Personal therapy sessions are more private.
As even the simple thought of what I have truly seen is enough to cause a flood of emotions to rise to the surface that only Sebastian could ever quell.
A reaction and tale that no child could ever handle.
A tale that I cannot even handle, as the protagonist of a story of agony.
"Sebastian, I want to feel like I'm in control. I always have and even with your help...I believe I always will."
"You want that rush that tells you that you've won. You always have. The only thing that you never crave power from is me."
"That is because I already have that power, Michaelis. At least, in our relationship now. I can drive you wild, I know that now. It's a power balance that I can cope with."
"You mean, in the relationship where I dominate you every night?"
"Oh spare me, I don't have to do much more than say your name to get you to crawl to me."
"My dear, you're always the one giving me control through begging and pleading for my touch."
"Says the one who refers to me as their God or their King!"
"I'm sorry but who is it that calls me Daddy again, besides the kids?"
"Who is it that says he wants **** ***** *******?"
A grand silence hangs in the air, as even the demon himself couldn't handle the usage of the act I just described.
"Ciel, if I didn't know any better, I would suggest that you may be trying to take me away from this rather sore subject by using your very high amount of sex appeal against me."
That's exactly what I wanted, he knows me all too well.
"If I didn't know any better, I would begin to believe that you were trying to cause upset within me."
I shouldn't have said that. It feels as though I'm purposefully trying to guilt him, and from the wounded expression on his face...it appears that I have done.
"I just want to help you. I don't want to see that hurt look in your eyes ever again and yet you protect the very thing that hurts you the most."
Tears well up within closed eyes as I try to find a way to escape this. Some way to avoid the subject. Some way to-
"Why can't you tell me?"
Some way of-
"Do you not trust me?"
Some way to-
"What's hurting you-"
Some way I-
"Don't cry-"
Some way of concealing what I never wanted to feel.
"I feel useless...Sebastian..."
And then...the tears begin to fall
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sebastian's P.O.V
"I feel useless...Sebastian..."
Those words leave me dumbfounded.
Words that he could no longer contain within himself.
Sobbing as though his whole world was crumbling to pieces before his very eyes simply because of four words that he never wished to speak.
"I can't..." He declares in a beautifully tragic whimper. "I can't give us a child...I can't protect the kids we have...I can't defend myself...I can't make the bad thoughts go away...I can't make the nightmares disappear... I can't stop hating the person I used to be... and I can't stop thinking that I'm going to die like my parents did."
He can't give me a child?
His first complaint sends a wave of sympathy throughout my very core as I come to realise that, that was his desire. To bear our children.
Children that can only be conceived by demons through a ritual of trust.
A ritual that could kill him.
And yet, that is what he wants most from me.
My child.
"Ciel..." I pull him into a tight embrace, sheltering him from the world around us. "My darling, you mustn't fret, I am here to help the bad thoughts go away."
Though I mustn't mention this yet.
I don't want him to rush himself.
Demonhood is a painful experience on it's own.
If you're not ready.
YOU ARE READING
As Time Goes On - A SebaCiel Story
RomanceCiel Phantomhive is growing older than he ever thought he would as the search for clues to gain his revenge are few and far between. His nightmares become worse in a way he never expected as the man who has served him hand and foot becomes something...
