Accepting You

Chapter 12 - Living with the Stars

Lily and Liz spent the day separately in the same house. When it came to dinner, Lily helped Liz get her luggage into the car and went to a restaurant in the city where they ate in silence. It wasn't comfortable or awkward. Just silence.

Once they finished, Lily drove them to Peter Harrison Planetarium.

"You're taking me to an observatory?" Liz asks when they drive past a sign.

"Technically we're here a planetarium but it works just the same."

"Why?"

"Hm," Lily considers for a moment before saying, "why not?"

Liz couldn't argue with that and let Lily lead her just as she's done the entire night. The more time passed, the more her heart felt constraighted and tightened. Even though she knew it is the last day they would be spending time together, a part of her wanted to be close to Lily but the other part wanted to stay as far away as possible.

It hurt. It hurt wanting something but not being able to get it or act on your impulses.

Lily paid for their tickets and they walked around the perimeter together. Lily could sense something wrong ever since the interview. Liz's demeanor towards her was completely different before and after. She wondered if it was something she said during the interview that made her uncomfortable. Was it her outburst? She matched her demeanor in the day, becoming a little bit more cautious and guarded.

There weren't many people around as it was nearing closing time and Lily was thankful for that. She wanted to address anything that was bothering Liz if she could but at her own pace.

Lily takes a seat at one of the benches, right outside the greenwich observatory which is closed off. Liz takes a seat next to her and Lily notices the distance she kept.

"Why'd you bring me here?" Liz asks after a long moment of silence.

"Back in LA, I like to go to the Griffith Observatory," Lily starts. "It's on top of a huge hill away from the city. It has a great view too."

Liz listens without a response.

"Whether I would walk up that hill or drive up it, I can feel all the struggles and burdens fall away. Every step up that hill was a step away from the city. Away from people. I'm not Lily Rowan, a celebrity. Just Lily Rowan. I can just be me," Lily explains. "Maybe I wanted to come here myself and dragged you with me," she says with a weak chuckle, "but I need this – to step away from everything and not be afraid of any judgement of everything 'down there'." She gestures around her, trying to explain it as anything on earth. The accusations and absurd statements infuriated her and was grinding it down to her bones.

Liz could watches from the corner of her eyes, unable to look directly at her. She can tell everything that was burdening her is stripping away. She's more vulnerable than she's ever been with Liz.

"This is the closest thing to what I have back home," Lily says. "Being among the stars means nothing here matters. Stars can be anything they want and they'll always be beautiful."

'You're a star,' Liz thinks, now fully looking at Lily who is looking down at her hands. 'No matter what – you'll always be a star.'

"So," Lily says in conclusion, "I hope you find a place where you can feel like you can be free of everything. Whether it's a person or a place or a thing." She hoped telling her a part of herself helped her in dealing whatever she was feeling.

"Thank you," Liz says an a whisper, touched by her words.

They sit together on the bench for another few minutes in silence. Liz diguests Lily's words while Lily lets herself strip of all the negativities of the day from her mind.