Mistakes of our past | Rhekker

Chapter 41- Reaching out

"I'm sorry for telling you to fuck off" Ava sighs, facing Daniel across his desk.
"You were in a defensive state after a stressful event, it's understandable. You knowing and admitting that their is an issue is the first step to recovery" Dr. Charles informs her, when he doesn't receive a reply he continues.
"So how often do you smell this metallic scent"
"When I pass the OR's, when I think about what happened, in the shower and when I'm getting sick, that's been happing a lot lately" Ava told him from across his desk.

"Ava I would say what is happing is your body remembering and now associating the bloody metallic smell with those memories. Your compulsive hand washing is a way to deal with these memories and smell, your body has convinced you that if you keep washing your hands the smell will go away and Connor will be fine again" Dr. Charles explained.
"How do I stop doing it?"
"It's not quite as simple as just stopping, I would suggest trying to be aware of it, when you catch yourself doing it, acknowledge it, and move on" he told her simply.
"Try remember and focus on the happy times with Connor"
Ava nodded, shifting uncomfortably in her chair, still not being completely comfortable with being here.
"Ava have you ever sort psychiatric help before?"
"No, I had two sessions of mandatory counselling after someone in my troop was killed. But that was just forty minutes of sitting silence starting at each other. I wouldn't really call it therapy" Ava chuckled to herself.
"It's like that a lot, with military funded counselling. I am going to prescribe you some sleeping and anti anxiety med to help you. But Ava, if you ever want to chat, even just as colleges my door is always open" he assured her
"It's always a good idea give your military past and the stress you've been under since returning to Chicago"
Ava pursed her lips at the thought, she'd never really been one to open up to others about her past, or her thoughts. "I'll think about it"

Ava thanked Daniel for taking the time to listen to her before heading back down to Connor. This was the longest she had ever left him since he'd been admitted.
"Hey Cowboy" she took his hand in hers and sat with him.
"I love you so much and I'm your doctor, but I need to leave for a few hours to head home and look after Sophia. She knows your sick but she hasn't seen you like this yet, I didn't want to scare her, I'll bring here in when your awake and talking again" she reassured him.
"So I want you to know I'll be back in a few hours, and not to do anything silly in the mean time. Your vitals are good, so let's keep the, that way, and maybe try opening your eyes, for me baby" Ava gave his hand a squeezing praying for him to give her any sign that he had heard her words. Looking down at the floor Ava felt a slight squeeze on her palm. She smiled softly to herself, not wanting to look up because she knew at heart it just been a reflex of Connors mussels. But she hoped that he somehow knew he wasn't alone, that she was here for him, and that neither of the, would be alone again.
Eventually dragging her head up to look at Connor again she brushed his hair out of the way to plant a light kiss on his forehead.

*

"Sophias, baby, Uncle Hank is going to come over to look after you for a bit while I go back to the hospital, okey sweetheart" Ava called into the living room to Sophia.
"Are you going to visit papa"
Ava got down to Sophias level to gauge her reaction, "I am sweetheart"
"I miss papa, is he gone again, like before" Sophia pouted, holding her teddy closer to herself.
Ava had never kept who Sophias farther was as a secret from her. She knew their was no chance of them ever running into each other in South Africa; or so she thought.
Sophia had known that her farther was a surgeon like her mother, and that he lived in America.
"No sweetheart, not like that. He's just feeling a bit sick at the minute" Ava brought Sophia in for a tight hug, burying her face in her daughters hair. Ava couldn't bear the thought of losing  Connor again, never mind having Sophia loose her farther, only months after having him back in her life.
"Hey, I have an idea, why don't you go draw papa a picture to make him feel better" Ava suggested, wanting to distract Sophia before she started crying in front of her.
"Yay" Sophia exclaimed before running into her room.

Ava made her way to the stove, flicking it on to get a light pasta dinner going for the two of them. While the water boiled, and Sophia was tucked away in her room, Ava let her emotions out. Fat, hot tears rolled down her face at the thought of loosing Connor, him being in pain, hooked up to all those wires.
Ava went over to the sink, recanting to turn on the tap, she stopped herself.
"Deep breathes Ava come on"
Instead of scrubbing her hands raw again Ava cupped her hands to wash her warm face with the cool water.
The doorbell rang as Ava was drying her face with a tea towel. Answering it she was shock to see Hank. "Voight your an hour early"
"I know, but I was off work anyway, and I want to have time to check in and see how you were doing before you went back to the hospital" he explained.
Ava smiled and let him into the apartment.
"So how are you doing?"
At those words Ava just broke down, tears burning her eyes and face.
"Shh, Shh, kid. It's okey" Hank jumped up from his chair and took Ava in his arms, holding her in a hug. Ava let all of her built up emotions out into Hanks shoulder.
Hank himself felt a pain in his heart as he held Ava's shaking body.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she gasped, pulling away from him.
"Hey Ava, you have nothing to be sorry about. Come on." He pulled her back into him.
"Erin was the same growing up. Never wanted people to see her upset" he told her softly.

After a moment or two Ava calmed her breathing and her shaking stopped.
"I don't know how I'm going to do this without him" she said hoarsely.
"Don't go there, he's going to wake up" Hank told her sternly, sitting her down at the breakfast bar. Going over to the stove he stirred the pasta while Ava got a glass of water.

"Grandpa Hank!" Sophia came flying into the kitchen to Hank.
"Hey their sweetheart" Hank scooped her up into his arms, spinning her around. Hank kisses her on the forehead and set her down on a bar stool next to Ava.
"Look what I drew for papa" Sophia slid a piece of paper over the table to Ava.
Ava smiled at the image in front of her, it was another stick figure drawing of Ava, Connor and Sophia but this time they were on a beach all in a line together.
"I'm sure he'll love it baby, I'll take it to him tonight" Ava told her, pulling her onto her lap to kiss her head.

*

"Thank you for check in with me Hank" Ava said, embracing him.
"I know it's going to be a long couple weeks for you Ava, okey. But don't be a stranger, if you need help, ask for it" Hank told her, still keeping her close.
"Say hi to Connor for me" he remind her before she went out the door.
"I will" she smiled to him.

A/n: thank you for 2k!
My uploading schedule is becoming everyday now, I just love seeing everyone's reactions😂. Just a heads up I'm back to school soon so we'll have to go back to every few days rather then everyday. ❤️