Accepting You

Chapter 43 - Pickles

"Can you pleeeeaaseeee stop moping around?" Hailee groans.

"I'm not moping," Lily growls.

"You are," Hailee states. "Ever since yesterday, you've been moping. My intention was for you two to make up, not...whatever this is."

"I still have to kill you for that, by the way."

"It was Lizzie's idea," Hailee defends herself. "She wanted to take you and it just worked out."

"It did not work out," Lily says matter of factly. "And I'm not moping about Lizzie. I'm moping because I don't have pickles."

"Ha! So you are moping," Hailee shouts, catching Lily red handed.

"I want pickles!" Lily complains.

"Are we using 'pickles' as a metaphor or..."

"No, I mean pickles," Lily says stubbornly.

"Mhm," Hailee hums unconvinced. "You've been craving 'pickles' for a while now. Maybe since you and Lizzie had that fight."

"I've wanted pickles since two days ago," Lily clarifies.

Hailee rolls her eyes. "Think long a hard about your pickles. How much do you really want it? Can you live without it? Do you think you can watch someone else with your pickles?"

"We're talking about two different things," Lily states.

She didn't want to admit it but after their day together, Lily was missing Lizzie more and more. For a while, she felt as though she could ignore her feelings and drown herself in work. It worked for a while but seeing her after a few weeks, she couldn't ignore the tightness in her chest that she got whenever she thought about Lizzie. And the thoughts of her was becoming more frequent in everything she did.

When she wakes up, she is reminded she hugs a pillow to sleep and wakes up to half of an empty bed. When she makes a cup of tea, Lizzie's favorite blend of coffee stares back at her and when she goes to cook any meal of the day, the memories of chef Lizzie teaching her warm her heart but they also serve as a painful memory that she doesn't have that anymore.

It didn't help that they fell back into their normal behavior with one another so easily. The way Lizzie spoke to her as if nothing was wrong or the way she smiled or the way Lizzie looked at her – it was all the same. When Lizzie touched her, pulled her close, or showed a twinge of jealousy, it all made her want Lizzie even more. She craved Lizzie's entire being and at most points, she had to resist from succumbing into her wants and desires.

Lily's feelings towards Lizzie wasn't diminishing in the slightest. If anything, the time away from one another and then reuniting reignited her passion for that woman. She loves Lizzie and even though she never got the chance to say it, it doesn't mean that she doesn't.

Her heart tightened to think that she would have spend more time away from Lizzie to protect her and yet she didn't want to let her go. No – she couldn't let her go.

'Fuck,' Lily thought. How could she feel like she would do anything for Lizzie except the one thing she was asking her to do? It would be for the best for the both of them. Maybe not in the short run but definitely in the long run. It's just as Lizzie said, once they go public, the sooner they can be happy and start their life together.

After a moment of biting the inside of her cheek in consideration, she adds, "I really want my pickles."

"Well you have two functioning legs now," Hailee states. "You can go get them yourself."

"I just might do that," Lily huffs and stands from the couch. "And I'm talking about real pickles."

"You might want to take an umbrella," Hailee suggests, pointing out the window to the dark clouds.