Accepting You

Chapter 52 - Not Okay

Lily didn't know what it was but she stirred out of her slumber. It was still dark and she knew it was impossible for it to be morning already.

She extends her arm out reaching for her girlfriend but finds only sheets and blankets. She was also clutching Mr. Sloth to sleep instead of who she went to sleep cuddling with.

She sits up and squints through the darkness. Lizzie's phone is dimmed and the screen shuts off just as she looked at it. It must have been used recently if the screen just went to sleep. Lily tosses the blankets aside and gets out of bed. She picks up her t-shirt that was thrown aside and puts it on before exiting the bedroom. She didn't have a problem walking around naked in her own apartment but she is in search of Lizzie.

The digital clock on her desk read 3:24am.

"Babe?" Lily calls, scratching her head as she didn't see any indication of her girlfriend. The living room and the kitchen were still dark and completely silent.

Lily opens her mouth to call out again but then her ears pick up on water and she realizes it's the shower. She walks down the hall and presses her ear to the door. The shower is running.

"Babe?" Lily calls, knocking softly on the door. She doesn't get an answer but she hears the faintest of sniffles and her stomach flips. "Babe? I'm coming in."

The door is unlocked and she sees Lizzie standing under the showerhead, letting the water run down her body from head to toes.

"Babe?" Lily calls again, this time she is heard.

"Lily?" Lizzie gasps and clears her throat. She wipes at her eyes and then the glass door so that it's cleared from the steam. "I'm sorry – Did I wake you?"

"No," Lily says and shuts the door behind her so that the cold didn't creep inside. "Are you okay? Why are you awake and taking a shower?"

Lizzie quickly turns off the water. Lily hands her a towel and Lizzie wraps it around her body before she steps out.

Lizzie's eyes are slightly pink at the edges like she was crying but she smiles at Lily to relieve her worries – Lizzie's look of concern gave it away. "I had a nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lily asks. Lizzie never really got nightmares or if she did, she never told Lily about them.

"No, it's nothing," Lizzie says, but Lily could tell it was a lie. What part of it was a lie, she didn't know but there was something off. Lily didn't push her though. Lizzie would tell her or come to her when she's ready. "Can we go back to bed?"

"Yeah," Lily says and leads Lizzie back into their bedroom. They don't get into bed immediately though. Lily helps Lizzie dry off, taking another towel and a brush to Lizzie's wet hair.

Lizzie sat at the edge of the bed and Lily sat behind her with her legs on either side. Lily brushed Lizzie's hair and took out the tangles as she dried Lizzie's hair with the towel. They sat in silence for a while as Lily helped her and then eventually got back into bed with Lizzie's head on Lily's chest.

"Don't sleep with wet hair," Lily mutters. Her eyelids were getting heavy though she wanted to stay awake to make sure Lizzie is okay.

"I won't," Lizzie promises. Her voice sounded strangled and hoarse as if she was crying. They laid together for another 20 minutes as Lily stroked Lizzie's hair and Lizzie clutched against Lily's shirt. "You should go to sleep," she tells Lily, knowing Lily is exhausted. She would have to be up in an hour to go to the gym.

"I'm sleeping," Lily murmurs, her words coming out slow and drawn out.

"Baby, please sleep," Lizzie says, looking up at Lily. Her eyes are closed but her hand continues to stroke her hair so she knows she isn't sleeping.