Ciel's POV:
The screams erupt from tiny lungs in the early hours of the morn. Birds who sang just a moment ago upon nearby branches fly away, startled by the cries of my little one. I force my exhausted, frail and tender body to swivel to the side of the bed. I've yet to be able to get out of bed comfortably. From the way in which men-...ignorant doctors of my time have written about midwifery and the affects of childbirth on the body of the mother, they seemed to believe any woman who did not spring back to their usual spritely selves after shoving a watermelon sized infant out of a key hole were simply dramatic and/or hysterical. To say I've been blindsided by the lack of demonic regenerative help with speedy recovery after injury would be an understatement. It's been four days and I am profusely bleeding on a large wad of cotton that simply cannot absorb all of my blood.
I groan as I attempt to stand, the agonising pain in my uterus causing me to lean onto the wall in front of me for balance. With steadying breaths, I walk. One foot in front of the other. The more I move the easier it gets to take that next step, but the quicker my energy depletes. Carefully grabbing on to the railing, I move into the nursery to find Sebastian soothing my precious Thalia with his honeyed words whispering the most pleasant of dreams into her reality.
"Darling, you should be in bed. I told you I would care for her during the evening to allow you time to rest." He scolds me ever so lovingly, swaying my swaddled daughter in his strong arms.
"I couldn't resist seeing her. She might not need me at the moment for a feed or anything you can't provide but I needed to see that cute button nose." I approach them, almost falling to my knees as a wave of searing pain courses through me. Sebastian carefully places Tahlia down in her bassinet, lifting me off my feet so swiftly. Brushing my cheek with his soft lips.
"You need to rest, Ciel. You can't walk properly and I don't want you to push yourself too hard. Let me take care of you both." He pleads, setting me down on the soft bed.
"I should be able to do this-"
"No, no you shouldn't. There is no "should" when it comes to recovering from labour. All you should be doing is relaxing and taking it easy. I'm here to do whatever you wish with a smile, remember?" His brow raises as he removes his slightly stained gloves, placing them in his left pocket before grabbing a new pair from his right.
"I remember. I'm just not used to relaxation and everyone fussing over me. I am in a lot of pain and I'm more fatigued than I'm used to, but everyone is acting as though I've been on the brink of death." I complain, shifting myself into a comfortable position.
"Ciel, I didn't want to tell you this but...darling you were on the brink of death. At least, if you could die, you would have died as our little one was entering the birth canal. We...we hid it well but there was a substantial amount of fresh blood. You were beginning to become faint, almost delirious from the pain when it happened. You suffered a placental abruption that a human would not have survived. That is why, even days postpartum you are still experiencing the level of pain you're in. Us demons will withstand flirts with death but we cannot evade the sting of its kiss."
My heart sinks to my stomach, I could have died and left my children motherless for my own desire. I can't hide the shakiness of my breath as I struggle to cope with the overwhelming guilt and shame that washes over me, like a strong tide wishing to sweep me away.
"I could have died?"
"Yes, you could've died if you weren't turned."
"Then...then I can never have another. That's it, my first and last biological child. I can't risk traumatising my children by being careless with my life." My words are mixed with a strong sense of finality, this isn't going to happen a second time.
"If that is truly what you wish, I have no objections. It scared me, Ciel. Truly." Tears well in our eyes as he reaches out to hold my hand. Skin stroking skin in an attempt to gain some comfort. Some security.
"I know-" I couldn't help but sob, his sorrowful gaze stabbing me in the heart with every second that passes by. "I know and I'm so sorry I put you through this."
"We both wanted this, we both wanted this knowing the risks-"
"We didn't learn the true risks of pregnancy and childbirth until I was already in it. Until it was too late. I knew it could be deadly but I didn't know the extent of scenarios that could occur to kill the mother. I had no idea the level of lies we are all told about childbearing. No idea. I would give my life for my children but to leave my existing children behind with a grieving husband for the chance to birth a potential life? If I'd known I would've hesitated to risk it all. Becoming a demon was no where near as terrifying as what I experienced."
"I wish there were more pain control options, I wish I could put you to sleep and extracted our child myself if it meant you had a better chance. I can't imagine what life would've been like if you had attempted pregnancy as a human."
"It'd be hell for you all, and for that I will never cease apologising."
YOU ARE READING
As Time Goes On - A SebaCiel Story
Storie d'amoreCiel Phantomhive is growing older than he ever thought he would as the search for clues to gain his revenge are few and far between. His nightmares become worse in a way he never expected as the man who has served him hand and foot becomes something...
