and not stupid as to blow their cover.

Nothing. Snape gave nothing.

Sage is as determined as Draco on trying to figure this out, but in the past week or so, she is feeling a bit down.

When she is one on one with Draco, that is not the case, she simply forgets. But when she is alone, these thoughts get louder. There are not as bad as some months ago, she only feels a little low in spirits, a little sad.

She doesnt address it, because she believes she can handle them herself this time. They are different. And to Sage's surprise, she has been doing fine before that. Everyday she would think of Willow, her smile, her laugh and her wit and there wouldnt be immediate tears.

Though Sage has worked hard– still does – to see everything about her dead sister in a good light, there are triggers. Triggers that make some days harder than others. And the trigger for Sage's emotional unrest the last week is Willow's birthday today.

The whole day, Sage feels the height of her sadness. Mind drifting off and wringing her hands, not talking much, trying not to cry. But she is doing so much better than last year, where she was cooped up in her bed with curtains drawn. She didnt cry or anything, she felt numb, emotionally drained. Maybe that was because she hadnt slept for far longer than it is healthy.