better off | d.m.

9.grief

It is frustrating how occlumency she cant work out occlumency. 

Is she really that incompetent of a witch?

These feelings creep up more often than before. The more she pushes them down the more they try to overwhelm her.

Sage was kind of hoping that after her like huge breakdown she would be able to ignore everything like she used to be able to. But no, its like a floodgate has been openend and she cant seem to stop tearing up. Everything is starting to catch up  with her. 

The sudden waft of his cologne carried by the late autumn breeze invades her senses and Sage blinks a couple times to get the teary look away from her. 

"Now where the hell do you always come from?" She jokes when he comes to sit next to her at the edge of the astronomy tower. She is able to hide the sadness in her voice and wipes her eyes to get away the stray tears that rolled down her cheeks already.

"Im godsent, obviously," he jokes back, completely unaware of her current mood. "Some first years have tried jinxes during dinner. All kinds of stuff. From levitating each other to causing boils and beestings. They even removed a finger of one and he screamed the whole Great Hall together. You should have seen how all the professors flipped," she chuckles lightly, much less then he does. "Why didnt you come anyway?"

She unintentionally reveals her face from the curtain of hair by tucking it behind her ear and she watches the corners of his mouth pull down into a frown.

Now she feels bad, because he obviously was in a good mood and she is pulling it down.

"Blossom," he starts, putting a cold hand on hers, "whats wrong?"

Her first instinct is to push away, let the feelings consume her and suffer from the inside.

But he seems truly concerned. And lately he is just always there, everywhere she looks. He once confided in her. Trusted her. And he did offer that she could entrust him, too.

"You can trust me, Blossom. I can tell something is bothering you for a while. No matter what it is, let me help you," he gently pleads to her while squeezing her hand.

Help?

Is that what she needs?

She was always under the impression that she doesnt need it. 

Sage is an independant woman who shouldnt be so ruffled by an event she had no control over. But that is the thing. So long ago and she cant let go of it. Maybe she does need a little tiny bit of help. Maybe talking about it this once will give her some sort of relief.

She finally looks into his eyes, that have never seemed more sincere. 

And she wants that relief so bad.

She nods.

"If you tell a soul or—or laugh, I will make your life a living hell, Draco, I swear to all above. I am trusting you here more, than I have anyone," she warns.

He nods.

"No soul. I promise."

She takes a very deep breath. She is really gonna say it all out loud. She has never done that before, not even to herself. He confided in her and now she confides in him.

She trusts him.

If she were to put her life in his hands, she knows he would do everything to protect it. Its a gut feeling she cant explain.

"About two years ago I was send home from school for an emergency," she begins slowly. "I was not told of any details, just that my father requieres my presence immediatly. Who truly demanded me was our current boss. I reckon you can already guess where this is going." By the way he gulps, she knows he knows where this is heading. "He was not present but several Death Eaters were. They were tasked to—to recruit my father as a Death Eater. He was always friends with twisted people, especially as the Slytherin he was. Nott Sr. is a long time friend of him, as you know, so that my father would be wanted to serve him one day was not shocking to him or me," she explains calmly. That is not long the bad part. "But simply convincing him verbally has proven as unsuccessful, so they had to seize to more extreme meassures. That is where I come in."